I Need Some Friends, 1 Month Today

[Guest moparlicious]

Hello all. I really need some friends today. Today is 1 month since my beloved Dan has died. I feel so empty today and so much pain and anger. I just want him here with me so bad. I know it takes time to heal,but each day which passes, seems to get harder and harder. A dear friend of mine died at Hospice on Sept. 14,2007, she like my husband had cancer. She was 4 days shy of being 40 years old. She leaves behind 3 children. I was strong enough to attend her funeral yesterday, but when her daughter tried to jump in the hole with her mom and had to be restrained, it was so overwhelming,then the screaming began. I wasn't sure at first if it was me who was screaming inside or what was happening. How sad!!! I felt just like her. I can't count the times I say how much I want to go with my Dan. Why can't I just be with him. I still do. Nothing makes any sense. The why's. I want him back so bad. I miss his voice and holding his hand. Our youngest daughter, won't have her father to watch her graduate high school, or walk his daughter's down the aisle. Our only son also. I guess we will cross that bridge when we come to it. But for today, I need prayers and love. I opened my closet yesterday morning, I found a angel key chain,no one knows where it came from and no one has seen it before. I took it as a sign from my husband. I heard someone coughing outside my window, but no one was there. I went outside to check. Am I losing my mind??????????? Thank you to you all for your support. Love, Kim

[dpodesta]

Wow, that is a lot to handle. The pain will seem like it is getting worse for awhile before it gets better. Like you said you realize that it will take time. I like yourself wanted to be with Karen in the begining. I was very sucidal and thought about going through with it several times. What kept me here was my son who is now 8 years old. You are not going crazy, sometimes wierd things happen after a death that just can't be explained. My sister heard her name called in Karen's voice several nights in a row right after Karen died. In fact at the time that Karen died, my sister woke up wide awake knowing that something was wrong. She had only been asleep for an hour or two after working an all night shift. Just keep taking it one day at a time. I know it is hard righ tnow to look ahead and think about all of the things he won't be there for, but for now try and not think about those, think about just today, once you are able to start looking at today and today only it will get easier. You will be in my prayers.

Love always

Derek

[karenb]

Kim....You're in the right place for friends who understand. No, of course, you're not losing your mind. Shock and grief are doing these things to you and I'm sure many feelings, thoughts and actions will keep happening to you for a while. As you've probably read here this is an ongoing process. You'll never get over it, just get used to it but it lessens with time. We're all here with you whenever you need it or just to even vent for no reason at all. These feelings are so hard to deal with but you will. Just remember to take care of yourself, even eating is tough. I lost a lot of weight in the beginning. Try to just get through this day a little at a time and be with caring people. Take care.

Your friend....Karen

[dpodesta]

Karen,

I know what you mean when it came to eating. I lost 20 pounds during the first few months and I was skinny to begin with so I didn't need to lose it. Now 17 months later I have gained those 20 back plus another 15 on top of that. I am almost at the point of where I either need to go on a diet or buy new clothes.

Love always

Derek

[Guest moparlicious]

Derek,

Thank you!!!! With friends like you, I will make it through another day. God bless you my friend. Kim

Karen,

Thank you for your wonderful way you help all of us,your wonderful. Thanks. Kim

[lorikelly]

You are not crazy, you are grieving.

My husband and myself heard my mom call our names soon after she died. I know it was her, it sounded just like her.

Also the morning she died i woke righ around that time and then fell back off to sleep. i believe it was my mom telling me she left.

I find comfort in these things, i only wish for more.

My heart and prayers go out to you.

Lori

[kayc]

No you aren't going crazy, sometimes things that are out of the ordinary can't be explained but that doesn't make them any less real.

Like was already said here, try to take care of yourself and remember, one day (or hour, or minute) at a time.

[Stallyn]

Like KayC said its normal, here is always a open door if you need friends, this is a wonderful place to meet them.

Blessings,

William