MZM Posted September 15, 2010 Report Share Posted September 15, 2010 If only i could change that morning when I got that call from his mother- Its like i feel as if i can change her words...and that he can be in hospital instead...and he'd still be alive. I really cant believe hes gone...It hits me at some stage everyday. My love died in a car accident and i didnt even get to say goodbye!! Can that beautiful person in all my photos really be gone. Is he really now the "past." I cannot believe this! HE WAS SO ALIVE!!! and so young and beautiful, with his whole life ahead of him. He used to look into my eyes and say he can see the world and our forever...now hes gone. How can this be real:( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Billw Posted September 15, 2010 Report Share Posted September 15, 2010 MZM, I feel your pain, I replay those tapes daily in my head over and over. I still have a hard time believing what happened. I lost my wife to cancer over a period of a year and a half and still go back to the first trip to the doctor and try to change the outcome in my mind so she can still be here. Watching the disease and treatments torture her over the last months and days she was here is haunting at times. I try to stay in the good memories and there are plenty of them, but for some reason I end up back at those other times a lot. I pray for relief for all of us and I know this will change some day, but sometimes it is just surreal. I have to know that we will meet again somewhere, her spirit lives on in my heart and I hold that close. God bless us all today and please bring us comfort....BW Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MZM Posted September 15, 2010 Author Report Share Posted September 15, 2010 Bill,I hear you! I try and stay in the good memories, but those memories kill me right now. I also end up alot in that last hour before his death. Like... could I have said something different. I was the last to speak to him and i guess thats how God wanted it...that he'd tell me that he loves 30 minutes before....(I cant even type the rest of this). But could I have said something that wouldve changed that. Mayb I can go back and i can - thats what I always think! I wish I knew if we'd meet together again too:( Thanks for your prayers for all of us Bill, we really all do need it...lots of love..M Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amysue Posted September 15, 2010 Report Share Posted September 15, 2010 I lost my boyfriend who was 28 , and just so full of life, like you said. It rips my heart out to see his pictures. I saw him the day before he died, I tried to get him to come with me on a trip for the day he died, but he had already made plans with his friends to go hiking. I replay everything in my head, and make up the rest of our lives together in my head, how great it would have been. I used to feel him around me still, but now not so much and that is hard too. I am so sorry for your loss, it is an unbearalbe feeling, nobody should have to hurt this way. Hugs across the ocean.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheryl Posted September 16, 2010 Report Share Posted September 16, 2010 My husband also died in an accident. He was 49. I talked to him an hour before he died and suggested we try to meet for lunch. Then the police showed up at my door step. I have replayed that day over and over in my mind. Trying to make sense of it, trying to figure out how I could have changed it. Trying to fix it. I read somewhere that part of the grief process is reliving the death over and over so that you can accept what happened. That the mind is in such shock and denial that it needs to try and review what happened and why it happened, again and again. I have gotten to a point (it's been one year) where I now have a little story that replays over in my head, but now instead of sobbing, cursing and screaming when it plays, I tell myself, "I'm so sorry I couldn't save you, I'm so sad, I miss you so much, I love you". Then I can go about my day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted September 16, 2010 Report Share Posted September 16, 2010 MZM, I'm so sorry that your beloved husband was taken from you this horrible way. You said, "My love died in a car accident and i didnt even get to say goodbye!!" I've just posted an article by Darcie Sims that appears in the current issue of Grief Digest Quarterly Magazine entitled Goodbye to Goodbye. I hope it speaks to you in a way that brings you comfort. ♥ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunstreet Posted September 16, 2010 Report Share Posted September 16, 2010 If only i could change that morning when I got that call from his mother- Its like i feel as if i can change her words...and that he can be in hospital instead...and he'd still be alive. I really cant believe hes gone...It hits me at some stage everyday. My love died in a car accident and i didnt even get to say goodbye!! Can that beautiful person in all my photos really be gone. Is he really now the "past." I cannot believe this! HE WAS SO ALIVE!!! and so young and beautiful, with his whole life ahead of him. He used to look into my eyes and say he can see the world and our forever...now hes gone. How can this be real:( Dear MZM, Oh I hear your pain and I know your pain. My partner suicided, so I never got to say good-bye either. I know it is so torturously painful. I want to share with you that in my journey of recovery, it became apparent to me that I still could say goodbye, just not in person. I wrote a letter to my partner and said goodbye, that did not feel enough, I went to the water, our favorite spot and wrote another letter, that did not feel enough, so then I got a tape recorder and talked to my partner. I so understand that feeling of being robbed of our right to say good-bye, our right to alter the course. It is when I accepted that my partner had died, and I stopped looking back, looking for her, wanting to know why, blaming myself, blaming her workplace, blaming the people who sexually assaulted her, and all the questions. When I stopped all of that, and started looking forward is when I felt her presence once again and realized that she is still with me in a spirtual sense. Blessings, Carol Ann Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dar W Posted September 16, 2010 Report Share Posted September 16, 2010 I feel your pain and know how you feel. I didn't get to tell my husband good bye, but I get to tell him I love you and kisses him before he went fishing(April 5, 2010) he had a heart attach. I still think some days he going walk in the door. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MZM Posted September 17, 2010 Author Report Share Posted September 17, 2010 thanks all...and im sorry for all your losses too. Marty... thank you so much for that...I needed that! Thank you! Cheryl, that is exactly what I have been doing - reliving it over and over again... feeling like i could change something...Carol-ann, such a terrible way to have lost your partner...glad you found ways to say goodbye and accept it and thanks for sharing that...I will definately write to him...and maybe do what Marty's article suggested...just saying I love you! Coz i really still do have all this love...like we all do... Dar, thats the thing. I still do feel like he is going to pull in to the driveway, or send me an email or phone me (whenever my mobile rings I have to stop and realise...)... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Korina Posted September 23, 2010 Report Share Posted September 23, 2010 My husband died while in rehab for alcohol addiction. I still cry and tell him how sorry I am for not saving him. Korina Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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