Could Be Worse

[Cheryl]

Tonight at my support group a new women joined our group. Her husband was killed 3 months ago while riding his bike to work. She has just started her fifth chemotherapy treatment and has a five year old daughter. It was difficult to know she was fighting for her life while greiving the new loss of her husband. She wasn't reallly able to talk she is so sad. It made me realize it could be worse.

[Billw]

Thanks Cheryl,

That's exactly the kind of 2x4 upside the head I need sometimes to snap me out of my own little world. There are a lot of people out there that have been dealt a real bad hand in life not to take away from anyone else but it could always be worse. My wife was a grateful person and even in the thick of her fatal disease reached out to those in pain or less fortunate.. These are great lessons that I need to pay attention to. I get stuck in self pity some days and it makes me lose site of how lucky I really have been and still am. They say it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all, I'm not to keen on the losing part but I sure enjoyed the loving part. I am a grateful man today. Thanks again Cheryl........BW

[Korina]

Thank you for posting this Cheryl. While is doesn't diminish our situations, it certainly emphasizes how bad some others have it, and have to and do continue on.

Korina

[kayc]

Thank you for sharing this, I'll pray for her. Sometimes it's easy to get consumed by what is going on in our lives (alone, uncertain future, unstable job and finances, too much to do, no help, etc.) and this reminds us of what we do have (currently a roof over our heads, currently okay health, etc).

[Perkins808]

Tonight at my support group a new women joined our group. Her husband was killed 3 months ago while riding his bike to work. She has just started her fifth chemotherapy treatment and has a five year old daughter. It was difficult to know she was fighting for her life while greiving the new loss of her husband. She wasn't reallly able to talk she is so sad. It made me realize it could be worse.

Hi Cheryl,

My husband was fighting stage 4 esophageal cancer and had chemotherapy every week at Dana-Farber in Boston. On one of the days that he felt the crappiest, we were waiting out in front of the building waiting for the valet to bring our car. Jeff stood on the side walk and leaned over to put his head on my shoulder. I put my arms around him to give him a hug and when I did so I inhaled deeply....because over his shoulder I could see a mom wheeling her little girl out of the building. Jeff turned to see what caused my reaction and saw the little girl himself....her face swollen from her treatments, her head bald from hairloss. With tears in his eyes he turned to me and said that he had nothing to complain about. He could not imagine a child being put through the grueling treatments he himself was going through. As you said, someone always has it worse.

Along those same lines - although my husband was battling stage 4 cancer, he was responding fantastically to treatments and the Dr's were hopeful that the last round of chemo he was going through would buy him a few more years. Ultimately this was not to be the case - he went into cardiac arrest and died while we were laying in bed watching a movie. On some of the days that I am feeling the worst, I remind myself that it could have been worse. The way Jeff died, it appeared relatively painless, he went so quick. My biggest fear was that he would die a long painful drawn out death from cancer. Hard to even fathom that I would consider myself lucky that my husband died the way he did, but I am so grateful that he did not suffer, and I know how happy he would be to know that we all didn't have to watch him suffer.

Tammy

[Marion Claire]

Always hear that there are others worse off and guess you stated a very true one here. What a sad story and with a child too young to understand any of what is happening in her life. My heart goes out to that woman and here child.

[Lainey]

Cheryl,

You are so right, even though we all have had our world turned upside down because of a loss,there is always some one that is worse off than we are.

We always found it so hard watching the little children coming for treatments. Each and every one of those children acted like this was the norm for them, no crying or fighting about not going to treatment. I wish I had the courage those wonderful kids have.

Tammy,

Sorry about your husband losing his battle after fighting so hard. You are one of the fortunate (rather than lucky )ones in that you didn't have to watch your husband die the painful death that happens with Cancer.

Many people post on this site that they feel they didn't do enough for their loved one, and they have guilt issues. I am one of those people,with help from counsillors and books, I know now that I did all I could. We were under a huge amount of pressure, looking after the sick person, working, running a household etc. At some point we became exhausted,and thought we weren't able to do all that was required.My husband used to praise me for all I did for him,but there were many times I felt like a failure.

As well, we who watched our loved one slowly lose the battle, were in the first stages of mourning already. Knowing that the end is coming can be harder,I think, than the actual death.

No, you weren't lucky in that you lost your husband, but lucky that you didn't have to watch the pain.

Hugs,

Lainey