Cheryl Posted June 16, 2010 Report Share Posted June 16, 2010 Mark died 10 months ago in a motorcycle accident. I have cried, screamed, slept, cleaned, organized, walked, read every grief book, journaled, joined a support group, talked to therapists, gardened, ect.. I'm feeling better than the first few months but still so very sad and lonely. I'm tired of people telling me how good I'm doing. I'm not!! What do I do now? How do I find happpiness again? I miss being a wife, I don't think I can survive this agony. Cheryl Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SHeiss Posted June 16, 2010 Report Share Posted June 16, 2010 Cheryl, I am so very sorry for the loss of your beloved Mark. I wish I could give you some words of comfort to help alleviate some of your pain. I think we all grieve in our own ways. I am sorry people keep saying you are "doing good"... I find myself getting irritated with people telling me what I am and how I am doing when they don't understand my feelings. Again, I am very sorry and I do hope you find happiness again as we all deserve it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheryl Posted June 17, 2010 Author Report Share Posted June 17, 2010 thankyou Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
closs86 Posted June 17, 2010 Report Share Posted June 17, 2010 Hi Cheryl, So sorry for your loss, I also lost my husband April 6, and I have done just what you said, gardened, cleaned organized, and so on, trying to keep my mind busy all the time, back to work, pushing myself every single day, I am very lost without him, my husband passed suddenly from pancreatic cancer, 3 weeks from diagnosis to gone, but a motorcycle accident, horrible, so sorry, we were together 44 years, this is a strange new life, that I didn't want. Take care Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nick Posted June 17, 2010 Report Share Posted June 17, 2010 Hi Cheryl, I can understand everything you said people tell me the same thing. I guess were good at surviving and hiding our true feelings. I too miss being a wife just so strange! My husband passed away suddenly 9 months ago in early September. Keeping busy helps but the silence at night is hard to hide from. Grief is a constant companion...... Take care, Leesa Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sharon3 Posted June 17, 2010 Report Share Posted June 17, 2010 I totally get it Cheryl....I can't stop with the projects....It has been 15 months for me and I still chase the day away only to end up exhausted...........but the alternative is not that great either...which is to pull the covers up and do nothing.....I know how you feel and I can say it gets better but you still feel the pain and the loss but you will find moments and times of peace and even joy.....hang in there and try and find your way like the rest of us....that is what I am finding the most difficulty with, not knowing how my life will be without my husband..finding my new life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Korina Posted June 17, 2010 Report Share Posted June 17, 2010 Oh, how I miss being Scott's wife. I miss picking up toiletries for him at the drugstore, of all things. I so miss that partnership, that being part of a team. Sigh... Korina Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David'sGirlStill Posted June 17, 2010 Report Share Posted June 17, 2010 Oh Cheryl, My heart is with you in every word. I wish I had the secret sauce but I don't. My husband passed on 2/23/09 and I'm still trying to figure out this new life of mine. People have no idea how we really feel, sometimes I feel it would be easier if we had a huge wound on our forehead, that they could see. LOL. Sad and lonely are part of who I am now. BUT there are moments that I smile and feel ok, not quite happy but fine. I believe the loneiness for David will never go away. I miss him but I've got to a point that I'm ok with that. If I didn't miss him what would that say about my love for him? We will find our new life and we will be happy again, not the happy we were with them but happy. Hugs Phyllis Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheryl Posted June 17, 2010 Author Report Share Posted June 17, 2010 Thankyou everyone for your replies. I truly felt alone yesterday. A very dark day. I only got out of bed long enough to cook dinner and check emails. Today I will remember that happiness may be harder to achieve than being sad but I will find small pleasures to brighten the day.I think cheese burgers with kind neighbors might do the trick! thanks, Again for being there. Cheryl Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 17, 2010 Report Share Posted June 17, 2010 Cheryl, I'm sorry you lost Mark. You have worked very hard at your grief journey, that's about all we can do. I know you miss being a wife, we all do, this is a club we didn't ask to join. (((hugs))) Kay Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lainey Posted June 18, 2010 Report Share Posted June 18, 2010 Hi Cheryl, I am so sorry for your loss. Being a motorcycle accident I assume it was sudden.I don't know how anyone can get over a sudden death. You don't even have a chance to tell your loved one good-bye or how much you loved them. At least Lars and I had a few months where we were able to tell each other our deepest secrets and feelings. We were able to talk about his imminent passing and he was able to tell me things that he wanted me to pass on to our children and grandchildren when I am strong enough to. Not there yet! I miss being a wife also, I loved cooking special meals for him, when we were first married I surprised him with liver and onions one night. He ate it , all the while telling me how great it was, friends came over later and I heard him telling his buddy that he had "shoe leather" for supper. Like Korina, I miss picking up his favorite after shave (brut) and lots of other little things. Cheryl..scream, cry, work yourself until you feel you will drop. Do whatever helps you and once you feel better, think of one thing that Mark did that brought a smile to your pretty face, or a giggle to your heart. I bet Mark is watching you and saying "You go girl". I hope you found the strength to make those cheese burgers and to spend time with kind neighbors today. Hugs to all, Lainey Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alone27 Posted June 18, 2010 Report Share Posted June 18, 2010 Cheryl - I so understand what you are saying! I too am trying everything - being busy, being alone; being totally involved, being totally reflective. It works for short spurts of time....nothing more. Then the unbearable pain returns and I say "how do I do this forever? I* don't want to". Joel too died suddenly - no warning, no signs, just gone. It's been 3+ months, and people comment frequently on 'what a strong woman I am". They are wrong. I am existing and doing what I have to in order to do that. I am totally devastated and can't see how I can ever hope to pick up the pieces. I feel your sadness and understand your deep grief. I share every moment with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
closs86 Posted June 19, 2010 Report Share Posted June 19, 2010 hi cheryl, we are all here with you, suffering the same pain, just a different person, hope you had a decent day Take care Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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