Where To Begin?

[mduwyenie]

I'm new here also. I don't know where to begin. I've been reading others' experiences in this forum, and didn't know where to start. Just reading about others' grieving makes me think of my mom that passed from ovarian cancer and very sad. I know that I am missing something that will help me get through this grief period, so that is why I joined this online help. I wish I could be at the group sessions in person that are offered, but I live four hours north of Phoenix and not able to attend.

[AnnieO]

Hello

I am so sorry about your mom. I am glad you joined the site. You will find so many wonderful and caring people here. My mom died Dec.7 2006 and my dad died Oct.2 2007. This site has been a huge support for me. Keep coming back. You will be in my thoughts.

[MartyT]

Dear One,

Welcome to our family. As I'm sure you've discovered by reading others' posts, this is a place of safety and comfort where you can give words to your grief by sharing your story of loss ~ a place where you will find emotional support and inspiration from others, as well as information about what is normal in grief and mourning. You might "begin" simply by telling us more about your mother.

[mduwyenie]

About my mom. My mom went for regular checkups, and nothing out of the ordinary was detected. Until December 06 she had been feeling some pain in her back. She went to the doctor's office to see what the problem might be. The doctor's opinion was that she had a urinary tract or bladder infection. She kept trying the medication that the doctor prescribed, but the problem still persisted. After about a month and half of getting treated for the urinary tract infection, then for a yeast infection, things weren't getting better. My mom got referred to a OBGYN for more tests. She had an ultrasound of her pelvis, where a growth could be seen. At this point the OBGYN sent her to the hospital to an OBGYN Oncologist. It was determined that the growth was about the size of an egg, and the growth would have to be removed, because it was causing her too much pain. My mom's initial surgery was to be March 19, 2007, but there was an opening on March 8th. She had the surgery on the 8th. The same day of her surgery she had a colonoscopy done to determine if the growth was affecting that area. There was some blockage. Her surgery would remove her uterus, and she would have to have a bowel resection. During the operation it was discovered that the growth had gotten larger since the ultrasound, and that they could see that the growth had spread to her liver. There was nothing that they could do about the growth on her liver, but remove as much of the growth as possible from the other area. It was determined that after she healed from the surgery that she would start chemotherapy to prolong her life. She spent a week in the hospital and was sent home to recuperate. Things were going well for two weeks after coming home. Her nurse's visits went well for those two weeks. She did what she was told to do, by walking, keeping the wound clean, and making sure she ate. One set back was that her incision was not healing as fast as we hoped, which would prolong the wait to start chemo. About the third week she started to decline. She had lost her apatite, lost weight, and wanted to sleep all the time. My mom had an upcoming doctor's appointment for a checkup on her incision, and they wanted to start chemo on her. The doctor decided to keep her in the hospital due to the weight loss, but also her demeanor wasn't the same. After a couple of days in the hospital, it was determined that she was not going to recover. It was then that a woman came to talk to my sister and I about looking for a hospice for my mother. Everything just happened so fast that she was gone in a month's time. She passed away on April 7, 2007.

[shell]

mduwyenie,

I'm so sorry about your mom. My dad went very quickly too and it is an added shock. Any death leaves you numb and not quite believing it happened, but when they go quickly, without any warning of anything wrong, it adds another layer to the grief. I'm glad that you found this site. I couldn't find any local support groups either and I found that this site was, for me, just as good as a "live" support group. Everyone has helped so much. Just being able to talk about your symptoms or problems or just anything you're worried or wondering about, and getting feedback is so supportive. Welcome to the board.

Hugs,

Shell

[mduwyenie]

Thanks everybody that has responded. It is helpful just to get some of these emotions out there. I've been having these all built up inside of me, the only one I ever talk with is my one and only sister, and some of my close friends, but there help is limited. I just know that this site will help me, because there are others out there that feel the same way I do. I need to get my sister involved also in this forum. She is fifteen years younger than me, and lives in town where there are services offered for grief, but she lacks the ability to get there due to a vision impairment. I hope this will help her as well.

[shell]

Sites like this are so wonderful, especially for people who can't find local groups or, like your sister, have difficulties getting out. That's so compassionate of you to think of your sister and helping her. She's lucky to have such a caring sibling!

