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Today has been a very emotional day for me, it has been the first time since April when Karen died that I have been crying off and on all day. Our choitr had our Christmas musical tonight and during rehearsal was the first time I saw the drama portion of it. Oh my gosh, I just couldn't believe how much it hit so close to home and what I am going through. I had a very difficult time singing during the rest of the rehearsal. I will say this tho, I prayed for strength before the performace and God does answer prayers, I was able to make it through the performance. It took its tool on me, afterwards Carson was getting on my last nerve and I raised my voice at him. After I calmed down, I was able to talk to him and tell him I was sorry and I was able to explain what was going on. I haven't felt this sad in a long time, I am holding back the tears even as I type. The main thought that5 triggers it for me is that Karen will get to spend this year in Heaven celebrating Jesus's birth with family that has gone before. She will have the most joyous time and I wish I could share in that with her. It is just so difficult knowing that I will not have her here to celebrate Christmas.

Derek

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Oh Derek,

It is so hard during the holidays - you're being so brave putting one foot in front of the other. I'm just NOT listening to x-mas songs, or getting caught up in the shopping and whirlwind of xmas - every time I start to get sad about Dick and I nothaving x-mas together, I try to think of the real reason for x-mas and become thankful that Jesus was born and has given me his love and so many blessings, they are too numerous to count.

Now I want to start doing what you're doing with Karen - seeing Dick in Heaven with Jesus, celebrating his birth. Oh, what a glorious time that will be and is now!!

God bless, Derek,

Love, Benita

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Derek,

It is hard to keep it together when you have something to remind you of how you feel. I have been back at work and it is hard for me to keep it together when I am about to leave work to go home because I know he wont be there to greet me. I too havnt been celebrating too much. In fact I am working Christmas and eve this year. I am happy I am. If I wasnt I think I would volenteer to work. I havnt thought of how Jason would be spending Christmas but that is a nice thought that he would be celebrating with Jesus. I have tried not to think about it much. I hope things get easier. Take care and God bless.

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Derek

I am sorry that you are having a hard time. this time is such a difficult time of yr, a time when we should be rejoicing and celebrating and we can't. i pray everyday just to give me the strength to get through it. i am not looking forward to New Years can't wait til that goes by.

I am glad that you explained to Carson how you are feeling. there is nothing wrong with letting him know that you are sad. it will also help him. How is he doing?

someone gave me an ornament the other night for my mom . they also gave me the poem. here it is. it will make you cry but hopefully smile also. God Bless Derek. Lori

Merry Christmas From Heaven

I still hear the songs

I still see the lights

I still feel your love

on cold wintery nights.

I still share your hopes

and all of your cares

I'll even remind you

to say your prayers.

I just want to tell you

you still make me proud

You stand head and shoulders

above all the crowd.

Keep trying each moment

to stay in his Grace

I came here before you

to help set the pace.

You don't have to be

perfect all of the time

He forgives you the slip

If you continue to climb.

To my family and friends

please be thankful today

I'm still close beside you

In a new special way.

I love you all dearly

now don't shed a tear

Cause I'm spending my

Christmas with Jesus this year.

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Derek,

I am so sorry you are having such a hard time. I can so relate. It's very hard for me to go to church now with George gone and I've gone all my life! We shared so many memories there.

Lorikelly,

Thank you for sharing that, that is very beautiful, and comforting.

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