Whiteswan Posted December 20, 2007 Report Share Posted December 20, 2007 Hi everyone. It's been a long time since I have been on here, have been busy selling the family home, finding a smaller suitable home for my son, animals and I, all the business of moving , etc, etc. My beloved Mom passed on into non-physical life April 2, 2006 and I got through that Christmas mostly by putting my focus on making the best Christmas possible for my son who was also very close to my Mom (we lived with her). That was my goal and focus last year , besides distracting myself with buying myself a lot of new clothes. Now we are in a new home (which I do like) but I really feel lost without my Mom, especially as Christmas draws nearer. Last yr I was the pillar of strength for my son as we faced the first Christmas without her (he had a very hard time Christmas Eve last yr crying for hours nearly to the point of vomiting and again on Christmas morning as we opened our gifts without her.) This yr I just feel so lost , like the reality of her not being here physically is really starting to sink in . Don't get me wrong, I have grieved , done all the sobbing , all the physical manifestations of grief, etc over the past 20 months since her death, but it's also like somewhere inside of me I guess I just kept thinking that someday I'll wake up from this horrible nightmare and she'll still be here physically! Denial? Anyone else still in the throes of this incredible grief after this long? Any insights would help. I also have been going through a spiritual/religious crises since her death -ie- I used to go to a open-minded more liberal Christian church yrs ago then about a yr and a half before her death I switched to a very conservative evangical type church and have been debating within myself since she died and I've had some very profound experiences (and my son has too) whether the liberal one is right or the evangical one is right. I decided the other day that I want to go to the Christmas service at the liberal one this yr (haven't been there in a long time) and at times I feel like I am trying to put a circle in a square box so to speak by trying to continue to go to the conservative evangical one. Know what I mean? Does the death of a loved one commonly do this to those left behind? Thanks to all..with love, Whiteswan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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