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Loss Of Step Brother


dpodesta

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I am at a loss for understanding. I normally post in the loss of spouse forum as I lost my wife a little over 3 years ago. Last week my step brother took his life. It was a whirl wind afair traveling out of state this weekend to attend the funeral. Since I have gotten home and had time to get back into every day life I have been going through an emotional roller coaster. Usually during the day there are enough distractions that I don't think about it much, but when I get home it is a different story. The questions start coming in especially the "Why?" which usually turns into anger wondering why he would do this to us. Did he not realize the pain he would put us through? I finally start living life again and feeling good about life and then this happens. I don't want to deal with it. I know if I can get through the loss of my wife I can get through this, but it has put me back into that tunnel where you just don't see an end to it. That black cloud of fog you just can't see through. I am tired of the pain. Once again my life has changed and never will be the same again.

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Derek, My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family also. You know by now that there aren´t any answers, or at least not any good ones. All we can do is to support one another and to take the time we need too to get through each day. Don´t rush through any step and just keep trying to put one foot in front of the other when you can. Take care of yourself and be especially mindful of those without our experience. Fred

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My dear Derek,

I’m so sorry to learn of this tragic loss, but grateful to know that you’ve found your way back to us so we can be with you in your pain. Death by suicide is one of the most difficult losses to endure, and certainly one of the most difficult to understand. I’m going to point you to some resources that I hope will help, so you'll have quick access to them whenever you feel ready to utilize them. You can also download the Survivors of Suicide Handbook, which I'm attaching as a pdf file. (These and other resources are listed on the Suicide Loss page of my Grief Healing Web site, http://www.griefhealing.com/suicide-loss.htm.)

In the meantime, just take time to feel and share your thoughts and feelings with us, whatever they may be, and know that we are always here for you . . .

Guilty, Your Honor: The Burden of Guilt after a Suicide, http://hovforum.ipbhost.com/index.php?s=&a...ost&p=33269

Friends for Survival of Suicide Loss, http://www.friendsforsurvival.org/

Healing for Survivors of Suicide, http://www.survivingsuicide.com/

Healing the Hurt Spirit: Daily Affirmations for People Who've Lost a Loved One to Suicide (Book by Catherine Greenleaf)

Heartbeat: Grief Support following Suicide, http://heartbeatsurvivorsaftersuicide.org

Journey through Suicide Grief, http://www.journeythroughsuicidegrief.com/

Silent Grief: Living in the Wake of Suicide (Book by Christopher Lucas)

Suicide Support from Befrienders International, http://www.befrienders.org/

Resources for Suicide Survivors, http://www.suicidology.org/web/guest/survivor-resources

When Someone You Love Commits Suicide, http://www.thisisawar.com/GriefSuicide.htm

SurvivorsOfSuicideHandbook.pdf

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  • 1 month later...

I am at a loss for understanding. I normally post in the loss of spouse forum as I lost my wife a little over 3 years ago. Last week my step brother took his life. It was a whirl wind afair traveling out of state this weekend to attend the funeral. Since I have gotten home and had time to get back into every day life I have been going through an emotional roller coaster. Usually during the day there are enough distractions that I don't think about it much, but when I get home it is a different story. The questions start coming in especially the "Why?" which usually turns into anger wondering why he would do this to us. Did he not realize the pain he would put us through? I finally start living life again and feeling good about life and then this happens. I don't want to deal with it. I know if I can get through the loss of my wife I can get through this, but it has put me back into that tunnel where you just don't see an end to it. That black cloud of fog you just can't see through. I am tired of the pain. Once again my life has changed and never will be the same again.

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Dear far away friend .I was wondering about you and thought you were doing better since I have not seen your post for a long time .IM so sorry you are back with another loss.Please know that Im thinking of you and hope you find the courage to get over this pain. love Teny

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Derek,

I am sorry for you and your family. It must be horrible to think someone you love could be in that much pain and not reach for help. I've been told grief is like peeling back an onion. There are all these layers and tears and with each added loss, we return to our first only to grieve at a deeper level. Please know that we love you and care about you and hope you find your way through this pain again.

Kath

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I am so sorry that I did not know about this before. I don't read every day any more so I know I miss things.

Please accept my condolences. I'm sure that anger at your step brother comes in to play a lot more than it did with your wife. It is so hard for us to accept why someone would do this, but just realize that this too is a sickness. I'm sure it is hard with Carson too since he is at the precarious age.

Take care of yourself

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