AnnieO Posted March 16, 2007 Report Share Posted March 16, 2007 Hello,I decided to go along with my family's wishes and come down to Florida.Everyone thinks "it is just what I need"My entire family has been coming to this same beach for 21 years. This is the first time down here without my mom and dad. It's my daughter's college break so its just the 2 of us. Which is wonderful, but it's so much harder being here than I thought it would be. Everything reminds me of my mom and that she isn't here with me. Her favorite part of each day was sunset. We all had to come to their condo(didn't matter what you were doing) we would watch the sun go down together and then everyone clapped. After 21 years of this, we all took if for granted and just went along with it for my mom's sake. The grandchildren loved it! Now, that I am here, I cannot watch the sunset.when I see it's getting close, I almost panic, trying to keep from seeing it. I keep thinking I will find comfort in being here. So far, it's just so painful.My daughter leaves on Sunday and a college friend is coming to stay for 3 days. I haven't seen her in 6 years, she just lost her mom last year, so I hope we aren't a couple of sad sacks sitting on the beach. Then my husband and son and his friends are coming down. I feel guilty being away from my dad, but I really needed some time away from him. Thanks for listening. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lorikelly Posted March 16, 2007 Report Share Posted March 16, 2007 I think it is great that you went. you should be proud of yourself, i am not sure if i could of gone. i have such fears and being close to home helps me. we are also planning a trip to florida to go to disney world in the end of june. my moms anniversary will be around that time and my husband and therapist think it is good that i get away. i hope i do ok.maybe having your friend with you who understands will help you. just talk about what ever you need to and be gentle with yourself.. i think that is the hardest thing to do , we want to get back "normal" and we try to rush how we are feeling. i am not sure though if I will ever get back to normal. i am not sure what that is anymore.my wish for you is peace, i hope you can find some there and also feel your mom with you. lori Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trudy1964 Posted March 18, 2007 Report Share Posted March 18, 2007 Annie,It's the things that we took for granted or even the things that kinda got on my nerves a little bit that I miss the most. Right now it's raw pain. In time to come, (when your ready) everytime you see a sunset, you'll be able to say "hello, Mom." Your Mom is shining those warm rays on you and your family so glad that you are keeping the tradition going. I agree with Lori, give your self time. You have been through a lot. You still have quite a bit to go through. My Mom had been gone for 8 months. I say fruit parfait in wal-mart today and almost burst into tears. (My neice bought her some trying to get her to eat something when she no longer had an appetite). It just takes times and just when you think your getting a grip it surprises you.I'm saying a special prayer for you as we have all been where you are.Missing my Mom,Trudy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnnieO Posted March 21, 2007 Author Report Share Posted March 21, 2007 Hello,Well, I did it...I watched a sunset! Yesterday was my mom's birthday. I was with my friend, who lost her mom 18 months ago. Both our moms loved a nice glass of wine and sunsets, so we took our wine down to the beach and watched the sunset and toasted our moms. It was so hard and emotional. I was so glad she was with me. Today, I woke up and felt better than I have in months. I had so many calls yesterday from family members, all wanting to remember my mom on her birthday. On a day I thought I would feel so alone, I was surrounded by my mom and all the people who loved her. I hope everyone has a good day today. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janine Posted March 21, 2007 Report Share Posted March 21, 2007 Annie,I was praying that you would gather your courage and go watch the sun set. There is only beauty in sunsets and I am glad that you saw it with someone who understood the step you were taking. That fear of doing something we know is hard weighs heavy on our spirit. Doing it lifts that weight and brings a little clarity to our feelings. I hope you wake each morning feeling a bit stronger every day.Janine Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted March 21, 2007 Report Share Posted March 21, 2007 Good for you, Annie! We are all so very proud of you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lorikelly Posted March 22, 2007 Report Share Posted March 22, 2007 I am so happy for you. Be proud of yourself. your mom was smiling down on you. Lori Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LoriS. Posted March 23, 2007 Report Share Posted March 23, 2007 I'm happy for you, too, Annie! Lori Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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