Jump to content
tigereye83

How Do I Walk Down The Aisle Without My Dad

Recommended Posts

Hi, I'm in my mid 20's and I lost my 48 year old father this past August to a heart attack. I can not believe he is gone, it actually blows my mind that he isn't here anymore. We were so close...he was one of my best friends/mentors/hero's...really the list goes on and on. I loved him with all of my heart. They were able to revive him after his attack but unfortunately too much time had passed and we had to take him off life support because he didn't have any brain activity. Fortunately, because they were able to revive him, I got to say "good bye for now"...he was in a coma but I hope he could hear me... I believe that one day we will be together again.

I'm engaged and one of the hardest things to deal with is the thought of him not being at my wedding. I can't tell you how many times I pictured in my mind how it would be when he gave me to my husband...I even already had a song picked out for us to dance to. It tears me apart that he won't be there. Most of all I just miss talking to him...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Tigereye I am so very sorry for the loss of your Dad. And I can only imagine how hard it must be when you think ahead to that very special Wedding Day. I am guessing that you know.. he will be there.. walking you down the aisle. It is just you won't see him. But I seriously doubt.... he'd miss that for the world (or rather in this case the 'afterlife') even!

Grief is difficult. It hurts so bad because we were loved and loved in return so well. And I know it isn't the same.. but I talk to my parents all of the time.... still.

Most of all.. know you are not alone... we all know the pain. The missing lasts for always I think, but for me the desperately painful feelings of loss get a bit less intense over time.

So keep coming here and sharing & reading...

It helps me loads to know I am not alone in my pain. Hope the same for you.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am sorry for your loss! I lost my Mom on Jan, 23, 2010.

If your dad is creamated buy a small urn and attach it to your bouquet and have your mom or a close male walk you down the aisle with the urn attached to your flowers.

Dance with a close male or your Mom to father/daughter dance to the song you picked for you and your dad...dont change the song. Or you and the urn could dance alone.

Not creamated - use a very special item of his (eg. watch) and attach it to your bouquet. Do the same thing but with his special item.

Even though he is not there to walk with you in person he is there in spirit - I promise!

My Grandpa and one of my uncles passed away before my wedding so my grandma put a vase with two roses in it to represent my uncle and my grandfather.

One of my alive uncles made a speech to announce that he was going to dance with me in my Grandfather and my Uncles place. We grabbed the vase with the two roses that represented each man and we danced.

post-13673-126672143312_thumb.jpg The roses on our table representing 2 men

post-13673-126672145236_thumb.jpg The roses on our table again

post-13673-126672147623_thumb.jpg My uncle announcing my Granfather/Uncle dance

post-13673-126672150335_thumb.jpg Still announcing he is going to dance with me for Grandpa and Uncle Jim

post-13673-1266721520_thumb.jpg My dance with my Grandpa, my unlce and my other uncle

I hope this helps you!

Sandra

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

What an absolutely heartwarming and touching post, Sandra! You are a positively radiant and beautiful bride ~ and what a thoughtful and loving way to include your uncle and your grandfather in your wedding. Thank you so much for sharing this with all of us! :wub:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sorry to hear about your loss Tigereye. I lost my Dad in the same way. When he was in a coma, I saved some of his hair because I thought about when I walk down the aisle I will take it with me. But now that some time has passed, I don't think I will do that. Instead I will have a non-traditional wedding, maybe to some awesome place like Rome or Greece, and just have a personal ceremony that me and my husband write, maybe have only very good friends there. I'm not going to do all the traditional things like the father's dance. Of course, I was never the type of girl who dreamed about weddings, so maybe it's easier for me to give up that vision since I really didn't have it to begin with. I always feel that life isn't about the "big" events or moments, but instead about all the time in between those events. Once the time comes, you will follow your heart and do something that feels right for you. Each person will have a different way of dealing with the loss, but if we all follow our instincts, we can do what's right for us. ((((hugs)))

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how sad you must feel knowing your Dad won't physically be there. My Dad almost wasn't able to walk me down the aisle and that made me sad. He was hospitalized a week before my wedding. Actually had a heart attack on his way to the tux shop. Long story short, he busted himself out of the hospital just to walk me down the aisle. Anyway, my grandfather and Nana had passed away when I was in elementary school. My husband's grandfather had just passed a few years before. I wanted to include them in the ceremony in some way, especially my Nana since I was so close to her and named after her. A friend showed me this beautiful poem about how butterflies represent those who have passed. So I had three butterflies included in my bouquet. My bouquet was silk flowers so it was easy to do. Also, after I had been walked down the aisle , and before the actual ceremony began, we lit candles. We had a small table placed on the side with 3 candles. One representing each grandparent. The officator said a few words, explaining to out guests the significance of the candles. Attached to each candle was a butterfly. The candles remained lit during the entire ceremony and reception. After the ceremony, we moved the candles to the head table. After the reception, we gave a candle to my mother in law and one to my mother. So maybe you can do something like this for your wedding. I know its not the same, but it is a small representation of your Dad. And do remember , even though physically your father is not here, he is always with you. I feel my Dad's presence everyday. I hope it helps :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I wish I could say I knew how you felt, but I don't as far as getting married. I have chosen not to marry and have not had to think about it. I love my father but do not like him much (long story) but I know that it is one of the biggest parts of the wedding and will be so hard for you. What about a male who you love like a father? maybe an Uncle or a close friend etc. Maybe ask them to wear the cologne that reminds you of him.

I think Feathers in your bouquet could be cool to represent the feathers from his new found angel wings. I have put together something that I give to people that has a little saying that goes as follows:

"As my soul takes flight on new found wings, I have shed a feather to wipe away your tears of grief and sadness and share with you that death does not end life, it only changes form. I will still be with you through all the difficult times as well as the celebrations".

With this in scroll form, I include a feather. Baby Blue for Boys, Baby Pink for Girls and whatever color best represents the person. Mostly White, but can be any color.

So, maybe if you think of that, maybe you can spread white feathers instead of rose pedals.

Don't know, just trying to think of a way for you to feel his closeness on that special day. My heart breaks for you, a loss that big is so hard let alone to have to plan such an important event that he would have been such a huge part of, but he still can be. Hope maybe this combined with some of the other awesome ideas from others you can create something incredible and feel him with you the whole day.

(((HUGS)))

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

i will never get a chance to walk down any aisles remotly greater than the hallway of my first day of first grade. My father died in the middle of that year. I was wondering the same thing, even though i am 14 and a wedding is a long way off. I kind of feel sad that He will never be there to see anything I accomplish or be at my graduation from hs and colledge.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

beautifulmistakes-

i am the same way, except with my stepfather. durong his funeral i did not shed a tear, and now i feel guilty because i don't feel anything... my father was my idol, but as i said he died when i was seven so i never really knew him, barely remember him, but i will always love him more than my stepdad. please do not think of me as cold hearted, because i am one of the most compassionate people you will meet once you get to know me.

-sari

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I lost my dad too who is/was my bestfriend, etc......

I am 34 years old and fear what will I do on the day I do get married. Where is my dad? He is not here?

My step sister lost her dad and her husband both parents...she had her brothers walk her down the aisle and they did a very touching ceremony for her dad and his parents before the ceremony. It was brief but appropriate. I see you posted a while ago in Jan. so don't know if you are married yet. I wish you well and happyness. My thoughts go out to you!

Tiff

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...