melina Posted October 9, 2010 Report Share Posted October 9, 2010 I've finally gotten off the sleeping pills at night by substituting them with Melatonin - a natural sleep hormone. It works getting me to sleep, but I wake up in the middle of the night with all my "what ifs". Then I get so agitated I have to get up and walk around. I keep thinking over and over again - what if I had gotten my husband to the doctor earlier, insisted on a x-ray of his lungs and a CT, and the lung cancer had been discovered early enough to operate. He would be here now, with me and his family. He had complained of feeling tired a while before the diagnosis. But I'm not sure exactly how long he felt like this before it was discovered. Probably about 6 months. I think I just said I was tired too, and we left it at that. I was kind of worn out from my job, and figured so was he. He was a teacher. I didn't give his tiredness another thought. If only I had forced him to the doctor to get a check-up. But he was out running at least three times a week and seemed otherwise ok. It wasn't until April last year that he really started feeling under the weather. He thought it was a virus, or a bronchitis. But not until June did he go to the doctor, when it didn't go away. He always had that attitude that - most things will go away by themselves. And they usually did. He was remarkably healthy - rarely had a cold or the flu. He had pneumonia once years ago, and even that went away without medication. By the time he went to the doctor with it, it had already started clearing up. What if I had worked hard to get him to the doctor when he was feeling bad in April. Maybe it wouldn't have spread. This is driving me insane. I feel like this is all my fault - my responsibility. I should have prevented his death. Melina Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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