Journaling

[JohnG]

I've read that some of you find great comfort in keeping a journal. I 've started one and written in it periodically but I can't seem to develope a relationship with it. It sounds like such a wonderful personal thing you have and I'm sure it could be of immense help to me.

Any of you who can give me some advice, tips and/or techniques for developing this wonderful tool I will be eternally grateful to you.

Love you all

[Kat2005]

John,

I find journaling very comforting. It is a way that I end my day. Pat and I always talked about our day when I got home from work. I miss the conversations and companionship and this is a way of still having those conversations. There were also things that I don't remember if I said to him before he passed, so I tell him in my journal. I have been having some really difficult times lately. My sign from him is a song. When I am really down and need a lift I always ask for my song and more times that not I will here it that day or the following day. I know he is still here with me guiding me through this journey. I may not see him but I definitely feel him. I am really not very good at explaining things. I hope this helps.

Kat

[marsha]

John - I started a journal a week after Joe died. My first sentence? "I don't know where to start." I just wrote how I felt, sometimes just fragments, not even a complete sentence. At first I just wrote about my pain, over and over again. If I had dreams, I wrote those down as well. Sometimes there wasn't even any cohesion to it - it was like a stream of consciousness. It just helped get the feelings out of my head. I hope this helps, a little bit. I still do it, every day - my journal's 180 type written pages long. Hugs, Marsha

[mrspapajohn]

John - - I was never able to put my feelings and emotions into words, so journaling never helped me much. What did help me more than anything else was reading a blog that was started by another member of this group, Boo Mayhew. Boo's husband died the same day as my husband, Stephen, and when I read her blog, it was like she was saying all the things that I could not put into words and it helped me enormously. Her blog is http://boomayhew.blogspot.com/ If nothing else, I believe that Boo's blog is a good blueprint for journaling. I hope that it helps you.

Kathy

[marsha]

I'm seconding Kathy - Boo's blog is awesome.

[valley]

John,

I write like I am talking....to a piece of paper. Just let it roll.

For me journals can be like historical records of how we felt, who we were, where we were at during different times in our lives. We have a tangible way of capturing our ideas and feelings of the past. Sort of like how photos trigger memory.

But in the present, they can just be a place to lay down your load, peacefully. Sometimes the creative act of writing just helps.

Valley

[MartyT]

John, dear ~ In addition to all of the wonderful suggestions you've received so far, I want to make you aware of these resources as well.

Here are some books about journaling that I've read myself and highly recommend. Click on the title to read Amazon's description and reviews of each:

I Remember You: A Grief Journal

Writing as a Way of Healing: How Telling Our Stories Transforms Our Lives

Writing to Heal the Soul: Transforming Grief and Loss through Writing

Writing to Recover: The Journey from Loss & Grief to a New Life

Surviving the Death of Your Spouse: A Step-by-Step Workbook

And some articles:

Survivors, How to Write Your Personal History

Grief Journaling: Don't Let a Blank Page Scare You

Journaling My Grief Experience

Journal Your Journey through Grief

And an online journaling course:

Writing for Life

[Babs11]

MartyT,

Thank you so much for the links..I too have been looking for tools to help me move forward and be able to write, to share my journey and to connect with those who are on their own..This is very inspiring.

Babs.

[kayc]

John,

I have a "Letters to George" file in my computer, and I write in it whenever the mood strikes me...I write to him just as I would if he were gone someplace, I tell him about my thoughts and feelings, what's going on, that I miss him. I don't write as often as I used to but it's been nearly five years so I guess that's to be expected as you begin to fill your life back up. I still occasionally feel the need to go there and write though.

[Korina]

I too, have a file folder called "Heartbreak" where I go to write letters to Scott. I wrote a lot in the early months, basically everyday. I found it very therapeutic. I haven't as much lately, mostly because I don't have a lot a spare time in the evenings, right now. I am often just too tired to write. But it is always there for me, and I suspect these letters will be part of the process for Kailyn getting to know her Dad when she is older.

