Jump to content
Grief Healing Discussion Groups

Hello


Recommended Posts

Hello everyone. I hope you're all well at the moment (at least physically if not mentally or emotionally).

Things are very bad here. I don't even think I can venture an explanation at the moment, I suppose that I just need some friends right now.

Sorry for not having a point, I guess sometimes you just need to write something, ya know?

Again, hope that you're all well (enough).

Christian (The Duke)

Edited by northern duke
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Christian,

I'm sorry you're having a bad time. When the time is right for you, maybe you might want to share this "bad" time. I hope your sister is doing fine and your grandparents are well, and you're plugging along at school. It's not easy what you're going through....we sure know, but you're going to make it. Think beautiful thoughts of your mom, I'm sure she's with you trying to give you strength. Take care, Christian, and know that you have good friends here.

Your friend, Karen :wub:;)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hey Christian,

I can only repeat what everyone else said...tell us how you feel and remember that we all truly care. It's weird, but sometimes my feelings are very clear and then sometimes they are fuzzy and vague. It's very frustrating when this happens because I have no idea how to try to "fix" it. If I know how I'm feeling, I can at least think about it, try to cope with it. But that "fuzzy floating around in a bubble" feeling is scary. Is that kind of how you're feeling? Anyway, hang in there and let us help if you think we can.

A BIG hug,

Shell

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you everyone for being so patient with me. I have been thinking about all of the crap that has recently happened and I think that I am finally able to divulge some Information.

My sister and I have withdrawn from our courses at school after a very long and agenizing waste of time and money. My Grandfather could not be more ashamed of me and to tell you the truth, neither could I. I tried telling him that now just wasn’t the time, after so many life changing disasters to start a big commitment like College. I told him that I do intend to go back to school, indeed I want to, but forcing me into it now wasn’t going to lead to success.

I just found out that a friend of mine from high school killed herself while she was at college. I wasn’t ready for this one. I miss her very much. I hadn’t seen her in so long, but knowing now that I never will hurts so much. She was my only friend. I wish I’d noticed something and could have helped her.

My problems, while many of which self inflicted are, I feel eclipsed by a much larger one. There is something seriously wrong with me. I can feel myself starting to give up. I HATE this about myself. When Mom was sick things were bad but I never gave up. Now I feel my mask slipping off. I can no longer pretend to happy for my Grandfather. It’s becoming harder and harder to wake up in the morning. I don’t eat, I can’t drive and my mind has been drifting inevitably to thoughts that I dare not mention. I can’t remember being so ashamed of myself.

I have however set up an appointment with a therapist for next Friday morning. I hope that he can help.

But more than any of his help, I want all of yours the most. I don’t think you guys know just how important you are to me. Being alone is something that I’ve grown oddly accustomed to for a while now. I don’t like it but I’m used to it, I’m more or less “comfortable” with it. But you all have reminded me what good can come from friends. You’ve helped me become able to recognize when I need help, and for that I am eternally grateful.

OK, I think that covers it. Please pardon my bluntness; I know it sounds very sad-sacky.

Any help would be monumentally appreciated.

Thank you all.

PS, please say a prayer for my friend. Her name was Colleen.

Christian (The Duke)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Christian,

I am so, so, so sorry that you now have to deal with another loss and such a traumatic one. I want you to know though that I am very proud of you to recognize that you need help. It took me almost 11 yrs. to realize that I needed help. I had my first therapist visit this past Wednesday. We are all here for you and care about you. You are so young and have a wonderful life ahead of you, even though it does not feel like it. You dropped out of school now what you need to do is let that go for right now. You made a decision and you need to let it go for now. Concentrate now on getting yourself better. Please try and make yourself eat even though you don't feel like it, I have had to choke down many a meal, so that you do not get physically ill now. You need to keep up your strength. Please make sure that you get yourself out of the house when you are feeling so down. If you do not feel like driving, go for a long walk, just do something. There are many days that I make myself go for a walk or go walk around a store.

Please do not blame yourself or have guilt over your friend, there are things in this life that we have no control over and you need to understand that.

I am always around as I have not found a job yet since my move so please post if you need someone to talk to, I am always checking the site.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers! Hang in there, you are worth it! ;)

Hugs & prayers,

Corinne

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Christian,

I knowe where yo are coming from, after Karen died I was sucidal for awhile. I was ready to give up on life, however I have an 8 year old to take care of so that is what kept me here. It sounds like you are taking the right steps, keep your appointments with the theripst and remember that you will not always feel better after an appointment but that is what is needed to get through this.

