DoubleJo Posted January 8, 2008 Report Share Posted January 8, 2008 Well, here we go again. This January 13th I will be marrying Curt. Then on the 12th of February, exactly one month later Curt will be dead on the floor in my arms. It was strange to realize he was here with me for almost 4 years, but it has been just as hard to accept that he is also now dead. The days pass, life goes on. His birds sing and I play with the dog that is now mine. I removed part of his medical equipment last night from beside the bed. My house doesn't want empty holes in places. It lets me know when something no longer belongs. Like my first husband I like to see his shoes under the chair and his wallet and watch on the little table next to them. It is very comforting and special to know that yes, they were really here and mine. Because I had a hard, scary life growing up I am glad I have these new memories I can feel sad/wispy over. That tears over the past have been replaced with tears for wonderful things. It's one of those times to sigh and shed tears that are also filled with joy and thankfulness that I had each of them, that they left me so much inside and out. There- Its' been said. DoubleJo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lyn Posted January 8, 2008 Report Share Posted January 8, 2008 DoubleJo, I will be with you in thoughts and prayers as you approach the coming days. You are not alone. And when you shed tears, try to remember what you told me once that they are a reminder of how much we have loved, and how they give us strength to face tomorrows. Please hang in there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rosanne Posted January 8, 2008 Report Share Posted January 8, 2008 DoubleJoThinking of you- one day at a time that is all we have, I have to take things a lot slower as I am sure you know what I mean when I say that. I pray you will find happiness again.Rosanne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WendyJ Posted January 8, 2008 Report Share Posted January 8, 2008 Well, here we go again. This January 13th I will be marrying Curt. Then on the 12th of February, exactly one month later Curt will be dead on the floor in my arms. It was strange to realize he was here with me for almost 4 years, but it has been just as hard to accept that he is also now dead.I am sorry I just don't understand this. You are marrying Curt this January 13th and you know a month from now he will be gone? I am sorry but I don't know if I am reading this wrong or not.Wendy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karenb Posted January 8, 2008 Report Share Posted January 8, 2008 You said all those things beautifully. I have those bittersweet moments, too. My first husband was not a good person at all, but my Jack showed me that there are wonderfully good men in this world who know how to love and treat their wives with such good care. I know how grateful you are because I am very much that same way. Have a good day.Your friend, Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corinne Posted January 8, 2008 Report Share Posted January 8, 2008 Wendy,I believe what DoubleJo is saying is that on January 13th it is her wedding anniversary and on February 12th it is the anniversary of Curt's death.DoubleJo,Please know that you will be in my thoughts and prayers during this hard time for you.Hugs and prayers, Corinne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WendyJ Posted January 8, 2008 Report Share Posted January 8, 2008 Thanks Corinne, Doublejo my thoughts and prayers are with you.Love,Wendy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KathyG Posted January 8, 2008 Report Share Posted January 8, 2008 DoubleJo, I wish you peace during this difficult time of the year for you. Cry as much as you need to for your loss, whether you shed tears of joy and gratitude for what you had or cry to feel some relief from the deep well of sorrow you're in. God bless and keep you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
suzanne Posted January 9, 2008 Report Share Posted January 9, 2008 DoubleJoThinking of you during these painful dates. May you be able to find some peaceful moments. Your pain is a symbol of your wonderful love you and Curt had for each other.Suzanne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted January 9, 2008 Report Share Posted January 9, 2008 Doublejo,You have been through more than any one person should have to bear. This is an anniversary of remembering...remembering January, remembering February, and what those memories evoke. I, too, have "reminders" lying around and something within me never wants to fully remove them, they are remembrances of our life together, that yes, they really were here, and yes, they really did love us. I understand and am with you...Love,KayC Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DoubleJo Posted January 10, 2008 Author Report Share Posted January 10, 2008 That all of you have made sure that I am not alone has helped me to release some of the pain that resides deeper than I want to acknowledge. You give me the steps to climb up and out with. You all share the knowledge about this very special, very burdensome and sometimes very heavy pain. We do carry a load. Thank you for helping me to carry mine, which is just a little heavier right now. As we walk the road the weight will lessen as bits and parts fall away or evaporate over time, but the mark it leaves will remain, embedded too deeply. I guess to truly live one has to bear the marks of life, wear them proudly, and remember how they came there. Peoples' lives are not cancelled because they died. They did exist, they were here. DoubleJo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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