You Are Looking Good..!?

[Korina]

Has anyone else had people tell you, "Hey, you are looking really good!", and had the gut reaction to be one of 2 things. Either, "Good? I don't want to look good! My husband just died. How can I look good? How do I have the right to look good?" Or, "Liar. My hair is a mess, I have black circles under my eyes and I am dressed like a slob!"

I have yet to have someone say that to me and feel good about it.

Korina

[LindaKoz]

Thankfully, I haven't had anyone tell me that I look good. I know that it would probably be a "lie." I don't really have the energy to focus on what I'm wearing, how my hair looks, putting on make-up, etc. And, I think if someone told me that I look good I would burst into tears. Every effort I used to make was a result of Brian looking at me, smiling, and telling me I looked beautiful to him. I miss him . . . .

Peace, love, and blessings,

Linda

[Boo Mayhew]

I've lost the extra weight that I'd gained ... and kept it off ... I sometimes reply, "Yes, it's the Misery Diet".

[Rochel]

I was told today that I looked good...my response wanted to be I bet my broken heart looks like crap....and I don't feel how I look...Rochel

[marsha]

Korina - it just reinforced my feeling that the face we show to the outside world, and the one within, are like 2 sides of a coin. I ran into my ex boss and his wife when I was about 4-5 months out. She told me how great I looked. Let me just say that I had lost 20 pounds - I was essentially the same weight as when I was 13 - and I'm 53. I looked scary, not good, and I just thought to myself, "what planet are you on??" I'm not sure what the correct response should be, because I'm not sure what this comment really means. I think it may mean that these folks are secretly thinking, thank G-d she's not crying, I'll say something to make her feel good. Whatever. Hugs, Marsha

[kayc]

I USED to look good...my BF just asked me "what happened?" Didn't do my self esteem any wonders...

I'd settle for the "You're looking good" remark...even if it's a lie!

[marsha]

I beg to disagree, Kay - when you posted your pictures many months ago, I looked at the "now" photo, and my first thought was - she's beautiful. And I'm not just being nice. Just had to add that - Hugs, Marsha

[kayc]

Well I've gained weight for one thing...this is me and Jim now

(You can see it easier on Facebook)

http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/photo.php?pid=830230&id=1170627458

[Fredzgirl]

I heard that compliment just last night. It was from Fred's cousin who I haven't seen since the funeral. I was under a lot of stress with Fred's failing health. I've lost weight since then (on purpose) and I sleep more. I think I probably do look better. And, although I still have periods of deep saddness, most of the time I feel ok and and feel Fred's love around and within me. Most people mean well. I don't think they are trying to discount our grief by telling us we look good. Still, sometimes I feel unloveable and unattractive too and I don't want to hear anyone telling me any different.

[Korina]

I had another one of the "firsts" today - a luncheon for a sustainable living initiative that was a lot like luncheons I attended in my past political life (many of the same faces there). It was harder than I thought. Scott and I always discussed these thing, and we both had a strong connection to the fellow leading the initiative. Anyhow, several folks noted that I looked well (I was in business attire as opposed to my normal jeans and tshirt...). Though one friend caught herself and warned me not to lose anymore weight (I have essentially lost all my pregancy weight without trying). I got to use the "Misery Diet" line more than once...