My Aching Back

[kath]

My back has been really bothering me this week and I know it is usually stress related, so I keep stretching and remind myself to breathe. All I could think of last night was how Bob would snuggle up with his big ole belly against my back and drop one arm around my waist and by morning I would feel great. How I miss that belly! It was the best heating pad there ever was.

[marsha]

Kath - I appreciate them ole bellies, too! I had back problems a couple of weeks back, and I was like an 80 year old woman getting out of bed. Joe had fingers of steel for my tight neck - now, I've got to pay for it! (Professional massage, that is, let's get our minds out of the gutter) - c'mon down here, baby, I'll walk on your back for free - Love and hugs, Marsha

[laurieb]

Kath,

your post made me smile. My scott was a chiropractor and we have an actual table in our bedroom and he worked and helped all of us and now...nothing. I still can't take it down but I have had regular massages so that I can try to keep myself whole.. and they help so very much

laurie

[valley]

Hi Kath,

Tom's body was always way warmer than mine. On a cold night I would stick my ice cold feet up against him and warm up. Yes, how we miss that other person.

Speaking of backs....I found out several months ago I have lumbar spinal stenosis. I am scheduled to go in the hospital this coming Tuesday for back surgery. As I live rurally, I have to travel 5 hours to the hospital. My son will take time off and get me there and then a week later come and get me. Or whenever I am released (they say around 5 days). I have put this off a long time but decided that instead of going on stronger pain meds I would see if this will help.

Talk about missing Tom now. He would take me. He would be there when I came out of surgery. He would bring me home and be the one to help me. I am a person who does not like to ask for help. I am private in many ways. Now I need some help. My friends have all offered to help out, even to have me stay at their homes for recovery. My son and daughter offer the same. All I can think of is.........do the surgery......get home....get in my own bed.....be on my own. I had a thought shortly after Tom died ...that in an emergency....there would be no one to call, no one that would even care. It freaked me out. In this year I have learned that many people care and especially my children. My friends have been great. But oh how I long for Tom to be by my side as I under go spinal surgery.

Back to your idea of a warm body up against you......I call that love and healing power. So fine.

Your friend, Valley (Shelley)

[DeeGee]

Valley,

Just to let you know, my sister had the surgery for spinal stenosis around 5 years ago at age 62. They operated on 7 levels on her. She did well. Five days in the hospital and then she went to a rehab center for a week because she is a single woman and was on her own at the time. (She now lives with her daughter and grandchildren) After she got home I went and stayed with her for a week at her place.

She still must take some pain medication from time to time, but she is no longer bent over (she was beginning to permanently lean forward, kind of hunched forward) and she does not have the pain going down into her legs anymore.

My late father also had this surgery. He was 73 when he had it and he also did remarakbly well.

Good luck to you,

DeeGee

[Boo Mayhew]

Me too ... oh I miss that warm safe belly against my back as I slept. Warm and safe.

These days my deaf dog (who is a pain in the a**) snuggles in the small of my back (on top of the covers thankfully) ... but I know that I'm aware of this when I sleep ... the pressure of touch and warmth, it gives me enough reassurance to sleep through most nights, I reckon. So this bedtime ritual of his overwrites all the annoying naughty things that he does ;-)

[Maryo]

Hi Kath,

I do agree stress can cause many health problems. I am a healthy person but over the last year I had many health problems. Thankfully nothing to serious. I think it is a way to tell the body to slow down.

Valley,

Good luck with your surgery and I hope you have a speedy recovery.

Take care.

Mary Lou

[kath]

Shelley,

I will be praying for a safe surgery and speedy recovery. It is really scary thinking about facing these things alone, so I do hope you take people up on their offer to help. It isn't an easy thing to do, but it is so necessary. I was always worried about who would take care of me when I became ill and when I came down with a whopper of a cold, a new friend, someone I had just met since Bob's death, brought soup and tissues, honey and tea. It was just that little kind gesture that made all the difference. Being consumed with grief made me feel more totally alone. I think people wanted to help (at least early on) but didn't want to intrude and sort of waited to be asked. This was the ideal time to allow them to help. I've always been a believer that God puts people in our path for a reason. None of this is by accident. All of you here, help me more than you could imagine. Asking for help means humbling ourselves. At this time in our lives, we've been extremely humbled due to our losses. It is an ideal time to be brave enought to reach out. When we are stronger, we will always have the opportunity to return the favor.

Best of luck and goodness to you,

Kath

[valley]

Kath,

Hope your back is better today.

I wanted to thank everyone for their good wishes for me.

Kath somehow the things you say just seem so wise and to the point. Your words resonate with me. I am touched when you say that asking for help humbles us and that we need to be brave enough to reach out for help.

I have a stubborn streak in me that wants to do everything by myself....unless I did it with Tom. He was the one I could ask things from, or freak out to and sometimes be mean or sometimes be totally open. I felt more real with him than with anyone. And we always helped each other.

I digress. I wanted to say that you teach me lessons by your words that I need to learn to grow into a fuller person. Thank you.

My son will be here any minute and we are off for our 5 hour drive through the mountains to have surgery tomorrow morning.

Love to all,

Shelley

[kayc]

Kath,

I'm sorry your back is hurting...I try not to even think about what I miss, it just makes it harder on myself, but I know what you mean. I still hate sleeping alone.

I hope you're doing better by now!

Love,

kay

[kath]

Thank you, all, for your well wishes. My back is doing better. I have an extremely busy week with sports consuming most nights. My boss was kind enough to let me leave early to get to my daughter's games. So, I feel very blessed to have superiors that understand my priorities. Now, I just need to sit less, walk more, not slouch and get some rest. I hope you, too, can find blessings in your days. (And Boo, if I could trust my dog to not eat the bed, the headboard, dressers, myself, etc., I would even welcome her warm shagginess in my space.)

Love,

Kath

[kayc]

Kath,

I'm glad you're doing better. And maybe with a muzzle the dog could share your space, I'm about to get Arlie one...I couldn't trust him not to eat the couch or the carpet, I haven't got much left to lose, but I'd kind of like to keep something intact in my house! LOL

I just had a huge scare with Arlie, I accidentally left the dogfood lid off and he overate, by about 12-14 cups, and got "food bloat", it could have killed him! He hurt so bad, he couldn't sit down or lay down, he was restless and crying, I've never seen an animal in so much pain! We walked him and had to take his water away and no more food for 36 hours, he eventually threw up and got a little relief so he could lay down and rest a bit. I am so glad to have my rambunctious happy dog back, I don't even mind the chewing! It amazes me how much he's wormed his way into my heart, I literally LIVE for that dog! His smile makes my day.

So enjoy your little dog and any relief from back pain, and I hope your day goes well.

I love you!

Kay

[Korina]

Like everyone, I so miss the comfort of my guy. For me, I was the one who rubbed him. Sometimes it annoyed me that he so often wanted me to rub his back or his ankles. I would give anything to be able to do that again.

Kath and Valley - hope all goes well. I have a friend who is a registered massage therapist. I plan to make an appointment sometime soon.

And the presence of our kitties is so incredibly comforting.

Korina