Friendgrief/internet Friend Grief

[Shady Wilbury]

Hello, all.

I'm here to search for support in navigating the loss of a dear friend which actually occurred three and a half years ago. It was very unusual, because Chris and I never physically met. Me being in the UK, her being in Argentina, made it impossible. We came to know one another in 2006, through a George Harrison forum. She fought a lengthy battle with cancer (I'm no longer sure how long, because a mutual friend recently attempted to tell me that it was eight years, rather than the three I'd originally thought.) and passed away on April 8, 2007.

I sought counselling for a year during the second year, but it was useless, spent more time looking into the bottom of a cup trying to find a way not to repeat myself than actually working through it.

How can I manage this, or can you offer any advice on managing this?

Thanks,

Shady

[LostmyHoney]

I met my Honey online in a 3d live pool game, after a few months he told me he was sick and the doctor told him he had a year or so to live. He was in North Carolina and I was in Nevada. I went to visit him in person 2 months later in Dec. and stayed a week. By the end of May he and I were driving from Nevada to North Carolina where I got to spend a very happy 3 yrs 3 mo. with the love of my life. I can only imagine how hard it would have been for me if we had'nt had that time together. Im so sorry you were unable to meet in person. You have found a good site to come to for understanding, we are all in the same boat but not all of the jorneys will be the same. I hope you can find some peace here as I have.

Rachel

[Shady Wilbury]

Thanks, Rachel.

I'm pleased that you had that time with him. It still can't be easy, but having had that time must make it slightly easier.

Really appreciate your thoughts.

[grace10]

I had a friend about 7 years ago who I met online. We used to talk about and do healing work. We talked on the phone and communicated online as well. She talked about her daughter, her husband, where she lived. She asked me to visit her, and I was seriously thinking of doing this. She was a social worker, did energy healing work, and also had a part time job at a hospice.

I did not hear from her for awhile and I thought it was odd. I thought maybe her email/website had changed, so I did a search. What I found was her obituary. I never knew who to respond to this, except to feel sad and feel the loss. Her daughter was just getting ready to go to college.

I never knew her husband and I felt odd calling him and asking what happened. They did not have the greatest relationship, from what she said, so I felt uncomfortable, but wish I had called.

I think I just made up my own story, from the info I had about her, of how she died. She probably was ill and never told me. There were no accident reports found, so I assumed it was illness. No clue in the obituary either. Sometimes when people ask for donations to, for example, the Cancer Society, that is a big clue.

I think you have to grieve someone you never met just like you grieve anyone else. Maybe write a letter, talk to them in spirit, whatever it takes. I know I thought about her for many years, and I know we will meet again, as we had a strong connection. She also was my age. I felt like I grieved her loss.

[SHeiss]

Shad,

I do a LOT of online gaming and I have a LOT of friends I have met on there. I would be devastated if anything happened to any one of them as I look at them as an extended family. Most of my "real life" friends don't understand the connection I have with my online friends and they deem it as weird because they just don't understand. I talk to my online friends everyday and I truly care about them. I can not even begin to imagine how you feel and I am very sorry for your loss.

Sharla

[Shady Wilbury]

Thanks for your input, Sharla.

I think what I find so difficult is the lack of opportunity to say goodbye in a traditional way. Of course, now I have an opportunity to have one of my songs played on Mexican radio by a mutual friend, which was written in tribute to Chris. So, I pray that will be the thing that sparks a U-turn with this.

But it can still be tricky, because the memories of her decline are still so prominent.

Shady

[MartyT]

Shady, I've just read an article in the New York Times that I think you will find of interest: Cyberspace When You're Dead

[Shady Wilbury]

Thanks, Marty.

It made for an interesting read. Gives much to think about.