New Here

[Neicey]

I'm new here, I lost my father in 1995 and just lost my mother in september. Me and my mom were very very close. Not only was she my mother she was my best friend. I called her every morning to say good morning and every night to say good night. She died a sudden death, we were told she threw a blood clot. She had open heart surgery in 1995 and everything has been great from there. I called her a 3pm, she told me she was tired and was gonna lay down for a nap. I told her I would call her back in a couple of hours, I never got that chance. Mom never made it to the bed she died beside her bed. I got the phone call at 6 pm my baby sister found her. I'm still calling her house day and night praying she would pick up. I never got the chance to say goodbye. My heart feels empty, all I do is cry. My husband and children do not know what to say to me. I dont go out anymore, my mom knew everyone, we live in a small town. Some people did not know mama passed and would come up to me and ask how mama was.I get angry when people come up to me and say I know how you are feeling, when they still have their parents. I want to scream and say no you don't. I not only lost both my parents by I feel I also lost my sister. My oldest sister snapped when mama passed away, we had to commit her, the doctors say they dont know if she will ever snap back. She doesnt know who we are, not even her children or grand children. Me and her daughter went to visit her sunday, the doctor told her I was her sister and my neice was her daughter, she just looked at us. I ask if I could hug her, when I held her in my arms she said if your my sister please take me home. It broke my heart into. The doctors wont let her come home with us. I feel like I am dying inside. I don't know what to do except sit and cry.I don't understand, and keep asking God why. Thanks for listening I need to get it out. Neicey

[lorikelly]

I am so sorry for your loss and what is going on with your sister. i lost my mom july 3 2006 and i still feel lost. i always feel like i am searching for something but not sure what. i don't know if it ever goes away but the pain does seem to soften. it is so hard to explain i didn't believe others when they tried to explain it to me. i will be praying for you and your family. lori

Correction my mom died july 3 2006. lori

Edited January 30, 2008 by lorikelly

[AnnieO]

I am so sorry about your mom. My mom died Dec.7 2006. I too, still feel lost. I still think of calling her 100 times a day. I am glad you found this site. It has been a huge support to me. I am so sad about your sister. You and your family will be in my thoughts and I hope that your sister finds her way back to you soon.

[Neicey]

Thank you all, I am very glad I found this site. This is the first time I have been able to express myself without getting told I need to get over it.

[shell]

Neicy,

My deepest sympathies for the loss of your mom and what happened with your sister. My dad died in 2005 and my mom sort of snapped too. She seemed to get dementia overnight! Sounds similar to your sister, although my mom knew me most of the time and I cared for her until the day she died. Like you, I was very close to my mom and she was my best friend too. I feel that there is a huge empty spot inside me that is my parents and I know it will never be filled again. I'm so glad you found this site because it helps you to heal to be able to express all your feelings. Keep coming here and getting your feelings out. Weloome to the board.

A big hug,

Shell

[sandralb]

Neicey.

You know, you can still talk to your mom. She'll hear you and she will be so glad that you are caring for your sister. I know it's hard. Don't worry, God won't give you more than you can handle. Listen to the following prayer:

Your Cross

(St. Francis de Sales)

The everlasting God has in His wisdom forseen from eternity the cross that He now presents to you as a gift from His inmost Heart. This cross He now sends you He has considered with His all-knowing eyes, understood with His Divine mind, tested with His wise justice, warmed with loving arms and weighed with His own hands to see that it be not one inch too large and not one ounce too heavy for you. He has blessed it with His holy Name, annointed it with His grace, perfumed it with His consolation, taken one last glance at you and your courage, and then sent it to you from heaven, a special greeting from God to you, and alms of the all-merciful love of God.

Be strong for your family and know that your mother is proud of you.

Sandra

[Cindi]

Dearest Neicey:

I, too, lost my mom in September and didn't get a chance to say goodbye. She had a seizure that was so severe it caused a great deal of brain damage, and although she was still alive, she was unresponsive. They kept telling us she could hear so we talked to her often, laid with her, kissed her. We got to do that for a week and then she was gone.

I'm glad you found us. This is the one place where I feel I can let it all out. Please stay with us and no matter what you are feeling, share it...its okay, you are very much entitled to the pain in your life right now.

Love,

Cindi

[rosanne]

Neicey,

I too lost my precious mother- my sister, my best friend-

all rolled into one- the night she took her last breath,

part of me died with her, and I am forever changed- I think

of all of the things she and I did together -now, I do alone.

I feel your pain... You have come to a safe place to fall.

There are some great people on here, we are where you are.

Life just does not seem fair... there is no reasoning.

Just know that you do have people that care about you and want

to help.

Love,

Rosanne