Cal Is Gone

[Imadaddysgirl2]

Hi everyone. I'm not new to this site, but have not been on it for awhile. My father passed away 7 months ago and part of the way I dealt with his death was this website and my beautiful 5 year old part-siamese cat named Cal. Cal was a special creature, being that he could sense when my blood sugar was too low (and would wake me up at night-- I really came to depend on him-- have to say I'm a little nervous now that he's not here), knew when I was very anxious (he would come over and place one paw on me and start meowing at me) and would sit beside me when I was ill in any other way (I have two other chronic illnesses).

Cal was not trained as a medical animal, but came to it naturally. Because he was Siamese, he bonded with only one person, and would bite other people when he didn't like their tone of voice that was being directed at me. He only really liked one other person, my friend Sheila. Cal had little idiosyncracies. He would give a small bite when he was woken up, or when he was laying down to sleep and didn't want to be moved or messed with. He also liked to throw temper tantrums when another cat got on his bed (which is also my bed And he was the boss of our house! We live in the country and all the other pets bowed down to Cal- even a neighbors' dog! He didn't really know what to do with the possums, though.

I will miss most of all sleeping with him. My husband sleeps in another room, so it becomes lonely for me. He always slept right above my head. He would walk up right next to me and slide up above me onto my pillow. I was never cold in the winter. He would also purr little love whispers into my ear. When he was jealous of my attention I gave to people, he would sit on my hand that was nearest to them so that I couldn't touch them.

In short, he was a character. He was so very special. I will miss my light gray siamese tabby with blue eyes. He was hit by a car four nights ago. My husband found his little body 2 nights ago.

I was able to go to work the next day because of this website. I'm now able to cry and grieve at home (I'm giving myself all the time in the world to grieve him) and able to tuck it back in when I have to be somewhere else. I'm a nurse and knew we would be short handed at work. I also knew that even though my supervisor was very understanding about Dad's death, she would not be so with a four legged family member.

I wrote Cal a letter asking him to forgive me for not taking better care of him. I am feeling the guilt that comes along with losing a family member. I've also had some anger as well, but didn't act on it.

I like to believe that all of the people and animals I've loved will be waiting for me when it's my time to go. A few weeks before he died, another cat we have had kittens. One of them is a real character and his name is George. He loves my bed and sleeps near my pillow. I think we will be great friends.

I love you dearly Cal.

Renee.

[MartyT]

Renee, dear, I'm so sorry to learn this sad news about your beloved kitty Cal. Obviously the two of you share a very special bond, and I can only imagine your pain at losing him. Welcome once again to this warm and caring place, but please know how very sorry we are for the reason that brought you back to us ♥

[Karen8]

Renee,

This is a very nice tribute you wrote about Cal. It sounds like you two loved each other so much. I also believe that all the furbabies we lost are waiting for us when it is our time. I'm waiting to see my Dinty! I'm so sorry for your loss.

Karen

[Imadaddysgirl2]

Thanks very much. I miss him terribly and keep expecting him to walk through the door or beg for a pork chop. I see the difference between losing someone suddenly and having an expected loss. This is just terrible. Thanks so much, your replies mean so very much to me.- Renee

[Elaine M]

[Renee

My heart is breaking again as I read your post. I am so sorry about your beloved Cal, from your post I know you loved him very much and will miss him. I have the same story as you, Renee, I too had lost my Dad, Oct 4, 2009. He was 90 and was special to me the last 5 years we had become very close since he was in an assisted living home near me. He was getting sick and we knew it was his time. My mom past in 1987. I have adaughter and son, who went with me all the time. They are 21 and 19 respectively.

I took in a Female stray in 08 and she had 5 kittens I kept 3 Rocky, Socks, and Monkey Face,

I alsokept the mom. Rocky became very specialhelping me through difficult times, waiting for me in bed I also sleep alone because my husband snores and wakes me up. so it ws me and Rocky, He was the love of my life ( my furbaby) He was a beautiful Tuxedo. 20 lbs and so loving.he slept on his back next to me every night. I didnt like to let themout but they loved being outside and we are on 4 acres of woods. On Jan 15, I made the terrible, regretful mistake of letting himand Socks out. Socks came back I found Rocky the next day on the road and it isnt even close tomy home. i dont know what he was doing there.

I have been and still am sick in my heart, I cry every day. Hiding it from everyone. I cried today and my husband asked me what was wrong. My life seems dark now since the light in it went out the day i found my friend. I am sick and there is a pain inside that wont stop. I know the guilt you feel, I feet it too. I have had many pets, some live til they were 17 , 15, 13, etc. They all died v\pretty old. But this guy, he was so special. He was only 2 I cant even look at his pictures or write anything about him.

So Renee you are not alone.

My thoughts and prayers go out to you. I hope your heart mends.

Your friend Elaine M

[kayc]

Renee,

I can relate as after my husband passed away, God gave me a sweet loving cat named Chappy. Chappy used to sleep with his arms around my neck and his face burrowed in. I used to call him my little lover. And then a cougar got him, and it was so hard for me to understand. I felt like God took my husband, couldn't he at least leave me my cat? Whatever the reasons...and maybe there aren't any...I lost him. I can really relate to your loss and wish you the best.

[Imadaddysgirl2]

I just wanted to say that I still miss Cal very much, and he will never be able to be replaced. He died 3 days before my birthday. I have another kitty now, and his name is Georgie. Georgie wants to go outside, but we won't let him. I think he is somewhat confused about why the older cats can go out, but he can't. He always comes up to me and crawls up my legs, sometimes jumping from a table onto my shoulders. I don't mind this habit. He wants to be with me at all times. I feel so loved by him. He is different from Cal, but just as precious. I think I will always be a cat girl and, hopefully, always want to have that wonderful unconditional love in my life, even when it hurts so much to lose it. Life does go on!

--- Renee