Hugs,

Shell

[Cindi]

Dear mduwyenie

I am so, so sorry for your loss. I lost my mom almost five months ago from medical negiligence. No surgery, no nothing. She went to the hospital for low blood sugar and should have been released within an hour. They kept her because she had a heart arrythmia. All of sudden she begans having seizures which the doctors won't acknowledge because they didn't show up on the many EEGs she had. Note: unless you have a seizure during the EEG, it won't show up on the test. They also said that instead of seizures she was afraid. My mom for almost 50 years who had lived with me for the last 12...they know better than I do what's happening? They don't and ultimately, the seizures kill her. All of this in about 2 1/2 months.

Please know how much I feel your pain. Stay with us here...it does help!

[mduwyenie]

I'm back. I usually don't have access to a computer until the week begins. I am a teacher and don't have internet at home. So, just to let you know that sometimes it may be a slight delay when reading messages that are posted, but I am grateful to you that have responded. I should start by also letting you know that I too am facing some health issues. Just yesterday, I had a doctor's appt. and they advised me that I will be requiring some surgery to take out a mass in my pelvic region. I guess it must be large, because they want to do the surgery sometime soon. Did a blood test to determine if I may have cancer. So, in two weeks I should know the results. It just brought back much of the visions and memories my mother went through. Doctor also said that more than likely they will have to do a mid line incision, which I am so fearful of, I broke down crying and upset. I just don't want to go through what my mother went through. Although my mom was very brave to undergo such pain for her girls(my sister and I), and try to beat the cancer, the end result was us girls trying to stay strong for each other. When I told my sister the news I received yesterday, I know it tear her heart apart. One can only imagine what she must be thinking. As with any kind of surgery there are risks, and I don't want to leave my sister all alone. So, I too will be the brave one and undergo what is needed to keep my life going.

[Kathy]

Hi, my name is Kathy, and I understand the sorrow of losing your Mother so unexpected, My Mother inlaw died like this from an auto accident..it is shocking and painful. she was coming to see me when she was in the accident, which added to my guilt.. alwys thinking what if... she hadn't of been coming to my home , would this have happened?.. we go though so much in our thoughts and minds. last week we made a decison not to put our Mom though more suffering and it was shocking to know nothing else could be done, She died and I was watching this with my family on January 29 2008 ..I am in raw pain and grief right now and new here.. I sure hope all turns out well for you .. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Don't give up.. I got to where I take one day at a time, and just pray and pray! I am glad I found this site also, hope to here from you when you are able to get on computer!!

[MartyT]

Dear Mduwyenie,

We haven't heard from you since you shared the news of your pending surgery, and I can't imagine how frightening this must be for you and your family. Please keep us updated as you are able to do so, and know that, whatever you must face in the weeks and months ahead, you are being held by all of us in gentle thought and prayer.

[rosanne]

Dear Mduwyenie,

I am so sorry about your mom and also very concerned about your situation, please keep posting and let us hear from you. I lost my mother to cancer in June 2007- is was 8 months yesterday- it is one of the hardest things I have ever ever ever had to go through.. she was my best friend in the world!

I am so glad that I have found this safe place to fall, and the wonderful people here that help me get back on my feet.

Rosanne

[mduwyenie]

Hi everyone, well looks as though I'm headed for a haul. Doctor says I will be facing surgery in the next couple months. I have endometriosis. I have a large scar tissue mass that must be removed. The doctor I am currently seeing

informed me that it would be best to have my surgery down in Tucson, where they are better equipped, so she says. I think that is best, but who will be able to come down there from my family? It is quite a distance away. I guess I shouldn't be worrying about that, and just focus on what needs to be done. So, I just told my supervisor here at my work today about my situation. Uncertain about what will happen with me and the surgery. Also what will happen with my job situation, and facing such an extended amount of time off from work, will I still have a job? I just need to think of it as a mini vacation, with no monetary compensation. Trying to think positive for me and my situation. Hope all works out.

[AnnieO]

Just wanted to tell you, I have 2 friends who have had surgery for the same reason. They both say it was the best thing they ever did. They feel so much better now. They both took if easy for a week to two weeks after surgery but bounced back quickly after that. I hope your surgery goes well and you will be feeling better soon.

[mduwyenie]

Thanks AnnieO,

For the words of encouragement! As it seems my surgery doesn't sound so simple. The doctor that is referring me to Tucson, said the recovering would take up to six weeks. Actually, I'm getting scared by the minute. Although my surgery has not been scheduled yet, I know it will be right around the corner. I don't know what to think, some are telling me it's the best thing that happened to somebody they know. One person said her mom was in much pain. I feel discomfort but not to that extreme, I am lucky I don't have that intense pain. I know it's best to get it done right away, but I just keep worry about all the other stuff.

