Maylissa Posted June 30, 2008 Report Share Posted June 30, 2008 (edited) I'm in absolute shock and sick at heart about this, and need to know if ANYONE else has ever had this happen to them. I haven't even been able to write about it until now, it's been so awful to try and get a grip on.I'd gone home for a visit, and went to the care home to see my (dying, with severe dementia) father. I was planning on seeing if there even was a chance at any "closure" possible between him and I before he died......and got told (and very coldly) by someone at reception that he'd passed on "some time ago"!!!! They had to do some scrambling to even find his name in their files, it had been so long ago! Turned out it had been 9 MONTHS ago! And although I'd spoken to staff there (social worker, his RN, nurses, his doctor, the Unit Coordinator) as soon as he'd been placed (this place was even MY recommendation!) and several times in the first year, verified that my contact info. was on their list, AND received assurances from them that I'd be called if ANYTHING major changed with him, due to the family problems that were present that I'd made them aware of, and my brother's behavior alone should have easily verified to them.....still.........not one person even notified me. Not from the care home, not from the Public Trustee's Office, whom he ended up under after my remaining brother's POA for him was officially revoked by the P.T.'s office themselves, for total noncompliance AND lack of payments to the home, among other crimes....many aspects of which the PT blatantly refused to chase down, though they all involved our father's (and the 'continuance' of our Mother's) estate. I could write a BOOK, just about THEM and their bungling, over their handling of BOTH of my parents' affairs.But nope - no one called ME, the daughter who originally tried to work with both agencies. Instead, they called ONLY my brother, even being totally aware that he never spoke with me (was this vital item deliberately erased from their case notes & meetings???) and that he'd tried to do something illegal with our father and got caught at it, not to mention his lack of compliance in each and every facet of our father's care. To make matters even more bizarre and downright nasty, they wouldn't even tell me what my own father died of! It would now be up to ME to call them long distance to only POSSIBLY get that information! It seems my brother had given them, at some unstated point, "instructions", which I'm assuming must refer to me. But I'm astounded that they'd actually still have FOLLOWED any instructions from him at ALL, after all the trouble he caused everyone, and, more importantly, being the SOLE CAUSE AND REASON they had to apply to the PT's Office for our father's continuing care! My family request for an autopsy (which the PT could have okay'd as administrator to my father) was ignored. This request, although supposedly on file with the home to be passed onto the PT when applicable, was not even mentioned as far as I know. I've also lost all the means I'd previously been told to wait for (upon his death) where I could have begun actions to address what I believe to be a Will made under duress (and during my father's dementia), I've been treated as if I'M the criminal in the family and even more to the point, I've been 'handled' as if I wasn't even my parents' daughter, or a family member at all!! Not even ONE other relative has called me during this whole time period, either, and yes, I'm assuming at least ONE of them has knowledge of my father's death. There is also another aspect to my brother having 'stolen' an entire estate all for himself that I can't discuss here in public, but it's highly, highly and personally disturbing to me, which makes this all that much worse, as this 'theft' gives him easier means to do more wrong and adversely affect goodness knows how many other innocent lives. I'm absolutely stunned by the baseness of people, even virtual strangers, and their penchant to 'side' with evil over those who try to do better and avert even worse disaster in (and even outside of) a family. ARE THEY ALL TOTALLY NUTS???!!! I've NEVER heard of anyone else who's not been notified of a parent's death, nor refused even the most basic of information about same.Heading to a bunch of lawyers, I already realize, may not solve a thing, and will obviously cost me money I now didn't inherit in order to fight this....not to mention the emotional costs I've also been warned about. So, has anyone else ever had this happen to them, or to anyone else they know? And if so, what did you/they do about it and how did that work out for you/them??????I feel like the tiniest speck of a molecule that ever exis....oh, wait, it seems I DON'T even exist, really. That's what this world is telling me. Edited June 30, 2008 by Maylissa Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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