Hi My Friends

[teny]

Deborah Patti Marty Karen Kayc Lorikelly .THANK YOU ALL for being there.My so called vacations lasted 4 days .I was with my children and could not feel joy .The island is beatiful but I only kept crying for my loss.I can not carry YIANY in my heart as MARTY says.I need him by my side to share my life my feelings my thoughts.I doknow I just exists and not being alive .In the boat coming back I was crying thinking that even going home home is not there any more and nobody is waiting for me. maybe YIANY is waiting for me and most of the time is where I want to go .It is dificult not to have alife of your own and depend on your children.I feel Ican not give and reaseive love even from my children.It hurts so much to realise that the life y ou knew is over and and you have to axcept alife you dont like or no life I need your help and advise why is it geting harder as time goes by/?.

[lorikelly]

Teny

First i want to say that you should be proud of yourself that you made it 4 days. take each thing as a accomplishment. You went and tried and that is good in itself.

I also think for me the 5-7 month were horrible. i have come to realize that this will happen , the good and the bad. i just go with it , if i am sad i cry and i let it out. i still go for counseling and am in a support group which meets once a month, this also helps.

Remenber one moment at a time. Lori

[karenb]

Believe me it will get better. Have you thought of counseling or a local support group as Lori and many of us have done? I am so sorry this is so hard for you. I do remember those times for myself where I just didn't want him to be gone but what can you do? You just have to continue on. Try to be good to yourself and flow through the feelings the best you can. It is good you have those children....they can be such a blessing. Hang in there.

Karen

[kayc]

Teny,

I am not surprised that you feel as you do. Four days is an accomplishment at this point in time. We are here to support you and I know you can't see it right now, but it will get better. I have heard it said that when one is losing weight, they cannot see it, but when someone they haven't seen for a while sees them, they notice it right away, it's because we experience the changes ever so gradually while they get the full effect of seeing all of the changes at once. It is like that in our grief journey, we don't see the changes because they are so gradual, but when you look back and compare with where you were, you can see it, and you need to acknowledge the work you put into it and commend yourself for having just survived. Eventually you will feel joy in your kids, your grandchildren, in life. It takes time, much time. I am sorry you are in so much pain, believe me when I say we have all been through this. I think you said once that you don't have support groups there, well we are here for you, we are your support group. We care about you and support and applaud you in all of your efforts. In time, you WILL carry Yianni with you as a comfort inside of you, I know because I have made it to that place and it feels much better. Right now you are still dealing with the huge adjustments that come to your everyday world. You ask why it seems to be getting worse? Because reality is setting in...that shock that shields us in the beginning is gone and the harsh reality has hit. But eventually, that too will ease up.

[Jan 44]

Teny, My name is Jan. I identify with the pain you are feeling. I lost my beloved husband, David, unexpectedly on April 19. After reading your postings, I feel that you, like me, always considered yourself to be strong enough to handle just about anything - until this, that is. David's death has literally brought me to my knees. Yesterday I swollowed my pride and went to the Dr. for help with my grief and depression. He gave me some medicine (which will take 2-4 weeks to begin working) and he also set me up with a grief counselor beginning on Wednesday. I went into his office feeling ashamed that I am unable to get through this on my own but I came out of his office feeling that I still have some control over my life. I still have the grief, the loneliness, and the tears but I feel a bit stronger somehow. I will say some extra prayers for you tonight - that you find some peace. Jan

[Stallyn]

Teny,

I feel for you, you accomplished alot in the four days, I know how painful it is, love is such a powerful thing that endures always, though our hearts ache and our bodies weaken, We have something powerful that we shared with our spouses. I pray that he will comfort you.