Korina

[Ron B.]

John,

I keep a journal, and it helps me a lot. To be honest, my journal really doesn't 'comfort' me. It's much more essential than that. It helps me think.

I can explain how I keep my journal, what goes into it, and how it helps me. This is not a blueprint for you or anybody else. It's only how I do it.

First of all, it was a counselor that suggested I keep a journal. So I have motivation to follow through. I have kept a journal since my Mother departed some three months ago.

I write to make some kind of observations about the things going on in my life. Frequently I write about people, and how interactions went. How I felt about this or that person, or about myself. Frequently I write about things I need to do, which makes my journal a kind of to-do list. Currently, since I am grieving, I write a lot about my own feelings. Just tagging a feeling with words gives me a better handle on it. Sometimes there is a major problem in my life that I have to solve. So I brainstorm the problem in my journal.

It's not everyday that I make entries; sometimes a couple days pass with nothing to say. Say, though, I see a counselor that day. Then I will try to summarize in my journal the issues covered in my discussion with the counselor. It's not that I'm trying to recall everything, just the gist of things will do. I may write a single sentence or a couple paragraphs, rarely more. The journal I keep is kind of skeletal. It's not a 'fat' kind of writing. I do a quick take on the 'what'. Then I do a quick take on how I feel about it. And usually that's all. Sometimes I cast about for a better hold on a subject, because I think it's very important. So I'll jot down a sentence. And the sentence may not feel right, but it still has the germ of a good idea. So I'll rework the sentence or thought until it develops into a more complete idea. Eventually I'll come to a more articulate understanding of what's on my mind.

I think one of the main things is not to get stuck. Try just to say what's on your mind. Briefly. If you can detail something and you feel you need to, go for it.

One interesting feature of journaling is that you get to describe people and things by your own moral standards. You can paint someone or something black if you want to, or make things god-sends or people saints. That's part of the challenge, you can justify anything you want, but are you really giving a balanced account? Frequently I find myself examining my own behavior, whether I did something right or wrong. Keeping my journal helps me think through these things; I try to wrestle with the facts judiciously. And once I've got my ideas onto paper (so to speak), I definitely have a better command of what's on my mind, and how right or wrong I feel about it.

Think of it like posting to these forums, except you are answering your own questions. Just by verbalizing your questions, you are one step closer to getting answers.

I find that during one of my meltdowns, I can go to my journal as a lifesaver. I struggle just to 'tag' my emotions with words. This is the most difficult kind of writing for me, expressing myself when I am thoroughly confused. I am currently looking back at some of my meltdowns, as written up in my journal, and I can see very clearly, in retrospect, what I was feeling, and what words fit my feelings. This does me more good than seeing counselors, and I am not kidding. Keeps me from getting swallowed whole by my own despair.

I find I have a need to feel I'm making progress with my life, pretty much each and every day. So I write about things I need to do. Did this. Didn't get around to that. These reminders help me stay focused, because the next day I get to see whether I accomplished anything at all. And in a week, I'd better get something done or I'm wasting my time.

You will acquire your own style, as you write. Some people write freely straight through whole pages of text. I can't do that. I struggle with every second sentence. Then after each paragraph I reread what I wrote, and do stylistic correction. Then I move on. I spend maybe half an hour just to write a paragraph or two or three. And that's it for the day.

My journal is the backwater of my mind. Anything of importance gets jotted down. Keeps my life on track, and helps me think critically.

Well, I'm off to Southern California for a week. Won't be able to post for a while. I hope some of these ideas made sense. Good luck!

Ron B.

[kayc]

I don't think my journaling is so much a "comfort" as an outlet...it's healthy to have some form of expression, an outlet for what is inside. I've used art, writing, talking, forums, just about anything to get it out. Bottling it all up seems to be dangerous...adds to high blood pressure, internalizing, etc.

We'll all develop our own styles of journaling, it's not the form that's important, just the expression.