Envy

[melina]

I want to express my gratitude at being welcomed into this group - a group I would have given anything not to have had to join, but I'm glad you guys are here. The funeral is tomorrow and I'm dreading the whole process. The pain of planning the program, the music, and most of all - handing over the clothing he is going to wear before the cremation. They were the clothes he wore at our son's wedding, just a month ago, when we still thought we had all the time in the world. And he was happy. I was happy. Will I ever be happy again?

I am starting to feel this sporadic, but intense anger and envy at all those women who still have their healthy husbands by their sides. I don't want to be like that - but I can't fathom why I was chosen to lose this lottery. Why do I have to be the one in pain while everyone else can just show their sympathy and then go home to their happy homes, relieved they're not me.

I know there are people even worse off in other parts of the world - but it's no comfort.

Melina

[Nick]

Hi Melina,

I can relate what your feeling is normal and I too don't want to become bitter we wont! It is so very unfair why us I ask this all the time never any answers. I'm grateful to have been loved by an amazing man and to be blessed with two sons. You will be happy again that is what your husband would want he would not want to see you in pain. We just need to find our way in this new life as hard as it is. Be kind to yourself and patient these are words I live by each and everyday.

Take care,

Leesa

[kayc]

Melina, I don't know, I have wondered the same thing. I think sometimes life just randomly hands things out, sure some things are a result of our good or bad choices, but other things seem pretty random and people just get the hand they get, I don't see rhyme or reason behind it. Ours isn't to figure it out I don't think so much as to figure what we're going to do with it now.

My hugs to you...

[Deb625]

Hi Melina, our thoughts an prayers are with you through the funeral and beyond. One thing I've learned is we are stronger than we ever imagined and we will get through things we never thought we could. Hang in, take deep breaths and just keep everything simple - one step at a time. Take care, Deb

[MartyT]

Melina, dear ~ I hope it brings you some comfort to know that the envy you describe is normal, and I'm willing to bet there isn't a person among us who has not felt exactly the same way in the wake of our own significant loss. When my baby died I was seething with anger at the nursing staff who kept bringing my roommate's beautiful infant into our double hospital room to be fed. (This was many years ago, and nurses were not as sensitive to the needs of newly bereaved postpartum mothers as they are now.) I was green with envy at every new mom I saw cuddling her precious infant. When my son and daughter-in-law experienced three failed attempts at in-vitro fertilization (each failure felt like a death in our family), I hated every pregnant woman I saw. Why were they blessed with a normal, healthy pregnancy and my kids were not? And the fact that you see other women showing their sympathy to you, then going home to their husbands feeling relieved they are not you, does not mean that they are happy that your husband has died. You are a human being experiencing very human emotions right now, and I promise you, these feelings will pass. For now, just let them come, experience them for what they are (feelings, not behavior) and let them dissipate. You will not feel this way forever. One day you will find that this is the stuff of which compassion and empathy for others is made. And when you go to that funeral tomorrow, know that you are not alone. You carry with you the support and understanding of each and every one of us. ♥

[nats]

Melina,

I know and feel your pain of losing your husband as I my wife joined God on 2/14/10...everything you feel is normal and just the way we all feel as Marty stated....I had the anger and once in a while still do, we must understand life when it comes to grieving something I didn't until I had to grieve, God gives us our time as a "present" each day, yesterday is gone and we can not change it but we can always remember it with our most powerful mind, and tomorrow may never come for God only gives us the "present"...as our lives can change at the blink of an eye, so we must go on, our loved ones would want this, if the tables were turned we would want that for them wouldn't we? I would, so as painful as it is we must go on as God has not finished with us yet, and I look at it like God needed our loved ones and there mission was complete here, it's a nice feeling you have knowing you have an angel you can talk to...this weekend will be 6 months for me since Ruth left......we are so glad you found us, there's alot of very passionate people here with lots of helpful stories, so take care eat and sleep when you can as you will need energy....my thoughts and prayers are with you....

May God Bless and Comfort You

NATS