DawnG Posted October 19, 2007 Report Share Posted October 19, 2007 Four months since she died today. I miss her just as m uch as I did when she took her last breath. I get angry when I see elderly women and ask why do they get to grow old and my mom never got the chance. I see moms with daugthers and want to scream, I want to tell everyone I see that my mom died.I'm just in a weird place tonight, not really sure what I'm writting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shell Posted October 19, 2007 Report Share Posted October 19, 2007 Dawn,What you're writing are your feelings, and that's wonderful. That is the one thing I've found about grieving, that you HAVE to acknowledge your feelings and get them out. So you are doing good.I am at the little over four month mark too. I see moms and daughters and it makes me sad too. And I think of people who are still around that are so evil and get mad that they go on and on and people like our moms die. It's perfectly natural to feel these things, especially the anger, so don't worry about it. Just remember that part of your mom is still here...you. Hang in there and keep writing about your feelings.Hugs,Shell Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lyn Posted October 19, 2007 Report Share Posted October 19, 2007 Dear Dawn,Like u, i am also on my 4th month. I couldnt help myself from feeling angry too...i want to scream..i am so tired of feeling this pain. People will see me smile, it is so hard to pretend that i am ok when deep down, i am falling apart.Everyday i have to remind myself to keep going, everyday, i have to push myself to wake up, to face the day, to eat my food and do what i am supposed to do yet the heaviness in my heart does not subside. They say it will get better in time, and that's all i am hoping. Yes, there will always be pain, but everyday, little by little i am adjusting to live with it.. the pain will never go away. i hope someday i will be able to understand the reasons for all of these.I just feel so bad tonight too. Hope we will all get through this..Will be praying for u and ur mom. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chuckles1984 Posted November 3, 2007 Report Share Posted November 3, 2007 7 months, 23yrs, and so irritated when I see a mother daughter pair. I feel bad, I probably give the dirtiest looks when I see them. I just feel cheated out of part of my life. My mom had 55 years with my grandmother, I got just under 23 with her. God, I miss her. And oh jeeezzz, do I ever want to stand up sometimes and announce, "I LOST MY MOM AND I FEEL LIKE CRAP!!!" I never realized how much she was my best friend. I feel empty in so many ways and everyone tries to be a part of "filling the hole" but it's just not possible because she was such a vibrant person, and such a vibrant part of my life. Difficult times, difficult times... I feel for you Dawn. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shell Posted November 4, 2007 Report Share Posted November 4, 2007 Chuckles,I look away when I see mothers and daughters together. It hurts and I know that's not fair, but I can't help it. My mom was my best friend too and so many other things. I just feel like a huge part of myself is missing. It's so hard to come to grips with her death. Hang in there, I know how you feel.Hugs,Shell Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rosanne Posted November 6, 2007 Report Share Posted November 6, 2007 5 months the 10th of this month for me- I am so glad that I read you'alls posts! I really thought I was have really bad thoughts about seeing old women and mother and daughter's together, I resent them in every way! I told my friend about it and she said, now you know that is not normal to think like that!! WHAT IS NORMAL?????????????WHEN YOUR LIFE HAS FALLEN APART AND YOU FEEL LIKE YOUR BODY IS CUT IN HALF AND THE BEST HALF IS GONE! I just don't think I can do this anymore! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lea Posted November 6, 2007 Report Share Posted November 6, 2007 Dawn,I too, lost my mom 4 months ago. The pain is so strong and heavy. I sometimes don't know how I can go on. My mom always said God never gives us more than we can handle. I often wonder how much does he think I can handle. My mom was my best friend and I know how you feel. I find myself being jealous of my friends that still have their moms. They don't even know what a blessing it is. My life will never be the same without my mom. I still had so much to learn from her. She was an exceptional woman and everyday seems to get harder and not better. I never knew how strong this pain could be. Yet, I know that I must go on and hopefully someday the pain will lessen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chuckles1984 Posted November 6, 2007 Report Share Posted November 6, 2007 If someone had told me 5 years ago that I'd be standing here today having lost all of my grandparents and my mom, I would have said you're out of your mind, they're all healthy as a clam. Yet here I am in the mist of that fate and I can't believe what I've pulled through. I don't know where some of my strength has come from, and between it all I feel weaker than ever. But I do believe that we all have the power to pull through. It doesn't mean it's not going to seem unbearable, but somehow the will to live forces us to wake up and face these awful challenges. My stomach is in knots most of the time. Like Lea said, "I know that my life will never be the same without my mom. I still had so much to learn from her" ... But we must separate our feelings of dispair from the reality that we are all still alive and well. We must take care of ourselves. I'm more like my mom than I ever knew, and I think this is really the only thing that gets me through my worst days. So maybe in some way she's still with me... (sigh) but what an awful turn of events... