KathyG Posted May 29, 2008 Report Share Posted May 29, 2008 This last week, I've been disappointed and depressed, but also cheered, by friends' and family members' responses to two significant milestones - the six-month anniversary of my husband's death (May 21st) and the first observance of his birthday (May 27th) without him.I went from Phoenix back to my hometown, Pittsburgh, to visit my sister and attend a 60th wedding anniversary party for my uncle and aunt. It was hard for me to go; I couldn't help feeling some resentment that they've had 60 years together while Bill and I were given only 11 years to share our lives. But I went because I was genuinely happy for them, I love them dearly and my aunt has always been a second mother to me. I handled my self OK, didn't cry and even managed to get up and dance a little.Except for my sister, I hadn't seen any of the relatives who came to the party for at least three years or more. They hadn't attended Bill's memorial service because Arizona and Pennsylvania are so distant from each other. So I was expecting them to at least offer their sympathies when we met again after so long. But only my aunt was willing to talk about Bill. No one else noted the six-month milestone or said, "I'm sorry," or "This must be a rough time for you." Everyone else who had known Bill acted like he never existed, and when I mentioned his name they couldn't wait to change the subject. I was hurt and disappointed; I expected so much more from my family - though maybe that was naive of me.I wasn't very strong on Memorial Day when my sister and I took flowers to my parents' gravesite. It was the first time since my mother died in 2005 that I had visited the site, so even though I knew her name was inscribed on that bronze plaque, I wasn't prepared for the effect it had. I sobbbed for hours, as much as (or more) for Bill as for the losses of my mother and dad. But I was proud that I met the challenge of Bill's birthday without a meltdown. The 27th was the date when I flew home, and that helped.Shortly after I arrived back home, my niece and a good friend of mine both called to welcome me back and ask how my trip went and how well I was holding up. It made me feel so good to know that someone else cared.Why do so many of the people whom you'd expect to be the most sympathetic, often provide the least amount of support? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!Register a new account
Already have an account? Sign in here.Sign In Now