Being Strong For Everyone Elso

[schelly]

sometime I wonder. It seems like some members of the family seem to think that they are the only ones that have suffered a loss. I lost my dad! Along with my husband he was the most important male in my life.One of the people I new always loved me know matter what. I miss him so much and sometimes it feels like people think only mom has lost someone. I know she lost her best friend and I try so hard to help but sometimes it is nice for a person to know that I lost a very good friend that day we lost dad too. maybe I am just feeling sorry for myself. I know my girls are all deeply affected by losing their grandpa and I try to be there for them. I keep in touch with three of my four sisters almost everyday to let them know I care and I love them. I think my girls know that i do realize their great loss but I think I will remind them all again. well sorry for my pity party guys. Wishing everyone a good day and your all in my prayers.

[Marion Claire]

We all lost a big part of our world that day. I know how you and your sister's grieve for your dad, and the younger generation for their grandfather. You are a true blessing to me and please let go of your feelings when at your mom's house. You all are in the same boat.

[Marion Claire]

Worded all wrong==============meant let your feelings out and share together.............

[missingmy daddy]

I know what you mean, Schelly. Everyone in my family acts like because I don't cry in front of them or I don't talk about how I am feeling in front of them that I really have not suffered at all. They have no idea of the pain and loss that I am going through on a daily basis. It is hard for me to talk about it sometimes because I don't want people to see me that upset. I know my Mom lost her best friend and love of her life and I do not want to diminish her pain and loss at all, but sometimes you just need someone to recognize the fact that you lost one of the greatest people in your life. I am so sorry you lost your dad. When you are the rock everyone leans on it is hard to find that rock for you to lean on. Even the strongest people in the world need that shoulder to cry on and the arms to hold you tight and help you through. Sometimes it helps knowing other people are going through it somewhere in the world and you are not alone.

[Shaka403]

Wow. I feel like ya'll are telling my story. I lost my mom 3 months ago. I am THE ROCK that ya'll are talking about, and rarely show my emotion. I guess because of it everyone thinks I'm fine. Well, I'm not. I mean good days/bad days. But everyone always asks how's my dad? They never ask how I am. I just think that is weird. I am standing in front of you....it just seems that would be the next question right? HOW ARE YOU? Anyway, I guess people don't really know what to say or do. It doesn't really bother me, I just sometimes wish that someone would still seem concerned for me. I guess that's a comfort when they do ask although sometimes I don't really want to discuss it. IT's all just really weird I guess.

[schelly]

It is nice to know other people do feel the same way! I guess I amn not just being selfish. Just seems so hard sometimes. I miss dad so much as I am sure you guys miss your moms and dads. I know they are in a wonderful place but we are selfish in nature and just want our people here with us. I just feel like even though we had two horrible weeks of saying our good byes I feel like sometimes screaming " but IAM NOT DONE SAYING GOOD BYE." but i guess i never will be. thank you all for listening.

[kam]

As I journey through these posts I am glad to know I am not alone, but sad to know we all are going through this. My dad and I were extremely close and there was no one else in the family that was. After he passed I was pushed out of my job (you are not mentally fit to do this anymore) after a year of 14 hour days and moving very far from home. I am not sure if I feel guilt still (over a year) because I should have/could have stayed with dad rather than running back to a job that was not going to have any compassion for what I went through just 4 days before returning to work. My brother, sister and mother (divorced from dad for a while) were over it like the next day. No one understands why I am still crying and cant move on. My brother asks why I cry for someone who is now at peace - would I deny him that? Maybe it is just selfishness, he was my best friend and my daddy. He was always there for me - good or bad. I could tell him anything and I knew he loved me unconditionally. He died and there was no one to grieve for him except me. I wonder if that is why I still grieve, how could someone [i thought was] so wonderful have no one that cares that he is gone. I cry, but it feels like its not enough. I have lost friends and family members (that were way to young to leave us) and gotten psaat that, but I cannot move on from the sorrow I feel on a regular basis due to the loss of my dad. I want to leave the house, but dont want to be around people because I feel like I should be "better" by now. The few friends I do have stopped calling and when someone does reach out I dont even want to reach back. I watch my phone not ring and dont know how to get back to some type of a life. I am so lost I dont know what to do. I dont even know how to finish talking about it because it all feels like a nightmare. Today or tomorrow I would get the card and then on Monday the birthday phone call and it wont come this year because he is not here.....I miss him so much, I often tell people I feel like an 80 year old woman who lost her husband of 52 years. My health is failing because I dont take care of myself, whats the sense - no matter how hard we fight to live it will all end someday.