Love always

Derek

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Northern Duke,

I am so very sorry that things are not well right now... Please continue to come back even if it is to write what you feel eventhough it may seem that it does not make sense... And if you can not write than come back and just read from other posts... I know that things look gray but in the next few days things might brighten up a little... Take care and I will pray for you Shelley

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My dear Christian,

Like everyone else here, I am gratified that you've decided to share with us what you are feeling and where you are in your life right now. It takes great courage to be so open with others, and even greater courage to acknowledge that you need help. But these are also the first steps toward healing, and I commend you for being brave enough to take them.

I'm so sorry to learn about the suicide death of your friend Colleen. That burden alone is enough for anyone to carry, but for you and where you are in your own grief now, Christian, it can be catastrophic. We're all very concerned about you, and the feelings you describe in your latest post (sadness,hopelessness, withdrawal from friends and family, loss of interest or enjoyment in activities, changes in eating and sleeping habits, feelings of shame and worthlessness, lack of enthusiasm and motivation, lack of energy, difficulty concentrating and making decisions, and thoughts of death or suicide) indicate that you are suffering from depression, and you are in need of professional help. I understand that you have an appointment with a therapist and I am very pleased to know that, because depression is very treatable when you get the right kind of help ~ but I also know that when you're feeling like this, seven days is a very long time to wait. I hope that when you made the appointment, you made it clear that you need to see someone as soon as possible. (It's okay, for example, to call back and let the therapist's office know that you are very depressed and worried that you may be in danger of hurting yourself. That's the only way the person making the appointment can measure the urgency of your need. There is such a thing as working you in sooner, after all. You can also ask to be notified if someone cancels an earlier appointment than yours, so you can take that person's place.) Is your sister aware of how you are feeling right now? Is there anyone, anyone in your family with whom you can talk without feeling judged -- another relative, clergy person, neighbor, friend from school?

I want to refer you to some sites online that you will find helpful until you can see someone in person. Please promise me that you will take some time to visit them, Christian, okay? And for the next seven days, please stay in very close touch with all of us here.

If you are thinking about suicide, read this first

Suicide and Crisis Helplines Around the World

Friends and Families of Suicide Support

Friends for Survival: Help after a Suicide Death

Survivors of Suicide

When Someone You Love Commits Suicide

Grief Due to Complicated Death

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Christian,

I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend. I've been through that (an ex-boyfriend committed suicide) and I can tell you that there was nothing you could have done. I know the guilt feelings attached to it, but I will never forget what his sister said to me. She told me "At least he's happy now." These people make a choice and I guess all we can do is "honor" their choice and be glad they are not haunted by their demons anymore.

As far as quitting school, you should feel proud of yourself, not ashamed. I am so impressed with how wise you are at your age. You know it's not the right time and you did the right thing. I know your grandfather is making you feel guilty too, but remember that he came from a very different time and mindset. Especially for men, in their time they didn't get into emotional stuff much. They thought it was unmanly. So please, please try to not let his disappointment make you feel bad about yourself. Just chalk it up to his lack of understanding your position right now.

I'm thrilled you are going to a therapist. Be very open with him/her and don't hold anything back. Remember, they've heard it many times, so don't feel funny about telling them anything you are feeling. Another mature, wise choice you made! You really are special...don't forget that. And keep us all updated, we care very much.

Good luck with your appointment and hang in there!

A BIG hug,

Shell

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Christian,

I've been gone with a storm power outage and when I read what's happening with you my heart just goes out to you. These things are so, so hard and you and your sister are so young to have to come to some kind of terms.

Shell is a wise lady and what she says is so true. It seems important that you feel comfortable with your decisions right now. As she said, your grandfather is coming from a different time, all he wants is what he thinks is best for you and maybe he's not looking at things through your eyes.

I am sorry about your friend, what pain she must have been going through to end her own life. That is so tragic. I've been through that as well and that's a real hard one.

You are so lucky to have had your wonderful mother, and she must have been wonderful for you to have loved her so much. You are a very lucky young man and I bet you've learned things from her you'll never forget.

Stand by yourself, you're a special fellow and I know you're going to make it fine.

Your friend, Karen :wub:;)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...