Married Or Single?

[furkid]

This is probably not anything anyone else wonders about, but what do I refer to myself as? I've filled out some forms and when there is no "Widowed" box to check, am I considered still married, or am I now single? Is there a tradition on this? What do most of you do?

My mother's 77 so I'm sure she still considers herself married. My father died in March of last year. My husband died in May of last year, but I'm 48. I don't plan on ever re-marrying, but I'm minorly confused about this detail.

I must admit, when we first got married, I had a hard time getting used to using the term "we" instead or "I". Now I'm having trouble going back to "I". You know, as in "we" put the goldfish back in the outdoor pond in May. (One of the conversations from this weekend).

It's been almost a year and I'm dealing almost too well now, but trying to motivate to clean the house for Easter was hard. That's the holiday we do with both families. My Mom actually came over and helped me, bless her sole. I had 15 people for dinner, and made both a spiral ham and a turkey breast. I lost it over some minor things I un-earthed in cleaning. I found his pill box with Saturday's pills still in it. That actually was from January 1, 2009.

[kayc]

No one likes it, but technically, the world considers us "single"...that's how we have to file our taxes and that's the box we have to check when asked. But in our hearts it's often another matter, and it takes time, much time, for us to even begin to realize our change in status. I'm sorry...that's one of the things I cried out about so loudly when my George passed away...I didn't ask to be single...it's one of the most unfair rites of passage that can come our way.

[Korina]

There really should be a box for widowed. I feel married in my heart, but technically, widowed. I don't feel single.

And funny you should mention the "we" and "I". I hate the word "I" in this context. I had always spoken about "we". This sucks, doesn't it?

Korina

[ustwo]

My physician's forms have a "widow" check box. I let him know I appreciate his approach to his patients...realizing there are others besides married or single. I've started making my own box on forms (other than IRS) and I write down widow. Oh, how that word brought me to my knees at first. Now it's my way of saying I LOVE.....I am LOVED....half of me is gone but the half here is still connected to my wonderful husband. I frankly don't care about the world's protocal or labeling. Always Gene!Always!

[Kat2005]

The first time I encountered the "single" status was when I received a letter from Social Security and the last line read, "Marriage Ended In Death". It never crossed my mind that I wasn't married anymore. I have not had to fill out anything that didn't have the box to check widow but what a great idea to make your own box. It still hard to check that box, I am still married in my heart.

Take care,

Kat

[furkid]

Wow, I think I would have lost it reading that. I guess that does make it pretty official. Thanks for all your feedback. I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who wondered about this.

[kayc]

Kat,

Funny you should mention that...George had only been deceased five days when I had to go into the Social Security Office. The girl callously brought up his previous wives (I was his third), something I didn't think necessary for her to mention, and then in a sing-song voice (referring to our marriage) said "the marriage ended in death." I started crying so hard and couldn't stop, I had to leave there, I remember pulling over off the road and calling my girlfriend, I was so upset, I went by her house for coffee and a hug...it seemed so wrong to say our marriage "ended" for ANY reason! Why was it necessary to put it that way? Wasn't it enough to just say he died 06/19/2005? It seems so callous for them to hit us with those unnecessary words.

[Susie Q]

I don't know officially, but I certainly feel married.

I hated the term 'widow' but when I said that to an older lady friend of mine, she smiled knowingly and said you should tick the box proudly because it is an acknowledgement of your wedding vow ....when you said 'till death do you part'.

I liked that.

[Queeniemary]

A couple of months after Michael's death, I had a new will drawn up. It was the first time I read my name, followed by the statement, "a single woman". It really got me, as I do not consider myself single.....I still feel married. Even "widowed" or "widow" but not single.