Imadaddysgirl2 Posted September 2, 2010 Report Share Posted September 2, 2010 Hi everyone. I lost my dad in November 2009 while I was in my last year of nursing school. I had to 'tuck in' the grieving process in order to graduate which was my Dad's greatest wish for me. He literally said, "Don't stop school for me." I, originally felt rejected by him again (!!), but now I see he was protecting me again. He had an 8 month battle with pancreatic cancer that was just horrible. So, I've graduated from nursing school, passed my state boards, and I wish I could give him a big hug. Now that the stress from school is over, I feel like I need to continue the active grieving. The problem is, is at work. I'm messing up at work, which is not new work for me. I'm doing the same things I was doing before I became an RN. No med errors, no problems with patient care THAT I'M AWARE OF! I'm messing up on the paper work, and I seem to have lost my short term memory. I also feel real confusion. I'm afraid that I will get fired from work. They know about my Dad dying, and people who still have their parents are just so unaware. I'm allergic to many medications, so I'd rather see a therapist. I have new insurance, so I'm going to give it a try. I just feel really scared opening up to someone in person. I know everyone here has been where I am, and I'm so sorry that we were initiated into a club that no one wants to join, but I'm glad that you are here with me. I've been writing Dad and God letters and expressing my thoughts and emotions to both of them. I have forgiven myself and my stepmother for the things that happened while Dad was dying. But now, I think I need to forgive Dad for dying, and I'm still pissed off! I want to go stomp on his grave and tell him I don't appreciate him dying (actually, Dad had a great sense of humor, and I think he would get a big kick out of that!) I need to write another letter to Dad and tell him about the NCLEX, school, problems at work, etc. He's not here physically, but I like to think that spiritually we never end. Love to all, Renee. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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