Things I've Learned

[kath]

I've taken to writing a letter or poem to Bob for each of his angelversaries. This year, the third, I couldn't quite wrap my thoughts around a poem. So, I'd like to write what I have learned as this year seems like he has been gone forever, yet it often feels like just yesterday…

I've learned one heart is not enough to endure the pain of losing a spouse. God surely must have made a mistake in that He didn't give us two.

I've learned that broken hearts heal, with deep scars, and that God helps in the healing by sending bandages aka friends.

I've learned that we are not meant to be here alone, on this earth, solo and expect to do it all. It is okay and necessary to ask and accept help.

I've learned it is often more comfortable to be able to give than receive, but it is the receiver that gets to experience the touch of an angel.

I've learned that GPS can take away the fear and panic of driving in unfamiliar places. It also encourages laughter when the store you know is in MN only comes up on a map in Chicago.

I've learned that children are wise and resilient and we can learn a lot from them as long as we don't take ourselves, or our problems too seriously.

I've learned that taking a day at a time can be a monumental task and if needed, broken down into single seconds.

I've learned tires need to be rotated every 2nd oil change. I've learned oil changes are a necessary evil. I've learned they have coupons for stuff like that.

I've learned that pride in our children's accomplishments is bittersweet without your spouse to share it with.

I've learned that those who want to help won't, unless given specific tasks. Those same people don't know what to say in your absence, but are willing to learn.

I've learned that worrying about the future is nothing compared to mourning the past.

I've learned that our story didn't die with you, it just needed time to be told…and re-told.

I've learned that I will never make a pot of coffee that tastes as good as the ones you made each morning.

I've learned that one never fully cries their eyes out. The supply is endless.

I've learned that laughter and smiles and joy are possible and you are always in my heart.

I've learned that the real important things in life are not bought, but shared, and arm in arm is best.

I've learned if you work hard enough, sleep will come.

I've learned to not burn the soup.

I've learned that I really am strong and capable and isn't that what you told me all along?

I've learned that no other eyes will find me as beautiful as I was in yours.

I've learned that I hear your voice with every major decision or tough day and remarkably, it is just what I need to hear.

I've learned to trust myself with your memory and seeing the big picture is much better than reliving your last few days.

I've learned that nothing replaces the unspoken silence of being in the room with someone you love.

I've learned that you were the original dog whisperer and that it is an injustice to our current canine to not have experienced your talent, but I am still learning.

I've learned there are more important things than clean carpeting.

I've learned that letting go does not mean giving up, but rather opens one's path to the next big adventure.

I am learning to be free…of guilt, of anguish, of regret and of stuff.

With all my love...Kath

© 2010 by Kath

[MartyT]

So beautiful, Kath ~ Thank you for this . . .

[nwnightowl]

Wow that is really beautiful, thank you for sharing, perhaps I will try that sometime, if I ever get to stop crying long enough that is. I am so sorry for your loss. Elizabeth

[Mrs. B]

wow... you said it all.. Thank you . Mrs.B

[mlg]

Beautiful as usual, Kath.

[STARKISS]

WOW kath,

How beautiful is that, Thanks for brightening my day... Thanks for sharing too... Shelley

[MartyT]

Kath, dear ~ The piece you've written is so beautiful that I'm wondering ~ Would you consider submitting it for possible publication in a magazine such as Grief Digest? This lovely periodical features articles on coping and dealing with grief and help for the caregiver, written by outstanding clinicians, writers and speakers in the field of grief intervention, as well as essays, stories and poems written by the bereaved themselves. You can write or call for writer's guidelines: Grief Digest Magazine, P.O. Box 4600, Omaha, NE 68104, Telephone 866-218-0101. On the Internet, simply go to www.griefdigest.com and click on Writers Guidelines. If you decide to do so, please feel free to tell the editor, Andrea Gambill (a wonderful lady), that I encouraged you to submit your lovely piece!

Living with Loss Magazine also invites contributions from readers (Bereavement Publications, Inc., P.O. Box 61, Montrose, CO 81402, 888-604-4673). You can request writer's guidelines via e-mail: grief@livingwithloss.com or go to www.livingwithloss.com and click on Click here to read and download our submission guidelines

[kath]

Thank you all for your kind words. I'ts been sort of a tough day and it is so uplifting to come here and see your replies. Marty, I had never seen the Grief Digest magazine until now and it is simply beautiful. You always have the best resources! I don't know that this would qualify as something they would use, but I sent it in, with your encouragement. I'd be honored to be part of their publication.

Thanks again and take good care.

Love,

Kath

[marsha]

That was beautiful, Kath. I could only nod in agreement to every sentence. Hugs, Marsha

[sunstreet]

Wonderful! Just what I needed today! Thank you for sharing!

Blessings and Courage, Carol Ann

[kath]

Kath, dear ~ The piece you've written is so beautiful that I'm wondering ~ Would you consider submitting it for possible publication in a magazine such as Grief Digest? This lovely periodical features articles on coping and dealing with grief and help for the caregiver, written by outstanding clinicians, writers and speakers in the field of grief intervention, as well as essays, stories and poems written by the bereaved themselves. You can write or call for writer's guidelines: Grief Digest Magazine, P.O. Box 4600, Omaha, NE 68104, Telephone 866-218-0101. On the Internet, simply go to www.griefdigest.com and click on Writers Guidelines. If you decide to do so, please feel free to tell the editor, Andrea Gambill (a wonderful lady), that I encouraged you to submit your lovely piece!

[

Dear Marty,

I want to thank you again for your encouragement. This is being published in April 2011. It has been a dream for a long time to have an article published. I couldn't have done it without you believing in me.

Love,

Kath

[MartyT]

Oh Kath! I'm so happy for you, and SO proud of you

[mfh]

Thank you so much for this lovely writing. I have copied it to my grief file to read when I need to read it. It says so much of what I feel and you said it so well. We are all on a painful path and you just made it easier for all of us. Thank you, mfh

[kath]

The Grief Digest magazine came Saturday with this in it. My first printed article! Wow - just in time for the 4th angelversary. How time flies.

[MartyT]

Ohhhhhhhhh Kath, I've been waiting, waiting, WAITING to hear you say this! I've not yet received my current issue of Grief Digest, but I am just thrilled to know that your lovely poem has been published! I am so proud of you ♥ (Are any of our other poets / writers / aspiring authors out there listening?!)

[MartyT]

Kath, dear ~ My Grief Digest Magazine arrived today (I had to request another copy of the April 2011 issue, as somehow I did not receive this particular issue) ~ and there you are, right there on page 16! The photograph of you with Bob, Caitlin and Michael is adorable! And your beautiful piece, Things I've Learned, is there for everyone to see! Hooray for YOU! Warmest, heartfelt congratulations to you ♥

[kath]

Thanks, Marty.

Mike was really flirting with the camera lady that day! It was definitely a happier time for all of us.

[mfh]

Look forward to mine arriving....Mary

[misong]

Kath, Just finished reading your beautiful, heartfelt poem; and it IS a poem! I was touched by it and I want to thank you for sharing it. mary

[kath]

Thank you, Mary.

I just noticed this week that it was picked up by another grief support newsletter out of Wisconsin. When I first read it in print, I was sort of dreading it, because it was so personal. Now, I see even on this site, it has become something bigger and I'm thrilled. I've read the posts of things others have learned and they are so encouraging and incredible. It takes a great deal of strength to walk through this, even together, and I can't give enough credit to those who continue to do so. You and everyone here have become my heroes. There's no other word for it. I cheer for you and I thank you immensely for your encouragement.

Take good care,

Kath