Pity Party

[suzanne]

Well my friends I am hosting a pity party tonight if anyone would like to join me. Just cleaned out another closet. Thirteen months, eleven days but what is the use of counting anymore. HE'S NOT COMING BACK TO WEAR THEM AND IT IS SINKING IN! For some reason after yet another sleepless night I decided to get the photos out in the wee hours and take a walk down memory lane. Seemed like a good idea at the time but the aftershock is brutal. Just needed to vent some. I'll furnish the whine and cheese. Can I scream now? My love, my life is gone forever from my sight. Although my heart knows he is with me it hurts so bad.

Suzanne

[karenb]

Hey Suzanne,

As I am now, I can't join you but I understand and feel for you. Your doing these things reminds me of where I used to be. In church today there's a lady that joins me, very nice person, and it came up that she was going on her 5th year without her husband and mine will be 3 years the very end of July. She wanted to start a "happy" group of widows who would find something to just laugh about. She's very sweet - just looked at me, shook her head, and said, "You're probably not far enough along for that." I'm sure she knows. So, you see, I'm a little further along than you and you can see it gets better. I'm still so sad and when things happen I just wish I had his shoulder to lean on and that wonderful hug. We're all doing all we can so, again, it's the same old thing "hang on."

Your friend, Karen

[suzanne]

Thanks Karen

I am hanging on by my fingertips but tomorrow is another day. And I will climb out of this pit some day. Just a slow process.

Suzanne

[karenb]

It sure is a long process towards getting where we're feeling more comfortable. Try and keep busy, some things maybe put on the back burner for later and just do the best you can. We'll all be fine. Bless your heart.

Your friend, Karen

[Art]

Hi Suzanne,

It has now been just over thirteen months for me and every item of my wife's belongings is still just where she left it. I know I someday have to deal with it and I wish I could, but right now I can hardly deal with living without her. Every where I look there is something to remind me of her and I wonder if it would be better in the long run to just go ahead and do something with her things. It is really hard to think of throwing away her clothes and I keep telling myself I'll deal with it when I feel better with it. I just don't know if I'm ever going to feel up to it. I admire your strength for I know it is not easy. I cry just looking at my wifes belongings. All the things that were special to her are now precious to me.

[WendyJ]

Art you know every time you post I could swear your posts could have been written by me ! I too am at 13 months and nothing has gone anywhere except I do have to say a month or so ago I did finally clean out his clothes hamper...oh dear me that stuff could have walked away ! His clothes are still in his drawers and in his closet and in the livingroom closet are his coats. Suzanne my dear dear friend I have to give you alot of credit for giving it a try but I think you sadly found out you also are not ready. I am not as worried about that as I am about a barn and a shed filled with all kinds of tools and equipment and guns etc. I do have to tell everyone though my boss sold his motorcycle the other day, the one I bought him that he loved? When he first told me I was glad it was finally sold and then 2 seconds later I was hysterical crying ! Hang in there Suzanne, someday we will feel alittle better, just not right now.

[DoubleJo]

Unfortunatly this is the only way to do it. You walk into the pain, take care of business, take as much as you can and run out like a too hot shower.

Its' tough. The longer you stay away and fight reality the longer the pain stays. I still keep my husbands wallets out on the night table where they last left them. It makes me feel good knowing they were really here. After all, they may not be coming back but they certainly were here. I don't feel I have the right to just erase them. But each time you enter that dark room, accomplish something and come out surviving it, you get stronger and life gets more in focus. It doesn't stop the crying, but eventually it does stop the grief.

Hang in there- DoubeJo

[suzanne]

Thank you for your reply. Yes you are right DoubleJo take as much as you can at one time. This is my second round of gathering clothing and the second time wasn't as painful as the first. I'm trying to get it down to where those things I wish to keep will go into one closet instead of four. It was becoming too much with every closet I opened that overwhelming in your face kind of pain. At least this way I can deal with smaller doses at a time. When I feel ready to go there.

Wendy - I know the meaining behind Steve's motorcycle to you and it must have been so hard. Tools in the storage building I have not touched, guns etc. That's a place I don't have to frequent since I don't know how to use them anyway. So that's a definite put off until I at least know what I've got. I am so thankful for each of you here. I really don't think I could have made it without your support.

Suzanne

[WendyJ]

Suzanne I haven't done it yet and was actually going to do it at Christmas time for myself and my 2 daughters but Marty has a link to a woman who makes teddy bears out of clothing from a loved one. Did you ever think of doing that with one or two of his favorite shirts?

[LarrysGirl]

At a little over two years I have not moved Larry's clothes, shaving cream still in the medicine cabinet, glasses on the table, etc. I feel comfort seeing his things. I love remembering what we were doing when he wore certain things or what his favorite shirts were. Maybe this isn't healthy grief but its the way I'm doing it. I don't want to erase everything that reminds me of him. I'm not critizing anyone here who's handled this differently at all, I wanted to just offer another way of dealing with it. For me its okay for now. Deborah

[kayc]

You know how everyone has that place where they drop their change, and maybe throw a nut or bolt they plan on keeping or using for something, maybe a pair of nail clippers or a matchbook? Well George had such a place, and it is still sitting there in the bedroom, and I haven't cleaned it out or moved anything, you might find one of his post it notes there, ear plugs, you know. I've remarried and bless his heart, John hasn't mentioned a thing. Sometimes it's just hard to deal with everything. And really, what does it hurt if some things are still sitting here where they left them, as if they'll return any minute to use them? As long as no one is bothered by them, what does it matter? There is still the ape I gave him for Valentine's Day, the clock his friend gave him, even though it long since quit working, the knife another friend gave him... I know he's gone, but it's still so hard to take care of those last remnants...and who says we have to?