It's Harder Then Ever To Lose Someone So Close

[janieb0828]

I will start off venting my loss. My Fiance and I had been together for 18 years well it would have been on Sept. 9th 2006 which was suppose to be our wedding day this year.

May 21, 2006 my baby died, we were in a motorcycle accident. Someone came up and rearended us from behind, we both went of the bike, I landed in the median as I came to, Mike was laying on the ramp, and as I started to try to get up a car ran him over.

I call it the night from HELL.

The car that rearended us took off, the car that ran him over, later stated that he thought he was a bag of clothes laying on the road, in his nice BMW you would think he would swerve to miss him (or what ever he thought), my life has never been the same.

I was also injured in the accident lacerations to my knee and completely black and blue body. But my heart was broke in half no matter what injuries I received, the broken heart was the worst, and I would rather have had worse injuries and him have minor injuries and still be here.

God took him away for some reason, I have yet to figure out why. I know I will never know. But you think what if we did something totally different, or left five minutes sooner or later, or anything would he still be here, or was it really suppose to be his time to go.

He was only 36 years old it was four days before his 37th birthday.

I REALLY MISS HIM. I just can't get him out of my mind, the night of the wreck haunts me all the time.

I was off work for two months from my injuries, I went back for about a month and now I am back off work with Post Tramatic Stress Syndrom.

Life will never be the same again. Since the loss of my best friend in the world, I lost a close friend in a boating accident six weeks after Mike's death and just last week, I had to attend a memorial service for another friend of mine who decided to take her own life.

It been a tough road, please someone tell me there is someday when something is going to get better. I will be honest I have tried to take my own life four times, overdosing on pills.

I know I need help!!!!!!

Jane

In Memory of Michael Wayne Wilson 5-25-69 to 5-21-06

[lorikelly]

Jane

I wish i could tell you something that will make you feel better, i wish i had the magic words. i am sorry i don't. i can only say that you made the first step by coming here and writing, we all understand we are all on this grief journey together. pls continue to come back and write what ever is in your heart, we don't judge just listen. a great group of people come to this site.

are you in therapy? how about meds? you need to get one on one therapy, group therapy and possible meds if needed. pls get the help you need. he would not want you to hurt your self. you have alot to give to this world pls keep trying.

lori

[chrissy777]

Jane,

My husband was 36 when he died as well. Too young. No matter how you lose them it is hard but it has to be so hard for you. I wasnt there when my husband died and I regret it sometimes, but when I think abou watching him die it sends chills down my spine. I wish God spared you that pain. I dont know what else to say but to talk about how you feel. It helps alot to talk. I come here alot because people who dont know how you feel cant help too much. Take care of yourself.

[kayc]

Jane,

I am glad you found this site as it has been a lifesaver to me, there are very caring people here who understand. I am so sorry you lost your Love, and especially, so young. I echo everything Lori had to say and encourage you to seek help in dealing with your loss and depression, it is a very tough road and we all could use whatever help we can get in dealing with it. I was in my husband's hospital room when he started to have his fatal heart attack, I ran for the nurses, and the head nurse literally threw me off of the ward when they started working on him. For the rest of my life, that scene haunts me, the look in his eyes, and my having to ditch him in his greatest moment of need, when we had always been there for each other. I will never forget it and forever I will regret that she intervened in what should have been a private moment, the moment of his being ushered into the next world...I should have been there to tell him it was okay, to reassure him. Instead, he was left on his own to deal with his greatest challenge...that passage into the next world. But a friend of mine had a husband who had a heart attack at home and she stood helplessly by and had to watch his agony and she says that was the worst thing, having to see it...so I guess whether you're there, or whether you're not...it's just plain God-awful-tough.

All of us wish we could take back that moment in time and things could have a different outcome...but instead we're stuck in the here and now and having to deal with harsh reality. All I can say is, one day at a time, just try to survive today and get all the help you can in doing so. We'll be here to listen to you, please keep coming back.

Edited November 7, 2006 by kayc

[janieb0828]

Just for everyone to know, yes I am in therapy and I am very heavily medicated now. The last attempt for me was the final attempt, they made me go get help and medicated me.

I should have known to do that own my own but sometimes when you are down and out, you would just rather take the easy way out. That is what I wanted.

I am glad I did find this website, it does seem that everyone here cares.

My doctor recommended that I go online and look into grief groups.

Thanks so much everyone you don't realize how much your words have really helped me today.

Jane

[LarrysGirl]

Jane, I'm glad you have felt some help from this site and hope that you will continue to reach out here and we all will try to support and listen. We know some of the feelings you are going thru and we understand. You are not alone. Deborah

[kellymarie]

Jane, I just wanted to also say welcome to our family; I am glad you found us. The people on this site have been my main support through this disaster called grief. People who haven't been here just don't get 'it.' I lost my Josh on March 5, 2006. He was driving in a snow storm when a 17 year old kid driving too fast crossed the median and hit Josh directly ending his life instantly. This kid is being charged with negligent homicide. Josh died less than a month before his 28th birthday. I can not even begin to imagine the horror you must have felt being there. I am so sorry for your loss. We are here whenever you need to vent, just not feel alone, or need a hug. Many hugs, Kelly