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shell Posted November 7, 2007 Report Share Posted November 7, 2007 Chuckles,I always say that they (our parents) are still here because we are made up from them. They are still here in us. I, too, am so much like my mom, so I feel like I'm continuing on for her or something, but it's not much comfort. Hugs,Shell Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drew Posted January 21, 2008 Report Share Posted January 21, 2008 Ugh, good that I'm not the only one who gets so upset when I see people with their moms! A lot of my friends complain about their moms all the time. I can't stand that! I just want to punch them and say, "Hey! At least she isn't dead!" Its been three and a half weeks since my mom died, and I get so upset when I go out to a resaraunt and see all these old women who look like they're on the brink of death, and my mom was only 53 and full of life. Every time I hear my grandma (my dad's mom) complain about an ache or pain, I just think, "Why didn't she die?" I know that's terrible, but she's in her eighties. I used to be really close to my grandma and I guess we still are, but its hard for me to see her and not think about my dear mother getting terribly sick and dying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rosanne Posted January 21, 2008 Report Share Posted January 21, 2008 Drew-I know exactly how you feel... I have been there and am still there.My mom loved life, why did she have to die so young??? Why did yours??? It makes no sense, how can something good come out of that?Rosanne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shell Posted January 22, 2008 Report Share Posted January 22, 2008 Drew and Rosanne,My thing is why are there so many mean, nasty, or just crazy people still around...why couldn't they die instead of wonderful people like our moms? My moms sister, who is only a year younger and a selfish, crazy person, is still alive and kicking...why couldn't it have been her and not my mom? I guess we'll never understand lifes "mysteries"! Frustrating.Hugs,Shell Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rosanne Posted January 22, 2008 Report Share Posted January 22, 2008 Shell-I agree... and everytime you see them you have these thoughts..... and you can not help yourself. This is the part that makes no sense and I do not think we will ever have an answer, I really don't.Rosanne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cindi Posted January 23, 2008 Report Share Posted January 23, 2008 Dawn: I get it...I want to run down the freeway screaming out my pain. I lost my mom a little over four months ago. My daughter was here at the time but headed home at Thanksgiving. Was supposed to be here this week but it fell through and everyone thinks I'm crazy because I came unglued when I found out she wouldn't be here. I am so sad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drew Posted January 23, 2008 Report Share Posted January 23, 2008 Oh I know what you mean Cindi! My mom's best friend was supposed to take me to dinner the other night. But when I got out of class I had a message from her saying that she wasn't going to be able to make it, and I completely fell apart! I got home and curled up on the bathroom floor and just bawled for an hour. I felt like an idiot but I didn't care. I thought about when my mom was sick and I would walk her to the bathroom and sit and talk to her while she was on the toilet. She was so weak. Sometimes when her pain meds made her constipated, I would have to coach her through a bowel movement. I know that's gross but when its your mother, you do what you gotta do. For some reason, laying on the bathroom floor made me feel close to my mom. My dad and step mom probably think I'm nuts now, but I just couldn't handle it. I think that when my mom's friend cancelled dinner, it made me feel abandoned all over again. Eventually we will work through some of these things! Just be patient with yourself!Drew Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lea Posted January 23, 2008 Report Share Posted January 23, 2008 I know what all of you are saying. Besides the loss of my mom my daughter moved out of the country to go to school for her masters degree. I am so very proud of her yet I can't help feeling lost. I feel as though I lost my mom and my daughter. I miss them both so much. Sometimes, I just need to be alone to cry and grieve. I can talk to my daughter and for that I am so thankful I just miss my mom so very very much. I too took care of her those last months and I even miss them. At least she was here and we could talk. I don't miss her suffering just miss being able to hold her and talk. She was such a good woman and always full of wisdom and advice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shell Posted January 24, 2008 Report Share Posted January 24, 2008 Cindi and Drew,I've been through the same thing. People not coming through for me and falling apart over it. I know my feelings are more raw, and that most of the time I'm over-reacting, but it just hurts when you can't count on someone or something. Drew, you hit it right on the head about feeling abandoned again. Fortunately, or unfortunately...I'm not sure...I have now gotten to the point where I don't count on anyone or anything but myself. Maybe that's good, I don't know! Hugs,Shell Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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