New Mourner

[grammymoore]

I just found your website. My husband Jack passed a way March 10th of this year. It happened so quick. He passed of cancer that spread through out hus body and the Dr's siad he had this cancer for at least 2 months before they wer abletoget it completely diagnoised.

He came down to the point where he couldnt walk and a loss of appitate. I went tomy mother's funeral In the middle of Februaury and when Icame home he went down very sick with in a week or less

He didnt know he had cancer at all. he woke up the 5th and asked to go tothe hospital because he was nauesous,

that was the 5th of March. that is when we found out he had cancer and their was nothing they could do. The Dr's gueesed any where from six month and that went down to days. So we broughthim home and hospice came in and he passed ont the 10th of March.

I have had time to get used tothe idea that he is not here but it still torments me how quick he went.

The thing is Iam stillin limbo and Ifeel lost and lonesome even though I amliving with my daughter

We had jack cremated and that is bothering me because I feel like when jhe was cremated that I may have commited a sinby having him creamated. I dontknow where to lookin the bible tofind out if we were in the wrong in doing t his/ His URN is sitting on the matle on the fireplace and Iaskmy daughter toput it a way for now. And she wont let me move him.

I dont know what I feel aboutmy futer as myhusband was almost 73 by 5 days and I am 65, I am healthey and would like toeventually get my own place as I have nohome of my own and my Aunt told me toto take it one day at a time and one step at a time

I did spend a month in Oregon with my other daughter and it helped me a lot because I was busy

Iamnot busy and Idont drive and no buses here in Georgia in Augusta and Iget upset because Icant get out and go places whenI want

.I love to walk but it is tohumid and hot forme to get out and do that soI guess Iam wondering if any one here would be interested in becoming friends with me and be a friend

I docrafts of all sots but Ialsostay in my room a lot because their is nothing else for me to do here.

Thanks for lettimg me exspressmyself and feeling here

Mary Ann

[laurieb]

Hi Mary Ann

Welcome to this site.. I am so very sorry for your loss. I too lost my husband and it was only 4 days after you lost yours. I am feeling some of the same feelings you are. My husband died of an aortic dissection and he was fine that morning. he worked out, fed the horse and was happy and then passed. I have listened to others who have had time to say goodbye and then those like us that didn't have enough time and I guess the pain is very similar. I can share that I know how very much my husband loved me and he knew how much I loved and adored him. The quality of our life is what is sustaining me now in his memory. He is with me in my heart and helping me raise our two boys. It sounds like you have a faith and that will help you too. I hope you can continue to share your feelings with us and we will all be there for you. Perhaps early morning walks with a friend before the heat of the day may be helpful. If you belong to a church perhaps they can help you with rides or some company. Everyday I read the posts so that I can get all the experience strength and hope that I may be able to get through this pain..one day at a time. We will all be your friend....

hugs,

laurie

[kath]

Dear Mary Ann,

I am sorry for the loss of your dear husband. You are among friends here and I hope you continue to post as it is a hard journey, one you should not try to walk alone. I am not an expert in the words of the Bible, but I did work at a Church and cremations are treated just as respectfully as funerals. It is just a matter of individual preference. Our lives are measured by how we have lived, not how we are laid to rest.

I've been a widow for two years and when I think about my future it becomes too much for me. I find it best to take it one day, one minute, even one second at a time. (This is frustrating to my sisters who like to make plans a year in advance, but it is the best I can do.) It's been said to not make any major decisions the first year. I've also found crafts to be a good outlet. Take your time and take good care.

Kath

[ulver101]

I, too am new to mourning, 6 weeks tomorrow. Andy and I were "lucky" enough to have time to talk about what he wanted to happen if he died( I was the one who kept saying if). He wanted cremation and NO FUSS!. I took most of his ashes to England to scatter in his birthplace, as per his request. I really believe that whether we bury or cremate our loved ones, their real memorial is in our hearts.

I hope you find peace, just as I hope I do, Sue

[kayc]

Mary Ann,

Welcome to this site...I am sorry for your loss. We are all here for each other and you will find others going through the same thing, although each one's journey is as unique as they are. It is good to express yourself, it helps to process the grief.

Kay

[valley]

Dear Mary Ann,

I am so sorry for your loss and for the suddenness of it all. My husband died 10 months ago today. He was being treated for cancer but we did not expect his death at all. He dropped dead from a complication at home. Suddenly. He was cremated as i knew that would be what he wanted. I find comfort in knowing that he is still here in the house with me. Even his ashes.

The future.....yes that is a big question mark. In truth I guess it always is, for everyone healthy or not. But like you, I cannot imagine mine. I am wrapped up in responsibilities now and helping my mother who is in her early 90's and is showing signs of early dementia, though she totally denies this fact. So I am busy.

But it is my garden, my friendships and my two adult children that give me reason to get up each day. It would be so good for you to find a crafting group, maybe even through the YWCA and become invovled with some other people doing something that you love. Maybe you can take a bus to town. It is a process of living each day, just that day. And trying to find something good in each day. A few days ago, sitting at my desk as I am now, with the window open above the computer I smelled something so sweet and wonderful. I went outside and of course it was the honeysuckle planted just by the window. I thought "that is my good thing today". It was a special treat and like everything short lived.

Come to this site often and you will find friends.

Much love, Valley

[Boo Mayhew]

Mary Ann, welcome to our family. I am so sorry for your loss but I know that you will find help here because I have. I have never heard of cremation being a sin but I do know that in some religions it is compulsory even. You haven't done anything wrong.

Hugs

[teny]

Mary Ann Im so sorry for your loss.I must tell you that it is so similar to mine IM almost your age lost my love 32 months ago/He was72 and was diagnost th2 of ogtober with lung cancer and died the 2 of november.I do understand how you feel its a part of us that die together.Keep coming here.you will fnd suport.your far away friend .TENY