Fredzgirl Posted July 18, 2009 Report Share Posted July 18, 2009 Fred and I had been together 10 !/2 years. We never married but lived together 10 of those years. We both had come from long but dysfunctional marriages when we met. He was so easy to love and he felt the same about me. He was 66, I'm 58. He had some health issues; more than his share this year. On 6/26/09 he went to a follow-up doctor appointment and called me from the lobby saying he couldn't move. I did what I could to help him relax. He had times like this before from yet another health issue. Usually if he relaxed, it went away. Sure enough, at 10:13AM he called and told me he was feeling better then the phone went dead. My next call was from the adjoining hospital telling me to come there. Fred went into cardiac arrest and was not revived for 37 minutes inspite of CPR and defibrillation. The following 12 days were filled with hope, fear and plenty of tears. It was a roller coaster. In the end, he passed away in the evening of 7/8/09. I was fortunate to be with him.Now here I am, searching the internet for some understanding. Trying to figure out how I should be feeling and when will I feel better. Wondering how to live without him.Fredzgirl....Fay Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mlg Posted July 18, 2009 Report Share Posted July 18, 2009 Welcome and I'm sorry you have to be here.You should be feeling however you feel. There is no right or wrong way, just your way. You are probably still numb. Just be sure to eat and sleep because those are hard things to do at times, especially the sleep. You will have lots of emotions and that is fine. A lot of how you handle it depends on the people surrounding you and how they support you. A lot of us here have had little to no support and that makes things a whole lot harder.Just remember there is no specific time line. There are people on here that lost someone 10 years ago and didn't let themselves grieve at the time so it finally caught up with them and they are now grieving.Keep coming back here with any questions you have and we will try to help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted July 18, 2009 Report Share Posted July 18, 2009 Fay,I am so sorry you lost your Fred. Please read and post here, it'll help...we've all been through this and somehow survived...in the beginning we were sure that we would. There is always someone here to listen and care...Kay Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kath Posted July 18, 2009 Report Share Posted July 18, 2009 Now here I am, searching the internet for some understanding. Trying to figure out how I should be feeling and when will I feel better. Wondering how to live without him.Fay,I am sorry for your loss. This journey is different for everyone. It's important to have people to talk with. The friends you meet here know all too well what you are going through. Be gentle with yourself. Breathe, eat, sleep and when you don't think you can, come here.Take good care,Kath Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Mayhew Posted July 18, 2009 Report Share Posted July 18, 2009 Hi, please accept my sincere condolences for your sudden and sad loss. Please just remember that you should only expect yourself to take one day at a time, one step at a time. Be kind to yourself, try and eat, sleep as and when you can ... and keep coming back here to talk, it really helps - we are here for you. xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrspapajohn Posted July 18, 2009 Report Share Posted July 18, 2009 Fay - - My heart goes out to you. There are so many different and strong emotions to go through when you lose your loved one that it's hard to say how you should be feeling. I cried for quite awhile, then felt numb, then angry, then I cried again. At some points I felt that I either was insane or I was going insane. Then I started to come to this site and found out that there are so many ways to feel, that every feeling is normal. The common denominator is sadness. I will be thinking of you. Please come back and tell us how you are doing. We will be here to support you.Kathy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fredzgirl Posted July 19, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 19, 2009 Thank you all for your kind words. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
valley Posted July 19, 2009 Report Share Posted July 19, 2009 Fay,I am so sorry for the loss of your dear Fred. Like your friends here have said, eat, rest, and be gentle with yourself now. Like you, I also wonder how to live without my husband and he died just over 10 months ago. I just do what I need to do that day. I am living. I miss him so much and believe that there is no time frame for grief. But I do have a calendar on my desk and write in special events that will happen in the next months...weddings, birthdays, dinners with friends, visits to my mother.....things that will pull me into my future. TAke care Fay, and let yourself feel what you feel. Valley Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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