Sad

[Nick]

Hi,

Even though I don't post much at all I'm on every night. It will be 11 months tomorrow since my husband died suddenly at age 44. I still can't believe it and often feel it's a horrible dream. I have relocated to another state to be near family, but am really missing the old home not sure if I made the right decision! I have no feelings toward our new home could care less. I guess it's just so sad how it all came about not the way it was suppose to be when we moved. Part of me wants to go backwards instead of forwards has anyone else experienced this before? I just don't want to let go, but what am I holding on to?? All our dreams are gone just so lost hate making all this big decisions all by myself. This house holds no memories of him I still picture him walking through the door of our old home. It was hard being in that home, but also comforting at the same time. Moving forced me to deal with being alone can't pretend anymore. Thanks for listening I guess I just miss the life I had and hope for brighter days ahead!

[nats]

Nick,

I feel your sorrow many times over and am sorry for your loss, My wife went home to God on 2/14/10 so we are all a member of a club we did not choose to join....don't beat yourself up...if you had to sell and move to be near family you need to lean on them to help you...and since you did move you need to make your new home yours and carry those memories with you...I pray you find some comfort and can settle in....

NATS

[Korina]

I believe I understand how you must be feeling. My husband died just over a year ago, and while I have not moved, my parents will be moving out here in the next few months, and we plan to get a place together (social support for them, myself and my daughter, plus a way to share the financial burden). I do look forward to moving in with them, but I am still afraid to move from the place where we lived together, where my physical memories lie. But I have him in my heart and in my mind, along with precious mementos.

Take care,

Korina

[Queeniemary]

Nick, I am also on here reading almost every day, although I don't post very much. Sometimes it is just so hard to put your feelings into words. I lost my husband January 13th, and I still feel that he should walk through the door. For some reason one of the worst times for me is driving home from work in the evenings, knowing he won't be there, ever again. I understand about missing the life you had....nothing is the same, we are no longer the same people. You cannot go through this loss and stay the same. The retirement plans that I had with Michael won't happen, but I know I have to go on and make a new path....it won't be near as much fun, but it will happen. I also hate having to make big decisions. I had new windows put in, and new siding put on this year, something we had been planning. Every step of the way, I ask myself if he would like it...I think he would. Funny story....the other day I was looking for my blood pressure machine. I had put it up somewhere, and just looked everywhere. Finally I went over to the red rock urn from Arizona, where Michael's ashes are resting (he loved Arizona) and said "Mr. B, please help me find the machine, you know how my memory is", 10 minutes later I found the machine in a place I had already looked. He is still looking out for me!! I am sure you do miss your old home, but the decision to be near family is a good one. I was lucky in that a lot of my family live here, and I am still in our home. I love sitting on the back porch with our dogs, and seeing things that he planted and cared for last year, blooming. As Nat said, we are all members of this club we did not chose to join. Praying for all of us in this club.

Mary in Arkansas (Queeniemary)

[kayc]

Nick,

I'm sorry, it must be really hard to adjust to a new home at the same time as experiencing the loss of your husband. Try to remember that your memories together are carried inside your heart, not just in a wooden structure. It is still pretty fresh at 11 months. We get better at coping with time, but we never do get to where we like this altered life that's been handed to us. Try to focus on something positive in each day, no matter how minute, that really helped me. It might be small, seeing a rainbow, watching a kitten play, someone smiling at you...some days it's a stretch to find something but I've found if I really look hard, I can usually find something.

Kay

[FaithFull]

Hi,

Even though I don't post much at all I'm on every night. It will be 11 months tomorrow since my husband died suddenly at age 44. I still can't believe it and often feel it's a horrible dream. I have relocated to another state to be near family, but am really missing the old home not sure if I made the right decision! I have no feelings toward our new home could care less. I guess it's just so sad how it all came about not the way it was suppose to be when we moved. Part of me wants to go backwards instead of forwards has anyone else experienced this before? I just don't want to let go, but what am I holding on to?? All our dreams are gone just so lost hate making all this big decisions all by myself. This house holds no memories of him I still picture him walking through the door of our old home. It was hard being in that home, but also comforting at the same time. Moving forced me to deal with being alone can't pretend anymore. Thanks for listening I guess I just miss the life I had and hope for brighter days ahead!

When I questioned whether I had made the right decision of moving to a home closer to family, my dear friend sent me this quote: "They whom we love and lose are no longer where they were before. They are now wherever we are." Hopefully you can find some solace in this as I did.

[closs86]

that was a wonderful quote, I really like it, I also am anticipating having to move within the next year, can't think to much about it yet. but I know that I have to get out of here as the neighborhood it changing, not for the better, my kids want me to move not to far from them, that means another state, all kinds of giant changes, I don't know if i can. we will see.

Take care

karen

[kayc]

Thank you for that! I love that. I will keep that in mind should I ever have to leave my home. I know his ashes have long since blown away, but he lives with me in my heart. As a spirit, I'm sure he can look upon our property any time he wants to.