Glimpse Of A New Life?

[JoeA]

But only a glimpse. I took a big chance yesterday and spent the day in DC as a volunteer for the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer. It’s a huge event, and because I lost my wife to that disease just 6 weeks ago, it could have been too much. I actually almost bailed but forced myself to go (about 90 minute drive). The day was crazy busy, surrounded by very high-energy people. I made it through, even had moments when I forgot myself and my grief. But then, when the day was done, I suddenly dreaded returning to my big empty house. But, I was OK, slept well, and when I woke this morning, I actually felt good, really good for the first time in a long time. And I didn’t even feel guilty! But before I got through my coffee and morning paper, I dropped through a hidden trap door and BAM – I was once again in pain, big meltdown. I can’t think what precipitated it, but it hit like a hammer. When I woke feeling so good, I thought I would accomplish a lot today, but now it's back to that now-familiar inertia. Can't seem to get organized or motivated. I don’t know, it’s all still a mystery to me. Thanks for listening.

- Joe

[LarrysGirl]

Joe, Wow what an accomplishment to attend that wonderful event. Give yourself credit for managing to do that. Its funny, the grief, how you do get a glimpse of some relief and then the ride goes back down again. There is no way to plan your path, no time frame and I know we all keep looking for the light at the end of the tunnel. I think when you love someone so much and its such a huge loss, really time isn't even the answer. Yes it gets alittle less severe but the grieving goes on. I live in Virginia so heres hoping another East Coast member is part of the great family. Take your time and take care of yourself. Deborah

[dpodesta]

Joe,

It can be difficult at times to not feel guilty when you are feeling good. You are so new in this and you are doing very well to have been able to attend that event. At the very begining I did the opposite, I spent my time doing repairs to the house to keep busy and forget my pain. It has been 2 years for me now and the last six months have been very difficult to get things done. It has been just now that I have started to get to the point of getting stuff done on the weekends. I have a lot more days now that I do feel good without feeling guilty about it. I have learned to be okay with being single and raising my son by myself. Hang in there it wil get better as time goes on.

Derek

[MartyT]

[Derek, dear heart ~ I don't want to interrupt this thread ~ I just want to say hello and tell you how lovely it is to "see" you here again ]

[jackietnd1]

Hi Joe, and Everyone

Wow I am so proud of you for doing the walk.

I also loss Lawrence 6 weeks ago and I feel you on

those moment when it just comes, I just go ahead and

feel, he meant so much to me aa I know your wife has.

Today I woke up feeling good going on with things then

I heard a song and lost it, just seat there and screamed and

talked to Lawrence cried and all. Then I got up and kept mooving

this is the hardest thing I have ever EVER been through however

I am going through. As you are Keep the Faith my friend.

Jackie

[JoeA]

Thanks you all once again for the ecouragement. As I said before, I've found a good place here. However, I think I need to clarify one thing. I did not do the Avon Walk, which takes place today (Saturday) and tomorrow. I couldn't be that together so quickly! I just did one day of setup and sign-in work as a volunteer. That was hard enough! I do plan to walk, with my daughter, in the Avon Walk in Charlotte in late October. So, that's my goal, get my act together enough to do that walk in October. Pray for me!

- Joe

[Dusky]

JoeA,

What a wonderful thing you did to attend the Avon Cancer Walk. It's not easy to do these type of things in the early months of grief. Things like this provide us with a positive view of life - I'm glad you did it. The hills and valleys of grief remain, however activities such as this help us re-connect with others who have also lost a loved one.

Peace,

John - Dusky is my handle on here

Love you Jack

[dpodesta]

Thanks Marty, it has been awhile, just been sitting back and taking it easy for awhile, I have been watching the new threads as they come in to keep it touch with what is going on.

Love always

Derek

[kayc]

Joe,

Applaud yourself for having made it through that day, you did well to do so. The ups and downs of this journey are something we come to accept and even expect. It is a very up and down journey, and yet when we look back we can see the overall progression is onward, it's just while we're in the thick of it we can't see it that way. At first, most of us feel guilty for smiling or for momentarily forgetting, but what we need to remember to tell ourselves is that it is not only desired but necessary that we learn to have good moments and that it is in no way reflective of our deep love for the one we miss...they are always with us in our hearts.

[Steven]

Hi Joe,

Only you will be able to tell what you are capable of, and when you can begin, but I encourage you to continue volunteering to fight the disease that took your wife (breast cancer took my wife too, and about 40,000 other wives, sisters, life-partners, and mothers a year). To be honest, I still find little satisfaction on many days well over two years after the death of my wife from breast cancer, but one thing I do that does bring satisfaction, is volunteer for the American Cancer Society.

I hope in addition to helping with the Avon Walk, and their Crusade Against Breast Cancer you will check out a local ACS Relay For Life, or a Making Strides Against Breast Cancer event. There you will meet people who have gone through what you are going through, are enduring the same sort of treatments that our wives did, or are there walking and volunteering out of goodness. Trust me, being around the kind of people who support these kinds of events will do you good. When and if you are ready, you can be a part of the fight to end to suffering and death caused by cancer--with people who understand on a level that others simply cannot.

That may seem like a commercial, but doing something to confront my wife's killer...or to at least address the seemingly endless grief in a way that will ultimately save other's from the difficult ends our loved ones had, feels as if I have something of a purpose, and it may help you on your journey as well. I do hope so. - Steve

Please Help Fight Cancer

http://main.acsevents.org/goto/Tanya.Sharp