Another Saturday

[redwind30]

It is 18 weeks ago today that I lost my wonderful husband. In a way it seems as if it has been years, yet it also seems like it was just yesterday. I can honestly say that I have not had a single “good” day. I haven’t even had an “okay” day. I miss him so much. I am so lonely (I don’t have any family that is close). Sometimes I feel like I am literally going to suffocate from the pain and the grief. I don’t look forward to anything anymore. Yesterday everyone at work was glad it was Friday, all I could think was “that used to be me”. I used to get excited about the weekend. Even when we didn’t have plans (which was most of the time) Just being at home with him was enough.

I also drive myself crazy with worry. I worry about everything. Some of the things I worry about have not even happened. It is just the anticipation of what MIGHT happen. Other things I over react to; for example my little dog started limping last night and my mind immediately jumped to all sorts of horrible things. It just seems like everything is so overwhelming. I was just wondering if anyone else had similar feelings?

[melina]

It's three weeks now since I lost my husband. I noticed in the store yesterday how people were talking about their upcoming weekends. I also used to look forward to Friday and weekends, even though we usually stayed home and did stuff around the house or went for walks. Now there is nothing to look forward to. Let's hope this changes in time.

Melina

[Marion Claire]

Sept 2nd will be 4 months since I lost my husband, and life is no easier at all. I still wake up and look over to his side of the bed....... Don't know if that habit will ever go away. I have a very large, loving family and have so much love and support, but you know that doesn't take the place of what I lost. That void is always with me wether I have company or am alone.

[Deb625]

It is 18 weeks ago today that I lost my wonderful husband. In a way it seems as if it has been years, yet it also seems like it was just yesterday. I can honestly say that I have not had a single “good” day. I haven’t even had an “okay” day. I miss him so much. I am so lonely (I don’t have any family that is close). Sometimes I feel like I am literally going to suffocate from the pain and the grief. I don’t look forward to anything anymore. Yesterday everyone at work was glad it was Friday, all I could think was “that used to be me”. I used to get excited about the weekend. Even when we didn’t have plans (which was most of the time) Just being at home with him was enough.

I also drive myself crazy with worry. I worry about everything. Some of the things I worry about have not even happened. It is just the anticipation of what MIGHT happen. Other things I over react to; for example my little dog started limping last night and my mind immediately jumped to all sorts of horrible things. It just seems like everything is so overwhelming. I was just wondering if anyone else had similar feelings?

Hi Redwind30, it's been just over 3 months since my Michael passed and I haven't had a day without tears yet. Life distracts me for a little time, but the overwhelming lonliness screams back in. I still can't believe my Michael would have left me in this much pain. It is so hard to bear. I have much support and love, however, no one truly understands my loss as they haven't had to experience it - and I hope it is a very long time until they do. It is just one foot in front of the other for now... and weekends are the worst. Take care, Deb

[Jennalee]

I'm so, so, so sorry to see everyone's pain. I lost my husband one week ago today. It makes me so sad to see that some of you have not yet had any "okay" days. I've not had one full okay day yet, understandably since it's only been a week, but I have had okay hours and even full, okay evenings. My psychiatrist recommended I start taking 5HTP to help me cope with the pain. For those not familiar, it's an herbal mood support type thing. I found it over the counter at Walgreens. Less than $20.00 for a full bottle. I can honestly say it does help. I can be wracked with grief and take a capsule and within 10 - 15 minutes I feel better. Not great mind you, but better. I'm not trying to be a pill pusher or anything, I just wanted to share what's been helping me cope somewhat. Hope that helps. Big hugs to all of you!

[kayc]

Redwind,

I'm sorry you are struggling, how well I understand, for me, the weekends have always been the hardest because that was our special time together. It hasn't gone away for me even after all this time and trying to fill my days up, but I can say I've had some good days and some okay days and you will too. It's just kind of like life doesn't hold the same meaning and purpose and NOONE fills that void that is left with their absence. I wish I knew a good answer to give you, but I just don't. I will say, though, that whenever you're feeling that overwhelming loneliness, please come here, there are others going through the same thing and nearly always, someone is on line to give you a hug or a word of encouragement or just sympathy. you are not alone here.

(((hugs)))

Kay

[Queeniemary]

Saturdays, and weekends are always hard....I try to fill them up as best I can. This past Saturday night we had a big to-do at the Lyric Theater, it was our annual Theatre Awards celebration. I was so honored to be able to present the First Annual E Michael Bishop Theatre Award for Outstanding Production (a director's award) for 2010. I was so pleased that the producers of the show created this catagory, and named it after Mike. It was a great evening, free, and full of exciting dance and musical numbers, and comedy. We have such a lot of talent in our little town. Next weekend will be a little hard, as most of my friends that I hang with have plans with family, out of town, however, one of my friends will be here, and she, and probably my daughter and family will have a little cookout here on Saturday, and then maybe watch a movie. Gotta plan Gotta plan. It helps to have something to do.

Mary in Arkansas (Queeniemary)

[Korina]

18 weeks is still very early on - someone once told me they felt 4-6 months was almost worse than the beginning. I think it is because we are now coming to the realization that this is for real, and that no, our loved one is not just on an extended holiday... I still have those "I can't believe this is real" moments. I can be just walking down the street, doing the same things I always did before Scott died, and think that I should just walk into the apartment and see Scott sitting in his spot on the couch.

Weekends when I first went back to work were definitely tough. But now, it seems that all my time is filled just squeezing in the shopping etc, that I thankfully don't have time to dwell. That is not to say I don't cry - I do - but it is really no different than any other day in that respect.

Take care,

Korina