Alone Again...

[MikeC]

At this time 5 weeks ago I was by my Janet's side, holding her hand, telling her I love her, saying goodbye...forever.

I have been missing her a lot all day, but God, I miss her so much tonight. This old house, once filled with love and laughter, has turned into a lonely hell.

Mike

[karenb]

Mike...

At 5 weeks I had all these "waves" of tears that just wouldn't go away, wherever I was. Believe me, it was "hell" walking around in this world. I understand. Now, 3 years later, I'm so much better and just a little at a time. The love you two had will always be, and the time will come when you'll remember the good times and have a bit of a grin at the silly things you both did. Love just goes on forever. Take care of yourself, Mike. Your lady wants you to do just that because she loves you.

Your friend, Karen

[JoeA]

Oh God, I hear you Mike. The way I see it, there must be a heaven, because this is certainly hell! Hang on any way you can. We just have to believe the unbelievable, that somehow, some day this pain will lessen. Of course we will never forget, never "get over it". But maybe, if we hang in, things will improve. Night is always the worst time for me. Some nights I can't sleep at all. Time, which under other circumstances is always passing too quickly, now drags so slowly it's agonizing. Sometimes it does help to put it out here to the group, and know there are others out there who do really care, even when you don't get a response right away.

Peace to be with you tonight and always.

- Joe

[JeanneC]

I know how you feel Mike. I lost Alex just about a month ago. We have to get through this. Just one day at a time. I just hope that this is the worst it gets. I never ever want to forget my Alex and you never want to forget Janet, but I know that we cannot go on grieving for the rest of our lives. The worst time for me is when I come home from work. Alex worked from home and he used to cook. I miss the dinner time when we would eat and then we would talk about our day. We would sit there for a couple of hours. Not many couples do that any more. It was very important for us to have dinner together every day.

So hang in there and God bless.

Jeanne

[Lily]

Dear Mike,

I don't think we ever feel as lost or alone as we do when someone who

has been our life dies. It's a sadness and pain that no one can take

from us...but I know that writing here and knowing that others are going

through this torment and understand and don't judge somehow eases and soothes. I've had many many moments of desperation and it wasn't family or

friend that I turned to, but here. Take care, Mike. Lily

[Jan Thurman]

Mike, it is amazing that not one of us knows each other personally but we all have that one bond. We all go through the same motions and feelings. I know exactly how you feel at 5 weeks just like other people on this web site do. It will be 5 months for me on August 9, 2008. My husband died of a cardiac arrest. I said goodbye to him and went to work and that was the last words that we spoke. We were married almost 40 years. I did not think that I could ever smile again. I have worn black for the past 5 months because that is how I have felt inside. I have now started wearing some colors. I went to a support group which did wonders for me. They took a break for July and will be starting up next month. I can't wait to go back. It helped me so much. There are still days when I cry so hard but there are also days when I can laugh now. I also write letters in a journal to my husband that my support group told me to do and I didn't think it would help the way that it has. I also find that people do not like to speak about it to you so no one actually says anything to me at work. I am just lucky that I have a wonderful daughter that works with me and lives on the next property to me. I have kept busy my doing all the things that I knew my husband had wanted to get done this year. We started putting up a new fence around our property and my goal is to get it finished. I like doing things like that but it also makes me feel good to get them accomplished for my husband. I built a memorial garden to him and that was a great feeling. Well I will quite babbling on. Take care and keep coming to this web site. It has helped me alot.

Your friend from afar.

Janet

[JeanneC]

Janet, you had a significant number of years with your husband. And you are right that we all do have that one bond. We all try to help one another even though we ourselves are hurting and it is nice to know that people are willing to give of themselves. Before I came to this site I thought I was the only one in the world that lost her husband. I know that cannot be true, but that is the initial feeling I had when my husband died.

Everyone has been so nice to me and to each other.

May God Bless us all.

Jeanne

[kayc]

Mike,

I lost my husband on Father's Day, June, 19 2005. That entire summer was a blur, I remember feeling panicky, scared, alone, and a myriad of feelings flooding through me all at once. I went through the motions of work, cleaning the house, taking care of the pets, but inside, it felt like I had died too and why hadn't God taken me with him? I don't remember any joy that summer, although I tried to look for it, but I did find joyful moments in nature, my pets, simple things like my dog's smile, or a beautiful rainbow. 5 weeks isn't very far out, and yet to you it probably seems like an eternity because it was just 5 weeks ago that your entire world, as you knew it, turned upsidedown. It will get easier to live with as time goes by, but it seems there isn't much cure but time. In the meanwhile, we learn to live one day, one moment at a time, and be graceful to ourselves. This is indeed, tough.

The best to you,

KayC

[MikeC]

Thank you all for your comforting words. I appreciate each and every one of you wonderful people for sharing your own stories of tragic loss and for hope that there may again be happiness beyond the bleakness that I am experiencing now.

I am so glad I found this place.

Mike