Hello To All

[sean o]

Hello to all, I lost my wife March 20, She went to sleep and didn't wake up. 43 and healthy and i have no known cause. I also have our 4 year old daughter. We were toghether for over 20 yrs but married for only 6. Lisa was my everything. The perfect one for me. everything was so easy for us together, we were so happilly living our dreams. Now she is gone. She was my best friend, my lover, my wife and mother of our child. The most loving and lovable person i have ever known, and this is so shocking and tragic. I still feel so numb although i cry everyday. This pain is so hard the hurt is so deep. I had never questioned my faith before this. I loved life and everything in it, but my faith has been shaken to the core. That realization is almost as hard as the loss. It feels like there is no hope left. i love my daughter so much she is the only reason i am still here. I am so alone here and am so lost in grief that i feel paralyzed. I am unable to function other than the needed things to take care of my little girl. I am so scared and this seems so unreal. I hope i can find some help here. I am just so hearbroken and sad and i just don't know who i am or how to live.

[karenb]

I feel you've come to the right place for caring and understanding. Everyone here is going through this and there is a lot of insight and sensitivity for you and your daughter. Thank God you have her! She needs so much love just as you do. When you read these posts you'll find that all that you feel, you should be feeling. I'm so sorry you don't know what happened. That has to be an awful feeling. I hope you have caring support from family and friends. That does help. My faith was shaken, I felt so alone and just wanted to crawl in a hole and just "be" for a while. Very slowly I started coming to terms with things and now, July 27th will make it two years, I'm finding some joy in some of the things I've started making myself do. All this will happen for you, too, in time. But for now just do what you can do, take care of that sweet little girl and yourself as well. Let us know how you and your daughter are doing.

I pray for your healing.

KarenB

[kayc]

sean o,

Oh how I can relate to you! My faith was always rock hard solid...until this. It also shook my faith to its core. I have finally come through that with an even deeper awareness that God is with me and knows what He is doing even when I do not understand or like what's happening. It does not depend upon my awareness or acceptance, He is just there, regardless. I can't say as it is the same, it is different, but my relationship with Him is good. I am still not able to go to church...I went all my life, every time the doors were open, but seeing that empty spot in the pew, and seeing all those happy faces whose lives went on the day mine stopped, well it's just been hard. It's funny, I went the first year afterward, but like I said, this second year has been harder for me. The pain of losing the person that meant your very life's breath to you is indescribable, it leaves you with a shaken identity and lost sense of purpose. It takes an incredible amount of energy and time, but we need to build something back into our lives, the knowing who we are and our purpose. It takes a lot of time. We wish you the best in your new journey, I know you didn't ask for it or want it, but it is yours all the same, and we are here to help you go through it. You have no choice but to go forward, want to or not, you have a young daughter to live for and go on for. We will be praying for you both.

[Mrcelloboy]

Sean,

My heart is with you. I lost my partner of ten years, Kathy, a bit over 6 months ago to a bicycle/recycling truck accident.

She was half of me.

I encourage you to find a local Hospice Bereavement Support Group. I've found this assistance very valuable. I also get one-on-one counseling from a man I saw for relationship issues when Kathy was still here.

The hardest task I faced at first was re-creating my life as an individual. I'd let Kathy become a large part of who I was, and in fact had let my partners, since my teens, largely define my sense of self.

Kathy knew I loved being a partner, and had as much as admonished me to look for a new woman if something ever happened to her.

My memories of her will always be with me.

Maury

[dpodesta]

Sean,

I am so sad to hear of your loss, to know that someone else is facing what I had to face a little over a year ago is heartbreaking. What you described in your post is the feelings and thoughts that I had exactly when I lost my wife. Karen died April 6th, 2006 from a heart attack while we were on vacation, she was only 45. We have a 7 year old son. During the first few months I was numb and able to do just enough to take care of my son. I stopped eating but once a day and lost 20 pounds that I didn't need to lose. There were a lot of days that I thought about suicide and in talking to a good friend a few months ago I learned that I was leaving hints to that fact in our conversations that I didn't even remember. That time period seemed like such a blur and in a dark cloud with no light at the end.

