I Am Feeling So Lost Right Now

[Marion Claire]

Well have my house all in order after weeks of going through over 55 years of our stuff! Have had a lot of people looking. Ray always did the laundry and other things that were too hard on my back and legs so I can't stay here alone now. Worked so hard the past few weeks had no time to think as much. Major depression and all reality really hit me now.. I am so lost and lonesome. Have ton's of family, but oh, how I miss my husband. It's close to 3 months now and today the pain was the worst it's been since the very beginning.. Just don't know how to handle life alone. He was too good to be and I depended on him so much. Am lost totally now.................. Just letting it out....

[kayc]

Marion,

It's common for this feeling especially when things wind down...in the beginning you are so busy, planning a funeral, signing papers and filling out forms, notifying people, sorting through stuff, sending pictures and thank yous...getting things in order...and then when you finally have time to breathe, it hits you like a blow to the gut as it sinks in...he's gone, he's really gone.

The next few months will be a challenge as you learn to know yourself as just you, separate and apart from being part of a couple...but it won't be the old you...that you was gone when he died...it will be a new you...you see, you will have developed as a person, learned to survive the unthinkable, learn to cope with the insurmountable, learned to focus on positive in the midst of pain and turmoil...and that person, that new you, will be a stronger person with more depth and character than you'd ever known possible.

For right now, just continue taking small bites that you can handle, try to find something positive about the day, however small, try not to worry about the whole future which looms too big for now, accept help when offered, make effort to get out even when you don't see the point and don't feel like it, and express yourself...don't let things bottle up inside of you. Strangers will ask how you are, you can put on a fake smile and say fine...but when close family and friends ask, be honest. You will find out who your true friends are, and you will be surprised. Some you will lose, but you will gain new ones. Keep coming here, it was my lifeboat in the midst of the storm.

[Abby48]

Hi Marion

i could have wrote your words,i am feeling these same feelings.

it will be 2 months Aug 7th,it feels like yrs since i have heard my loving husband's voice.

Danny was always my rock,i depended on him for so manys things.

i'm on this never ending roller coaster that never stops.

i haven't gotten to the decision to pack danny's stuff,it's still where he left it.

my days are long & my nights longer,i just don't have a purpose anymore.

my heart goes out to you

it's just so sad we all have to endure this

pain.

wishing you a better day

ANGEL HUGS

[Marion Claire]

I needed so to write on here again. Thanks gals. Kay guess that really hit home. I am not ever again the person I was for so many, many years. I just have to figure out how to live as who I am today. It has been so bad lately, all I want to do is look at pictures old and new and cry. Course having my house half in the garage for the realator showings doesn't help any, but I do have to move cause I can't manage the steps etc here. It doesn' look like our home even now. We had matching recliners and how his is in the garage cause they said I had to move that and one other chair. If I had thought would have put mine out and kept his in instead. Will miss my monthly hospice group this month cause it's the evening after my surgery and I have to stay home. That helps me a lot. Met a friend out there after just two meetings. We totally understand what each is going through and that helps. I am so grateful to be able to come on here and say whatever I need to get out. Hope I hit the keys right. Right now my vision is messed up from the surgery, so hope my finger's don't wander off too much. Thanks so much for all being here..

Guess lots of us are feeling the same or did at one time. Please==will it ever get better??? These 3 months have been a life time it feels like. Big hugs friends. Marion

[Susie Q]

Dear Marion Claire

It's nearly 12 months since I lost my wonderful husband of 32 years. A year from hell. I can function OK but remain so very, very sad and I guess I always will.

I have really bad nights when all I do is curl up in bed and cry, or go through photos alone and have huge breakdowns. I know now that my mind and body need that, and afterwards I still feel awful and drained but I seem to have some more strength to start again the next day. I think you should let yourself feel all the emotion you have to keep bottled up - it's such an effort to act 'normal' and eventually that emotion has to go somewhere. I choose to do that alone and not in the shopping centre like in the earlier months.

I've given up saying "I should feel better by now" or 'It's time I got over this" etc. With acceptance of this horrible situation comes a little bit of peace. That happened slowly for me and it took about eight months before I felt strong enough to even start to believe I might just be able to get through this. Those glimmers of the return of inner strength and resilience brought a sense of relief.

That's how I think it gets better - the hurt doesn't get less nor the missing of your life together/longing to see his smile/the absence of feeling safe and loved, but the ability to better manage the pain does improve.

And any small relief at any hour of the day from feeling that hole in your heart is a blessing. Take care...Susie Q

[marsha]

Marion - if at 2+ years I could give any advice, I'd agree with Suzy. Just be, just take it day by day, or minute by minute. No "I should be's", just listen to your own gut and heart. 55 years is a long time - allow yourself to grieve however it comes out. Even if it means taking a sledgehammer to a wall, and I'm not kidding. Hugs, Marsha

[nats]

Hi Marion,

We all handle our losses in many ways and I've learned there is no time table for "getting over" our loss

as I do not think you can get over it I think we learn to "deal with" our losses and adapt without them but the emptiness, missing them, and being sad they are not with us will always be there....my salvation has been my faith, a few close friends and grief support, being with and around people going thru the same thing does indeed help, I miss Ruth everyday but I am dealing with it on my terms day by day as that's all any of us really has, as God can change our lives at the blink of an eye, so I try to do what she would want me to continue on, I pray all of us will find our own comfort level thru our memories of what we all had with our special loved one....in short stay positive and you will continue to heal and we are all in this club together so seeking and sharing here will also help....may God Bless Us All...

NATS

[MomMom85]

Well have my house all in order after weeks of going through over 55 years of our stuff! Have had a lot of people looking. Ray always did the laundry and other things that were too hard on my back and legs so I can't stay here alone now. Worked so hard the past few weeks had no time to think as much. Major depression and all reality really hit me now.. I am so lost and lonesome. Have ton's of family, but oh, how I miss my husband. It's close to 3 months now and today the pain was the worst it's been since the very beginning.. Just don't know how to handle life alone. He was too good to be and I depended on him so much. Am lost totally now.................. Just letting it out....

Hi Marion........losing a spouse is like losing your future.......what you are feeling is understandable. I lost my husband 7 weeks ago and find that I lost my interest in most things. Everything seems so trivial next to the loss of his life. I also have family that have been very supportive during his very short illness, but some also feel that I need to 'move on.' However, we that have lost our spouse need to 'move on' at our own speed, when we are ready. I too depended on my husband, he went food shopping daily, took care of our dogs, Bella and Tiny Tim, cooked breakfast and dinner every day (because he loved to cook). It's difficult now to do those chores he did and the ones that I normally did. I try to get through one hour at a time, it helps so that one day does not seem like one week. MomMom

[Korina]

Marion - if at 2+ years I could give any advice, I'd agree with Suzy. Just be, just take it day by day, or minute by minute. No "I should be's", just listen to your own gut and heart. 55 years is a long time - allow yourself to grieve however it comes out. Even if it means taking a sledgehammer to a wall, and I'm not kidding. Hugs, Marsha

More than once, I have used the bed as a punching bag, and used pillows to muffle the screams. Truly, after all the immediate busy work winds down, it really does hit you. One day was and is my mantra.

Korina