[MartyT]

Dear One,

My beloved father (who was a surgeon) always used to say, "There is no such thing as minor surgery ~ it's all major ~ and most especially when the surgery is being done on you".

As one who's endured many surgeries over the years, I completely understand your concern ~ it's only natural to be worried when you're facing something like this. Have you ever considered using guided imagery in preparation for your operation? Studies show (and experience has taught me) that relaxation and guided imagery can have a very positive effect, both in preparation for surgery and afterward (in managing pain and in promoting healing).

Here are two such resources from Health Journeys that you may find quite helpful; these links will take you to descriptions, audio samples, and customer reviews of each:

Successful Surgery

Ease Pain

[mduwyenie]

MartyT

I totally agree with what you should have minor surgery nothing ever is minor. Even just a couple of weeks when I had to get a tooth pulled due to infection, that by no means was minor, when the dentist is tugging and pulling with all her might to get my tooth out. Man, my jaw was sure sore the next ten days. I'm just now able to open my mouth fully without having to smash my food down to in order to eat. I start my search with the information you provided, thanks. I know it's going to be hard though, just brings back to many emotions with my mom's surgery.

[mduwyenie]

MartyT

Hope you can understand my reply. I must have been out of it yesterday. It makes sense to me, but don't know if it does to you? All, I was trying to say

was that I agreed with you, when you said that minor surgery is never minor.

That's how I feel when people from work are saying that it nothing to worry about, everything is going to be fine. Well gotta get going home for the day.

Hope you had a good one, and thanks for the information I will do some research.

[mduwyenie]

As with many of you I'm sure, we had a difficult time getting through Valentine's Day. It's hard when you know that something is missing in your life, I guess to say that which makes us complete. The emptiness of not having your loved ones around in physical form is a true loss. I try my best to get what needs to be done, but when it comes down to it. I really haven't accomplished anything. For each of us we take a grieving road unique to only to ourselves, and yet we are lost as to where to find help. I do find solace in knowing that people care about each other, and try to offer their help to get through the pain. I hope that I too offer some little help to others. We have each other and now have a place to seek help when needed. Thanks for listening and thanks to the individuals who have offered this forum to help heal our pain.

[mduwyenie]

Another day, another day missing my mom. It is truly hard for those of us left here on earth. How I long for a day where I could just have one chance to talk to my mom again(in person). Let her know that I'm doing alright, and let her know not to worry about us(my sister and I). Yes, are hearts ache every day without her, but I wouldn't want her to suffer one more day with having cancer. How that must have hurt her so much. All the pain, and the restless nights. She is in a much better place now, the physical gift of love in the real world is gone, but the memories will live on. I don't know what I'm trying to say but try to let my feelings out. I seen beautiful blue birds yesterday, and it's a sign of better days ahead. Life continues on with or without us, if we're ready or not, so I try to make the best of what I have. In a way as people say "live life to the fullest", because we are only here once, then we must move on to the next world. Where will our next journey be? That is yet to be determined not by us but our higher being.

[mduwyenie]

Dear Mduwyenie,

We haven't heard from you since you shared the news of your pending surgery, and I can't imagine how frightening this must be for you and your family. Please keep us updated as you are able to do so, and know that, whatever you must face in the weeks and months ahead, you are being held by all of us in gentle thought and prayer.

Dear MartyT,

Just returned back to the forum, after my surgery. Thanks for all your words of encouragement. Had my surgery on May 19th, everything went well. I was so scared when I had to travel to Tucson for the surgery. Found out that I had one of the best doctors I could ever have on my side. Very relieved that the surgery went so well. I still have pain now and then, but I'm sure I still need to heal. It's been just about 6 months since the surgery. I hope all continues well in my health now. Just don't know nowadays with all the cancer people are contracting and dying from, knock on wood for all of us.

[MartyT]

Oh my dear one, what wonderful news! I'm so glad to know that this surgery is behind you and that you are on the mend ~ Welcome back ~ We're so happy to "see" you here again

[mduwyenie]

Dear MartyT,

I do appreciate your compassion and guidance. We might not always give thanks to others when they give us helpful advice, but know that I do and will always appreciate your words of wisdom!