Feeling So Depressed

[spunkye]

Hi everyone,

I've been at my sister's for almost a week - she got really sick and I was very concerned about her and wanted to be there to help my mom - who is 89 - also. Well yesterday, she (my sister) started a fight with me...from MY perspective I didn't engage in the fight, but I did stand up for myself. Anyway, I ended up leaving and I feel like I never want to speak to her again...she definitely can be quite a b---h.

My mom was crying when I left - so that added to my sadness.

Then, of course, whenever anything goes wrong the first person I want to run to is Dick - and he's not here, so I start bringing that into my mind and that helps me feel even worse.

I ha ven't mentioned this before, but Dick's five grown children from his previous marriage (she died about a year or so before we got married) have hired an attorney and are wanting $350,000.00 from my husband's estate. I have NO idea where they came up with that amount of money or why they even think it's available.

When their mother was alive, Dick and she had a trust - it's called an AB trust - and the living spouse is allowed to spend down the deceased partner's share to keep up their standard of living. Dick told me, after we got married, he wasn't going to leave anything to his kids - but that we were going to live a good and happy life together - it included a trip to Europe, a trip to Hawaii, a motor home and some small trips in that - nothing extravagent - but with a small income (0ur social securities) the money was spent down. After Dick died, his kids decided their mother wanted them to have her share of the trust (I don't even know how much it was) and that their dad misappropriated funds) - now they're after me!

They're willing to settle for $150,000 - I don't even have that kind of money...but I have no idea where this is going..and it definitely adds to my grief, worry, stress and depression. I don't even have my own house - I'm living with my daughter - thank God for her. We sold our house with the intention of buying a mobile home to put on my daughter's property - and then he got sick, lingered for a while, and died.

I came home last night, from my sister's, cried a few tears, but was ok. The;n this morning I thought I would have a nice day with my daughter and go to brunch. aA friend of mine called (I've been avoiding my friends calls), and we started going on and on about everything that's going on, including my husband's death - and I just started sobbing and haven't been able to stop I decided that's why I don't want to talk to anyone! Now all I want to do is go to bed -

I'm exhausted!!

Love, Benita

[LarrysGirl]

Benita, thats alot of stress to add onto the grief you are already going thru. Take time for yourself and breathe, then go to bed and try to get some rest. I think during this grieving our nerves are all on edge. Nobody understands what we are experiencing and then we are so overly tired everything just feels worse. I think we all have to be careful not to overload ourselves and I know I need to take better care of myself also. Deborah

[ustwo]

Benita, I am so sorry you are dealing with so much along with your grief. Sisters...well some are good and some not so good. I have one of each. One compationate...one so full of herself. It was good of you to go to take care of your sister and mother but perhaps you need to take care of yourself first. I don't know if I could be a caregiver again. Once in my life for my love.....one long fight along with him but there's nothing left. Please Benita take care of yourself. We all care about you here.

Always Gene!

Always!

[dpodesta]

Benita,

I wish that I could have some words of wisdom for you that would make it all better, but I am just so drained after today. I will say that you will be in my prayers and God will take care of you, just turn it over to him. Some advice that I need to follow myself. God will give you peace.

Love always

Derek

[spunkye]

Dear Derek, Ustwo and Larry's girl,

Thank you so much for your kind words and support. I know it was a lot to read, but sometimes I don't' write *anything* as it's happening, then it all lets loose!

Sounds like you had a bad day, Derek, - I'm sorry for that, but I do appreciate your prayers...and yes, I need to remember to turn it ALL over to God!!!...nothing I can really do about it anyway, huh?

Thanks again, all of you, for your dear and loving understanding...and yes, I'm GOING to bed!!

Love you all, Benita

[kayc]

Benita,

I am so sorry you are going through all of this...it's very hard to go through those kinds of stresses. I will pray that God will work things out on your behalf. I don't know where kids get the idea they are owed anything beyond the upbringing and support they got being raised...it's their parents that worked for it, if they want it theys should do the same. Your husband expressed his wishes and left it the way it was, they shouldn't dispute it. Anyway, try to trust that all will work out, I'm sure it will. And I'm sorry about the situation with your sister. Try to let it go...she'll have to deal with it eventually. I am so sorry!