jrm Posted October 5, 2009 Report Share Posted October 5, 2009 Hi everyone. FYI I know we talk about our grief and how to deal with it. We need to take care of ourselves physically and mentally. I have a very good gentleman friend who is in the banking business. He is always emphasizing to me...Change nothing for one year. Don't give anything away. Don't go making irrational purchases. Don't put my 9 room house (just me) on the market. That's my plan and I'm sticking to it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marsha Posted October 6, 2009 Report Share Posted October 6, 2009 I think your plan is a solid one. I'm thinking that advice is given because at one point or another, we feel the need to flee - away from our pain, away from our environment with all the memories. But it takes a while to realize that our pain goes with us no matter where we are; hence, the waiting is to grieve, to just be, to come to our senses and see where we are - and that takes time. I know for some of the folks here, it's not that easy, as financial circumstances dictate the future. Hugs, Marsha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PaulaB. Posted October 7, 2009 Report Share Posted October 7, 2009 I think that everyone needs to do what's right for them. It would be nice to have the security blanket for a year, but I don't have that. I live with my 22 year old daughter in my fiance Tom's house. I'm supposed to get the house, but will I? I don't know, his will is in probate. I have to look out for both of our futures. Right now it's a roof, but I have to pay the bills. Paula Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeeGee Posted October 7, 2009 Report Share Posted October 7, 2009 I agree - the advice to make no changes for a year presumes the widowed person is not experiencing any financial strains. For many of us I am sure that is just not the case. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Korina Posted October 8, 2009 Report Share Posted October 8, 2009 This posting has actually spurred me on to start organizing my finances, looking for daycare, thinking about my budget, etc. I do not want to leave our apartment, but with the status quo, it is just too expensive. However, in talking about it with others, I now see there are potential alternatives and solutions. So I just wanted to say thanks for the kick in the butt. Korina Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kath Posted October 10, 2009 Report Share Posted October 10, 2009 I think your plan is a solid one. I'm thinking that advice is given because at one point or another, we feel the need to flee - away from our pain, away from our environment with all the memories. But it takes a while to realize that our pain goes with us no matter where we are; hence, the waiting is to grieve, to just be, to come to our senses and see where we are - and that takes time. Marsha I agree totally with Marsha. I can see that after a year, I changed and started to settle in. What brought me sadness and despair (roaming around a house that used to feel full) now brings comfort. I love having Bob's coats still hang in the closet and see the stuff he had arranged in the garage still in their spot. I think if I changed things now, I would feel his loss more acutely than ever. The urge to flee is gone. I have had thoughts of moving just to be closer to my job, but I don't want to add any more disruption to my children's lives. They've been through enough...we all have. All my best, Kath Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jrm Posted October 16, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 16, 2009 I sign of moving on. Having a plan. In Duke's closet now hangs all his favorite jackets. I guess I never realized how many Favorites he had. Harley Davidson x 4, Willie G leather, Chevy Racing, Wheels of Time Car Club, Never have they all hung in one closet together. Guess it was like coming home. They give me comfort for that was our life, motorcycles, custom and classic cars, and John Force dragsters. The photo albums of all our trips are there for all to see. Such an idyllic life cut short when a boy who admits he was texting ran into us on our motorcycle 14 miles from home. We both were injured and the MDs said we would both be fine but Duke developed a clot to his heart and died two days later. Now my heart is broken. Sorry for your loss but I am glad you have found this site. We all can comfort each other at this time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LindaKoz Posted October 17, 2009 Report Share Posted October 17, 2009 I would like to stay in our home forever but it's probably not realistic. We rent a three bedroom home and it's just going to be too expensive for me in the long run. I think I can comfortably stay here until sometime in the summer so that gives me about 9 or 10 months. My loss is fresh (less than a month) so I don't even want to think about going through Brian's belongings. It's just too overwhelming. I suppose time will help but I just can't seem to totally believe that right now. I just want him back because it hurts. Peace, love, and blessings, Linda Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kath Posted October 27, 2009 Report Share Posted October 27, 2009 I think I've said this before on this site, but I'd like to share it again because it really hit home with me. I had read a legend of the Ojibwe in MN and it was custom to mourn the loss of your spouse for a year. After that time, the widow/widower would gather all their loved ones things and have a sort of give-away gathering at their home on the one year anniversary. The whole tribe acknowledged the loss and the life together. At one year, it seemed fitting for me to give things away. I still have a lot I've hung on to, but it was the passage of time, and possibly tradition, that helped me feel ready to move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Mayhew Posted October 27, 2009 Report Share Posted October 27, 2009 sometimes we forget to listen to age old advice and traditions - they do things this way for a reason ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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