Any Suggestions For Your First Birthday Alone?

[LindaG]

My birthday is this week and I have anxiety about the day and not having my husband here to share it with me. The friends and relatives that have not contacted me in the five months since the funeral will send messages or cards and I know that will upset me. The closer friends and relatives will want to cheer me up ;(. It was always a dozen roses from Joe and we went out to dinner and he would let me pick something out as a gift. It was just nice and now it is just sad. I'm actually dreading it.

Does anyone have any thoughts or ideas/experiences of how they got thru their first birthday without your spouse? It seems worse than Christmas for some reason, maybe just the way that we always celebrated with just the two of us.

Please let me know if anyone has any coping skills. Thank you as always.

- Linda G

[Maryo]

Linda,

I found that the days leading up to a special occasion were worse then the actual day. I hope your special memories will bring you comfort on your birthday.Only you can decide if you want company on your day or if you want to spend it alone that is ok to.

Take care.

Mary Lou

[mlg]

Linda

I'm sorry you are having to go through this, but it has been 2 years and it still hurts. Tom died the month before my 60th b'day and that one just about killed me. He had wanted to give me a surprise party and my daughter had to finally tell him it just couldn't be done. I wish I could help you but all I can do is send a ((HUG))))

[Korina]

My first birthday without Scott is coming up, as well. As with all my significant firsts, I am going to plan it to a certain degree. My parents and brother are coming to visit for a few days, and though I am not sure they will be here for the actual day, they will certainly be here for the lead up.

Whatever I do, it is going to be hard, whether on the day, the days leading up, or once my family has left, and it whacks me in the guts. I am just going to have to deal with it when the inevitable punch happens. But I do have certain little rituals that, while they don't lessen my grief, do bring me comfort. For example, I keep one of my wedding flowers (anthurium) in a vase all the time. I bought myself a Christmas present from Scott, and I may buy myself a birthday present from him, as well. Something I know he would have bought me.

Take care,

Korina

[Rochel]

Hi Linda,

This was something I was dreading in January and my daughter and her husband took me out for dinner and gave me a special gift...I prayed for myself very intently on the days leading up to my bday because I knew that it would be rough...On that day, I talked to my Bob (deceased spouse) and felt close to him and God...God will comfort you at this time, just ask Him to and I will also pray for you this week...Our Anniversary is coming up this month and I will have to do the same thing again...Find some good friends that understand and go out and celebrate...Bless you Linda, Rochel

[annette85035]

First time in a very long time my sister(the eldest in the family) actually did something that really helped me on my birthday-just months after our mother had passed.

She gave me a beanie white mouse tied to birthday balloons and told me that she knew mother would want me to have something. So I named the mouse after my mother!!

[David'sGirlStill]

Hi Linda,

We all get through it in our own way. I have spent one birthday without my love in the physical world. I spent the morning with David. I took out all the birthday cards that he had given me over the years. Talked to him a lot, cried a lot. I spent the afternoon with our daughter. She was very sweet and bought me a statue of a man and woman holding a baby. She said "I figured it would remind you of happier times" I believe the most important thing is to have a plan for the day. Even if it's to be alone and scream. At least you planned it and have more control.

Hugs

Phyllis

[kayc]

My first birthday without George was horrible...everyone forgot. George always made such a big deal of it, it was just a striking contrast and made me realize all the more what I lost, not that I forgot for a moment. My birthdays since haven't been all that great either, I think I had one good one, that's all. It's a huge letdown. My biggest fan is gone and my birthdays will never be the same again.

You asked pointers or suggestions...my suggestion would be to not wait for someone else to remember or do something for you, but make fun plans for yourself, invite people you enjoy and don't hesitate to let them know ahead of time that it's your birthday. People can't do anything if they aren't aware of it and sometimes they're blockheads even then!

Let me be the first to wish you a Happy Birthday now though!

[Sharon3]

I just experienced my birthday without my husband last week. I knew when I got up I didn't want to do anything but that is not the way it turned out. I was grateful that my son and granddaughter came by in the morning with flowers and a tinker bell balloon. I had told my son we would get together the next day, which we did, but he popped by anyway. I just held on to him and cried. My granddaughter (20 months) said "Grandma has a boo boo?" so I pulled myself together. I went out for lunch with friends and my sister which was a complete disaster. Then my neighbour came and dragged me to her place for dinner, which was ok. But it was a terrible day overall. My advice is listen to your intuition and have a plan....even being alone is a plan. All I could do was remember my previous birthday which was only 8 days before my husband's sudden death. So February was a complete disaster for me. Then I didn't take cae of myself and ended up with pneumonia. So whatever you choose to do make sure it is your choice and take care of yourself.

[LindaG]

Thank all of you.

To some extent I relate to each and every one of you. I got thru most of today - okay. As I wrote on Kat's post, the realization that my family no longer consists of the majority of Joe's family becomes more and more evident. I really was afraid to let go of that connection and acknowlegdge that they have moved on with their lives and I am no longer an active member in that group. It's a hurtful thing but everyone I speak with mentions a similar story.

My family does consist of my WONDERFUL parents who hold me together and make me laugh when I'm crying My friends that send me a note to tell me they love me and remind me that they are always there.... I have amazing friends all over the place but they connect on days like this.

and I am grateful for all of you taking the time to share the difficult to make my difficult a little more understandable

Thank you!

-Linda G