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My doctor today told me that I have to take the andidepresends <He said that I have to choose if I want to live or if I want toget sick and dye also.Has any of you got any help by taking the drugs recomented/?For me it is geting worst every day It is like Im now realising that My life is never going to be the same and I just dont know if I want that lonely life.It is the first summer without my love and the end of the world came for me.My son told me that he can understand the way I feel but I can not understand that he also hurts loosing a loving father so sudden.It was like he opened a door and going away without saying good by.So many words unspoken so many questions with th no answers I wish my english was better so I could expres myself more. TENY

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Teny, I think your english is just fine, you are expressing your thoughts and we are able to understand. I got onto antidepressants very soon after Karen's death, I knew I was going to need them in order to surive. They don't get rid of all feelings, they help to level you out. If you start them, give them a couple of weeks to take affect.

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Teny, just my personal experience, but I also take an antidepressant. I started shortly before Larry died. You will still feel your grief and still have thoughts that are difficult but overall I think they do help. Maybe you should consider trying it. I'm thinking of you. Deborah

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My dear Teny,

You may find this post helpful:

The Use of Antidepressants in Grieving

I'd also like to share with you a post I wrote to another member quite some time ago, as I think it may speak to you as well:

Posted by: MartyT Tuesday, April 25, 2006 @ 02:24 PM

I'm so glad you found your way to this kind and caring place, although I'm very sorry for the reasons that brought you here. Please accept my deepest sympathy for the death of both your parents.

I agree that going to receive your award and following through with your studies is important, provided that you acknowledge that nothing changes the reality that both your parents have died so close together, and your grief will accompany you wherever you go, whether you want it to or not.

Grief is extremely powerful and not something we can easily avoid; if we don’t acknowledge what we’ve lost and how we feel about it, we may find ourselves expending enormous energy just trying to keep a lid on it, and often unsuccessfully. We cannot always predict or control the timing of sudden upsurges of grief, especially when our losses are so recent. Much as we may try to avoid them or ignore them, our various reactions to loss can pop up when we least expect them. They can be triggered by something as simple as a song on the radio, an advertisement in a magazine, or a face in a crowd that reminds us of the person we have lost. If we’ve had little or no prior experience with bereavement, we may be caught off-guard and feel totally unprepared to deal with this when it happens to us. Not knowing what to expect, we find ourselves wondering if our reactions are normal and dreading what may be coming next. But when we’re armed with an understanding of grief, and know what feelings and experiences we can normally expect, we are able to face the weeks and months ahead more readily.

Much as you may want to do so, dear Tara, there is no way to avoid this grief of yours. You cannot wait it out, you cannot postpone it, you won’t simply “get over it,” and nobody else can do your grief work for you. It’s called grief work because it is hard work, and if you put it off, like a messy chore or a sink full of dirty dishes, it will sit there waiting to be done – and the longer it waits, the harder is becomes. I want to suggest that, as you follow through with your plans to pursue your studies and your career, you also set aside some time to do your grief work. You can do it in pieces, you know – you don’t have to do it all at once!

What do I mean by grief work? I mean doing the things you already know how to do: writing, journaling, meditating, dreaming, reading, remembering – but with the intention of paying attention to your grief. Just as you will do with your studies over the next year, set aside some time each day to pay attention to your sorrow at losing both your parents. Experiment with it as you go along, and take it in manageable doses, say for a half-hour each evening, at the end of your day. Just for that specific time-frame, immerse yourself in memories: bring both your parents to mind, talk to them in your mind, remember them and recall or write down your favorite stories about them. As a very wise woman once said, “If their song is to continue, then we must do the singing.” Accept your award in their honor, and dedicate your work to them. These are what Thomas Attig calls “sorrow-friendly practices,” and you already know how to do them. Do some reading about what is normal in grief, so you’ll have a better idea of what you can expect. Keep reading the messages posted in this and other forums on this site – there is no better place to learn about grief and how different people react to it.

You say you feel isolated and alone (another normal feeling in grief!) but you've already met some very experienced and compassionate people right here on this site – and one of the most wonderful things about them is that, if you have access to a computer and the Internet, you can take all of them right along with you, wherever you go!

Now that you have found us, remember this: You are not alone on this journey, no matter where you are physically, or where your studies and work may take you. We are right here beside you, every step of the way.

Wishing you peace and healing,

Marty T

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Teny

I had to go on one. i fought taking one for so long. by the time i finally accepted i needed it , it was 6 mos. i was going to therapy every week, seeing my priest also so i was doing everything else. i was not able to sleep, eat or function. i was having sever panic attacks, lost so much wt ( i am thin so i didn't need it)could not sleep more then a few hours. i was a mess, the worst i could ever be. i believe i was dying a little each day. i would try to eat but the food would not go down. my dr. said i had to if i wanted to go on. i needed to for my children and my husband. i was terrified but finally broke down and took them. if you need them please don't be afraid to ask for help. i think you also should go for counseling. i am also involved in a grief support group. get all the help you need. lori

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I wish that I had not waited so long to go to the doctor and get on anti-depressants. They don't eliminate all the feeling but help even out things a little. Try and remember to take care of yourself too. Eat. Exercise if you can. The anti-depressants helped me enough to start doing this.

May God bless you,

Stephen

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Dearest Teny, I am so sorry you are traveling this lonely road. But you are not alone with so many at this site. I am nearly 26 months into this journey. Now I call it survival. And for me to be able to survive I had to accept the fact that I needed the help of medication. I fought taking anything for a long time but eventually realized I needed help. There are no support groups in my community and since we had just moved here I had no friends. For two years the only people I knew were doctors and nurses as Gene began his last fight. This site...my pc support family saved my sanity. Time begins to mellow the pain but sometimes it becomes overwhelming again and the medication helps just to get to the next day. And this community is always here to reach out when we need to pour out feelings. Everyone here understands....everyone here knows. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself. I thought I was strong enough to do this alone. I was not. This family is here for you, for each other. And we all care. We all truely understand the real pain of a "broken heart".

Always Gene!

Always!

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