Rochel Posted January 19, 2010 Report Share Posted January 19, 2010 Hi Everybody, Thanks for all your thoughts and prayers...I'm home and it is a very good thing to be in my own house again...I realized when I was at my moms that home sweet home is better than running from it...Yes, naturally I came across the triggers that I left...clothes, photos, memories and past gift cards...one in particular that brought sadness that I thought was gone..It was from the past years Valentines Card that Bob taped to the inside of the card a picture of us in Maui and also wrote sweet words inside...Sure didn't need to find this one but I believe that the Lord wants me to fine these items and to continue with the "grief process"...We are all single in a weird world and we don't know how to sink or swim...I now at least chose to swim and proceed with caution...Before I just wanted to join my deceased spouse...I'm going on 4 months and it is getting a little easier, however he won't be celebrating my birthday this year on Jan 20th...that is sad....Good to talk with all of you and thanks for always being here...I enjoy being here for all of you...Blessings, Rochel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnG Posted January 19, 2010 Report Share Posted January 19, 2010 Hi Rochel, I agree with the returning to your home. Friends and family seem to think I'd be better off staying with them and I just can not explain to them that as painful as it is I need to be in my home.There are alot of triggers. I was walking up the driveway one afternoon last week and the light and the smell of the air was something I had experienced many times before and I could see and feel Krystal up on the porch looking down at me with that smile of hers. I just sat in the driveway and wept. I got up eventually and like you decided I had to swim, though treading water is more like it. I've asked God alot of nights to just let me die in my sleep but I don't do that quite as much. That's a step forward, I guess. Anyway, Happy Birthday tomorrow and I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Peace & Love. John Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susie Q Posted January 20, 2010 Report Share Posted January 20, 2010 Hello Rochel and John Many similarities. I think I have also turned a corner in deciding that I have to find a way to go on. I catch a fleeting glimpse of a possible future from time to time when I realise that it's been a few hours since I was in tears, or that I've been inteacting with others and having a pleasant time. That's something that was impossible for me a little while ago and shows me that I am starting to recover a little from the trauma that this great and sudden loss imposed on me. It's been 5 months now and I am trying to fashion a life that is at least enjoyable without him, but I'm certainly not anywhere close yet. I walk and talk and do things like normal people, but at my core, everything is pretty much a grey colour. No highs and lows when I'm out because all I am doing is trying to fill in time. Perhaps enjoyment of those activities will take a long time to return but I am hopeful that it will. I've lowered my expectations and know that it will never be the wonderfully full and contented life that we enjoyed so much. I still feel safest and most comfortable at home and experience lots of incredibly sad times when I am alone. I don't feel guilty about hoping to have some fun in the future. I know that it's what he would want, indeed he would expect it of me. Good luck in your struggles too - I know how hard it is...Susie Q Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Korina Posted January 20, 2010 Report Share Posted January 20, 2010 Happy Birthday, Rochel, and I am glad you are finding some peace at home. My thoughts and love are with you. Korina Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maryo Posted January 21, 2010 Report Share Posted January 21, 2010 Rochel, I also want to wish you a Happy Birthday. I hope you have friends and family with you today to make your birthday pleasant and peaceful with many happy memories. Mary Lou Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kat2005 Posted January 21, 2010 Report Share Posted January 21, 2010 Happy Birthday Rochel, I hope you had a good day that was shared with good friends and wonderful memories. Take care, Kat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kath Posted January 21, 2010 Report Share Posted January 21, 2010 Dear Rochel, I hope your birthday was at least bearable and held some happy moments with those you love. Kath Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elaine M Posted January 21, 2010 Report Share Posted January 21, 2010 Dear Rochel Have a nice birthday, God Bless You and keep you strong and safe. Elaine M Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
azusaman Posted January 21, 2010 Report Share Posted January 21, 2010 Rochel, welcome back and Happy Birthday..I sensed the sadness of your celebrating your birthday without Bob. I had the same feelings on my birthday. I'm praying that God will have carved out a new life for all of us on this site by this time next year. I'm sure Adrianne would want me to move on and find happiness and not be sad all the time. Having said all of that, there are still triggers that pop up in front of me from time to time but they aren't objects or clothes like they were earlier...now they are just memories of our marriage...good and bad. Again, Happy Birthday. Did you do anything special? Best, Ted Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rochel Posted January 25, 2010 Author Report Share Posted January 25, 2010 Hi Ted, Sorry it took me so long to answer you...yes, I did have a great time on my birthday...As a matter of fact it looks like we live in the same beautiful state if AZ...Could we meet for coffee someday...just a grief sharing session, nothing more than that...I know that we both have this in common and it would be great to see you in person rather than just this site...Does anybody else feel like meeting a person that would be on the same page as you??? Still grieving and it is my 4th month of all the triggers back now that I'm home again....bummer for all of us when this happens...I wish this would all go away but it is not God's way so the process needs to continue...just rambling on because of loneliness and grief...Bless you Ted and this whole family of fellow grievers....Rochel (pronounced "Roc-Kell")..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
azusaman Posted January 25, 2010 Report Share Posted January 25, 2010 Rochel, Glad you had a great time on your birthday and glad you live in this wonderful state of AZ. I think it's ok to meet with people from this site but all the experiences I've had turned out to be women that were just after my millions of dollars and perhaps my good looks. LOL Hope no one is offended at my small attempt at some humor but as MartyT has said before, it's good to laugh in the middle of this grief sometime. Remember the scripture that says "laughter doeth good like a medicine." Anyway, coffee would be great sometime....just send me a private email and I'll try to fit you into my "busy" schedule. Best of love to you, Ted Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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