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18 Months Today


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Hi everyone it has been some time since I have posted here..come everyday and read all the posts just don't have much to say. Today is 18 months or year and a half since Bruce died i cann't believe that it is that long that he has been gone and then someday's it feels like a life time ago that he was here. As I sit here and type this I think of all the goodtimes we had as a couple and then as a family had our kids first one came just a little over a year after we were married and then number 2 came 2 years later and then the last one 3 years after that...Bruce and i had 30 wonderful years of marriage just not long enough. I thank god everyday that he brought Bruce into my life because it was the best life that any one could have had...now that I'm typing the tears are start to flow but thats ok because if i had not been Bruce's wife i would not have all these beautiful memories of the life that we shared.After Bruce died the kids printed a picture of Bruce and I that was taken about 6 months before his death it is the same one that is one this post and I have it on my night table and talk to him about how my day went and always kiss it goodnight and tell him that I love him and how much I miss and you know that not all nights do I cry... when I do this so i think that maybe I amgetting along not to bad...I still have my bad day but they are not all bad there are some good days also. I have to thank everyone who have help me through these long and very dark times..I have also made some very good friends here so thank you all for the support that you have given without your help and kind words I really don't know were I would be right now love each and everyone of you. think that I will go and take some flowers to Bruce's grave this afternoon and have myself a talk with him and a big cry. Love Gail :wub:

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Gail,

My first thought when I woke up this morning was that today was an anniversary for you and you know I will be there with you today when you visit Bruce and bring him flowers. Isn't it strange how it seems so long since we have seen our guys yet it almost seems like yesterday that we lost them ? I do the same thing every night with Steve's picture, some nights I just kiss his picture and can't say anything more than I Love You as I just don't have the strength to cry anymore or do not want to get up yet another day and go to work with puffy eyes. Usually the more I talk to him the more the tears flow. I know what you mean about some days are better than others but even on good days just one little thing can set us off. Do something for yourself today and know my thoughts are with you my dear friend and I will check up on you later.

I love you,

Wendy :wub:

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Thanks Wendy for your reply...you and I seem to be one the same wavelength. I think that is because we are the same age and our guy's were close to the same age. You are so right sometimes it feels like it was yesterday that we lost our beloved husbands and then other times it feels like it's been forever. Wendy i am so glad that I meet you...you will never know how much you have helped me. Love Gail :wub:

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Gail,

You have no idea how much also your friendship has meant to me, our hurts and feelings are so alike it is almost scarey. Anytime you have ever posted I have had to look to see if I posted it and forgotten. You and I have found a special friendship that will last a lifetime although we are many miles away, just knowing we can confide in eachother and share our inner most feelings is a blessing.

Love You,

Wendy :wub:

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Gail, I wanted to tell you I was thinking of you. I remember reaching 18 months, just so surreal. I know its tough and such a feeling of disbelief that time has passed. No matter how hard I try to stop it, time still steadily moves on. I wish you some peace and happy, loving memories to comfort you. Deborah

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Thanks Deborah..you right I would like to stop no what I would like to do is go back in time and stop this from happening at all but that can not be done so we learn to live with the way that things are. it is so hard to believe that it is 18 months since I last saw Bruce a live. Life is sure much different then I thought that it would be...like everyone here we all thought that we would grow old with our beloved our halves but it was not to be. Thanks again for your reply it help when someone who has been on this road longer then me and is still here to help with good advise and some conforting words. Gail :wub:

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Gail,

Today I was thinking of the song "Holes in the Floor of Heaven"...it makes me still feel connected somehow. 18 months...I know it seems hard to believe it's been that long, and yet at the same time it feels like a life time ago when he was here and your lives were happy and seemed normal. It is that way for all of us, whether a month, a year, or five. Keep hanging on to the thought that you'll be together again, that this is not the end, but merely a wisp of time in the scheme of things.

Love,

KayC

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Gail, it has only been 6 mos for me but it seems like a lifetime. I do have lots of happy memories but I wanted to make more. I miss all the simple things like him coming up behind me while I was at the sink and putting his arms around me or always teasing me about touching my feet because I can't stand anyone to touch them. I don't know if you have ever heard of Jamie O'Neal or not but she has a cd called Shiver and someone at our grief support brought it. The one song she played from it is called I'm still waiting and it is a tear jerker but pretty well says what most of us are thinking. I know you can get the words to songs on some of the websites. If you can't find it and want the words I'd be glad to get them and post it. I hope that I will be able to make it through the next year and be able to say I survived 18 mos just like you. There are days that I don't see how that could ever happen. I think if I didn't have these lonely nights it would be better.

Good luck in going forward.

Mary Linda.

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HI GAIL IM only 2 months ahead of you and know how you feel its like if we started together the road me did not want to travel.I think of you and wish that maybe some day I can meet soe of you my far away friends.TENY

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mary Linda..your right I have gotten through these 18 months but I will tell it has been the hardest thing that I have ever done in my life and if not for my kids I think that would have just curled up and died along with Bruce. like you I still miss the little things that he use to do like curling up and the couch and kissing like teenagers holding hands in the car when we went for drives or just hearing him breathing in bed beside me.. it funny that the little things that drove my crazy like his snoring i would do anything to hear it now. So now I look back at all the happy memories and smile evern through the tears...so hang in there friend and you will too that does not mean the you will not have your bad day's because I think that there will ways be bad day's because we had such wonderful men for our husband. your friend gail :wub:

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I'm Still Waiting

What I'm feeling, time is gonna heal it

I've been hearing that for so long now

They say I'll move on, got to try and be strong

Life will go on,I'll get through this somehow

Oh, but how, when

I'm still waiting

For you to come back

I'm aching

For you to walk through that door

And hold me once more

But you won't

Waiting

It was a Sunday, we buried you in the rain

I never knew pain 'til the first night alone

Opened your closet, breathed you in and lost it

The truth of it, baby, finally hit home

No,you're not coming home but

I'm still waiting

For you to come back

I'm aching

For you to walk through that door

And hold me once more

But you won't

Waiting

Wish you could talk to me somehow

Tell me what do I do now

I'm still waiting

I'm still waiting

For you to come back

I'm aching

For you to walk through that door

And hold me once more

But you won't

Waiting

I'm aching

For you to walk through that door

And hold me once more

But you won't ~ you won't

Yeah,I know ~ I know

That you won't ~ you won't

Still I go on

Waiting

[source: Cowboylyrics.com]

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I see that Marty found the lyrics. Doesn't it pretty well say what we're all feeling? Last night was one of those nights that I just couldn't quit crying. LIke you Gail, I'd love to hear him snore again even though there were times I'd go sleep in the other room because it drove me crazy.

Everybody keeps saying it will get easier but I still haven't found that. In fact there are days I feel it is worse than the days surrounding his death. Maybe I was just to numb them. Like I told my friend the other day though, I know we will make it because there are too many people in the same boat we are still walking around. We all just have to find new "sames".

Mary Linda

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Thank you for sharing that with us.

That is a REAL tear jerker! I can't help but cry reading those words and I haven't even heard the music yet. The part that gets to me is "Wish you could talk to me somehow, Tell me what do I do now, waiting" If only we could make contact. I heard a song say the other day something about I'd trade it all for just one more minute with you...that pretty much sums it up.

Love you all,

KayC

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