9 Weeks And 1 Day Ago Today.....

[Jess]

My life changed forever. My husband was in a head on collision with a VA Medivac and died instantaneously. I am only 33 and he was 38. We have 4 children ages 12,10,3 1/2 and 13 months. We were married for 14 years.

I honestly don't know how I've made it over that last 9 weeks. I miss him SO VERY MUCH! My heart is aching and I really don't know how to cope. I just got in with my therapist today which was good but I left there feeling like I was hit by a MAC truck.

I feel like I'm still so deep in grief right now that I can't do anything. I think about the accident constantly. I think about his poor crushed body. And I obsess if he saw the van coming and what his last thoughts were.

Does this get better? I mean really? Does it ever get better this grief? How do you make it better?????

[karenb]

I am so very sorry for you and your family. You're so young to have had this happen. I'm glad you're in counseling as that may be the only thing you can do right now. As you'll see as you read the posts in this forum it will just take time and that time will be very hard to go through. There are many, many emotions and feelings. My husband died suddenly, too. I know how that feels...it's just plain shock! Your children really need you and I know that has to be hard, too. I hope you have caring people around you. Lean on those that can give you love and support. Please take care of yourself and your children. Let us know how you're doing. I will send my prayers your way.

KarenB

[christe]

I am so sorry for your loss. My husband also died suddenly 21 months ago and it makes the grief more complicated when you have no chance to say goodbye.He fell from a ladder and I found him unconsious - he never woke up. I still often wonder what his last thoughts were. His cell phone was lying under his right hand - had he tried to call for help? When we kissed goodbye that morning it just seemed like a normal day and I have not had a "normal" day since then.

But.......it does get a little easier...after a while. You are just still in shock and probably will be for a while. I was at my worst about 5 months after the accident when the shock was wearing off and the realization sunk in that this was really happening to me. Be kind to yourself. Make use of any help offered - tell people what you need done if they make a vague offer of help. People want to help but they often have no idea what to do. Some days all I could do was drag myself to work and watch myself put one foot in front of another and wonder how my body knew how to keep going. I was sure for a long time that my broken heart would just stop beating but it never did! My body seemed to know what to do to keep me alive but I secretly hoped that it would just stop functioning and I could get to be with my beloved Butch again.

Now I know that I have to go on but the hurt never goes away completely. I think that the depth of hurt is a measure of how much we love or departed ones and this gives me some comfort to know that I am capable of such love.

Please just look after yourself and allow yourself to feel all the avalanches of diverse feelings that will wash over you. Sometimes I feel great waves of grief coming towards me and now I know that there is nothing I can do about it but just feel it and know that it will pass. I will hold you in my prayers and wish you comfort in your children during this journey of grief. Please let us know how you are doing.

Christine

[LarrysGirl]

You are asking the questions we all have asked... will it ever get better. It changes but it takes time, alot of it. There isn't anything for you to do but take it one day at a time. This is all so new and I know you can't imagine going thru this pain much longer but grief does take its own time. I'm at 18 months and he never leaves my mind, I still have questions, and memories flood in everyday. I have some good days among the bad and I am surviving, something I didn't think I would. I wish you peace on this journey. Keep sharing your feelings and this will help. Deborah

[kellymarie]

Hi Jess, My Josh, who was 27, was killed in a head on collision by a kid that was driving too fast in the snow. That was 15 months ago. The kid goes to trial in Decemeber. For many, many months I thought about the accident, all those questions about Josh's last minutes, what the witnesses from the scene said, what Josh's face looked like plastered with makeup at the funeral home, etc. I just wanted to tell you that now my thoughts are from the happy times, Josh being alive, etc. Yes, occassionally I think of the accident, like yesterday I teared up on the highway where there was a memorial for someone else. But mostly the good memories are here now. But, yes, in the beginning it is all horror. I hope it's a tiny bit of hope to know that someday the good memories will come more often than the bad. Hugs to you and your children in this painful time. Kelly

[kayc]

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Christe offered some very good advice as well as KarenB, I can't help but agree with everything that was said here to you. What you are experiencing is normal for your situation and you will find many of us who have gone through it. My husband also died suddenly and sometimes you are haunted by the things you can't change. Please try to get some help, a good support group and/or counseling. Keep coming to this site, it's important to get your feelings out. We want to be here for you.