[niamh]

Hi kam

I'm so sorry for you losing your Daddy too.I'm glad you found this site. I lost mine 9mnths ago,one week before Christmas and it was sudden.

I am an only child so I was to quote my Dad "his pride and joy". I never imagined I'd lose him so early in life,I was 34 when it happened and I still live at home.

He was so much more than a Dad,he was my best best friend and I've never known anyone so close to their Dads till I found this site.

I've had a rotten time with work too.I had my dream job was doing great til this.I was taken out of the role "temporarily" but

now I can't go back.it's all just fallen apart,while i still have a job and it's secure,motivation and drive is gone now.the company let me down badly after all their talk of supporting me.

Friends no longer call as much and I struggle to reach out like you.every part of me has been destroyed.some days I still feel like I'm in shock like those first few days/weeks/months.

In a store earlier today I noticed Christmas candy ....IT'S ONLY 1st OCT. My heart started racing,now the stores will just fill up with everything and I want it cancelled.

Usually my Dad and I would make a trip shopping to stock up on goodies for the holidays.it's just not fair and I know I can't avoid everything Christmas related.

I'm so sorry you have to deal with a birthday now aswell,they are such lonely times.I miss so many tiny little things and habits we had.it's hard to get my head around them not being possible anymore,I don't get it.I had mine in feb and was off work luckily coz he always sent a nice bday email to me.

I am glad for this site though.knowing others can relate and understand the small things,I love hearing about others relationships with their Dads.mine was one in a billion billion but as I've seen here there were lots of other Dads like him.why are all the great ones taken,I wish I knew.nobody needs him more than me and I wish he'd be sent back to me.

I hope you keep sharing whenever you are up to it,we're always here.and know that you are entitled to your tears anytime anywhere as long as you live.nobody should ever put any timeline or schedule on you. I don't think people "get over" this,i don't think people "get better"......we are not sick,it's not the flu that eventually ends we just live with it as best we can every second of everyday.

Sending Daddy girl birthday hugs and love your way,

Niamh

[kam]

Thanks for your response Niamh! I was getting stressed that I was going to be alone and talking to myself here as well. I am glad I found this site as well, after being pushed out of my job (I know how you feel, loved what I was doing and was looking at being there a long time) and coming back to Florida (thinking there were people here that would be there for me) I am finding I am once again left to my own resources. Most of my life revolved around work and now without work and without having the biweekly dad phone call and looking forward to getting his cards and phone calls on holidays and my bday, I feel so alone. I try to reach out and get back out there, but feel myself pulling back.

My cousins wedding is coming up and although I cannot really afford to go I conviced myself that I would, now I am dragging my feet for fear that I will sit at the wedding crying my eyes out or worse yet spend money I dont have to end up sitting in my hotel room. I know things are moving in the right direction, its just after being "asleep" for a year I am working hard not to push it in this first month that I am trying to get back out there. I am trying hard to stay busy and not think about tomorrow and no phone call, went to the mailbox today and there was no birthday card...

Thank you for letting me know its ok to still cry although I doubt the last two guys I interviewed with would agree...but at least I got out there! I agree with that you said about people thinking this is the flu and we should just "get over it"....I have one cousin close by and he wont let me in his house if I am "blubbering"...hmmm same word my EX shrink used!

I have no kids, few friends and no family that understands how much I miss him as I was the only one close with him throughout my life.

Anyway...I am rambling now, just stressing.....thanks for your kind words and birthday wishes and hugs...I know I will make it through, I just dont know what the reason is.... :-(