Sean, you will probably hear this more than you will care to but, It will get better. Talk to your doctor if you need to, I was on anti-depressants for about 9 months and I don't think I could have made it without them. I have learned to start living again, not just for my son but for myself as well. I gained all the weight back and then some. The nights are still lonely as I am sure they will be for some time, but they are now bearable I can see my future and I know that Karen is looking down on me and smiling. I am sure our loved ones want us to live on and enjoy life. I can now say that I am starting to enjoy life. Just keeping coming here and posting what is going on with you there are a lot of people here that want to help. Fell free to use my personal e-mail if you would like, you can find it very easily from this site. If you e-mail me I will also share my phone number if you would like to talk, I know for myself that a one on one conversation helps so much. You will be in my prayers,

love always

Derek

[Stallyn]

Sean, bless your soul, I am so sad for your loss, I lost my wife to cancer March 2, she was 37, and married 8 wonderful years; its been a long journey,my faith was shaken upside down but God will never leave you, You always will have a part of her in your child and yourself always. Please don't bear this alone, consult a grief counselor and someone available to you. You came to a wonderful support site here, Please let us know how you are doing.

William

[missingcharlie]

Sean - My heart goes out to you. I am TRULY sorry for your loss. The way you lost your wife had to have been such a shock and an absolute tragedy. Your loss is still so new and to have a 4 year old to care for is going to make for a rough journey, BUT I know you can do this!! I am SURE that everyone of us here, at first, felt like they couldn't go on without the one we love so much, but we are all still "plugging along". As Kayc said, you don't have any choice....you HAVE to continue on. Your daughter is depending on you!! Even tho she is only 4, you have to know how much her heart is breaking, too. She will need all the love you can possible come up with and I KNOW she will return that to you. I have a 4 year old granddaughter and her hugs and kisses can heal just about anything.

My loss has been considerably longer than yours; I just went passed 2 1/2 years without beloved husband. He passed from cancer at the way too young age of 46. I will NOT tell you that I don't miss him SO MUCH everyday, but I can tell you that the excruciating pain does lessen with time. I know you are thinking now that you can't imagine that, but it's true.

I was wondering if I could ask you a question....why is it that they do not know how your wife passed away? Did you not want an autopsy done?

Sean, PLEASE keep coming here. I promise you that we will help you through this journey; we will walk beside you and keep you going!!!

You will find some very caring and understanding people here. Come and talk with us!

Hugs to you and your daughter!!

Patti

[Steven]

Hi Sean,

When my wife died, I knew it was coming and still I felt absolutely, totally, completely unprepared for her death. Nothing I can think of would make the death of a spouse easier, but waking up in the way you did is heartbreaking to read about in the extreme. The shock you felt makes my stomach flip every time I think of it. I'm so sorry to read about your pain and loss.

It seems that people of faith may have another dimension to deal with when already there's too much to face. I have a very good friend--a lifetime Catholic who discusses his changed thinking about faith and God after the death of his wife from multiple-types of cancer. He actually feels a sort of relief post-faith. This terrible event in your life may strengthen your faith as it has for others who post on this site, or it may usher in a new way of thinking and coping for you. Surely, most of the kind people on this board will cast their vote for these terrible losses of loved ones being part of God's mysterious plan, but if that kind of thinking no longer works for you, please know that faith is not a requirement for all who are forced to deal with this sort of terrible event. Navigating through the pain of catastrophic loss is on the razor edge of manageable no matter if you are religious or not. I'm doing it (moment by moment) without faith, I have friends who have done it with faith. Neither is easy; both are possible. Know that we're here to help you (and each other), no matter your path.

I hope you'll continue to post here, seek the support of those experiencing the same types of pain through a bereavement support group as Maury suggests, and continue the "one foot in front of the other" method of survival navigation. Sean, I'm sure you'll hear over-and-over again that you must be strong for your daughter, but I think it possible--make that very likely, that you will draw strength from her. She is a natural miracle--the result of yours and your wife's love, and will forever represent that beautiful part of your life. We're with you.

Steve