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You All Are An Inspiration To Me!

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I want to let you all know that I wish I could join in all the conversations of late. Know that I am conversing with you in spirit. I have spent the last two days in hospital again, due to the infection showing up again, long story short...more iv anti-biotics, more fluids, discharged this morning.

The parole hearing is on Jan 12. I will spend the next few days doing all the things that feed my soul and my body and I will carry you all with me into that parole hearing and I will face this man that not only sexually assaulted my Melissa but sexually assaulted me more times than I want to own before my escape from them.

I thank you all from the depths of my being for allowing me to talk about this aspect of my life and of Melissa's. I can not say enough that you all are shining stars to me! You all in your own pain, found enough strength to talk with me, support me, believe in me, helped me feel safe again.

I have experienced the more I am able to share about my life with Melissa with you all the more I have been able to move to this place where I am now in this journey. My heart aches knowing where I am and where a lot of you are here, the beginning. All I can offer is to let you know that for me, with time it did become easier, how much time will be different for each one of us.

I am sorry I can not offer much more than this post right now. I encourage you all not to give up on hope even if you can't feel it or see it. Hope is what feeds me each and every day and has fed me well and never let me down.

I will leave you with this single thought and know that every great thing in mankind began with a single thought and we are all capable of having a single thought.


Blessings and Courage, Carol Ann

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Carol Ann, I am so sorry that you had to be in the hospital, and so very very sorry you have to go through this parole hearing. I will be praying for you on the 12th, and before, but especially on the 12th. Mike died a year ago on January 13th, so I am taking this entire week off, to remember, and just to spend some time with myself and my memories. On the 12th, I will be thinking of you all day, and praying for you, and for strength.

Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas

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Carol Ann,

I hope your recovery continues effectively and without further complications. You will be in our thoughts and prayers especially on the 12th, Wednesday.

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Hello Everyone,

Thank you all so very much for your caring support. How you all describe me is something that I aspire to and kind of feel like who are they talking about? I want to let you all know that the latest blood reveals that the infection has been iradicated and I am feeling SO MUCH better. You know when you are very ill and then when you finally feel well again it is just such a high. People may think me odd but the first thing I said when I got the call from the doc telling me the infection has been iradicated. I went out on my balcony and looked up into the sky and said, Did you hear that babe, this old body still has it, the infection is gone!

I have been reading all of your posts but unable to reply as much as I surely wanted to and want to now. I have really needed to just put myself as a priority which is a fairly new action for me to do. I think be george, I am finally starting to value myself, thank God, the therapeutic alliance, I had the courage to seek out after being damaged by a very unethical therapist; is ethical and productive and is indeed therapy. If I thought more of myself I would say I deserve a medal.

I want to let you all know that for me I feel nothing but warmth and comfort and blessed when I think upon my Melissa now. I don't feel gut wrenching pain anymore. Sometimes tears come just in realizing and owning how blessed I actually was to have been so loved and to have given love. Many never experience that in their lifetime. I wish I could fast forward for all of you so you could get to where I am with my loss of Melissa. However, I know that you can not get to here without going through the process to get here. It just is so horribly not fair or right, I know, but I want to offer you all the hope that it can happen for you too!

My pain now seems to be what has been triggered from my childhood knowing I am going to my Uncle's parole hearing and giving an impact statement. This is not the forum for me to talk about that pain as is not appropriate.

I hope that none of you are feeling left out or not noticed because I haven't responded to your posts, or sent you a message. Know that I hold you all in gentle thought and prayer as you weather your own loss. You each are a very blessed being and you have every right to your feeling....all of them...none of it is being self-centred...it is grief and loss and time will be your best friend that I know for sure.

Please let me know if you are feeling not noticed or acknowledged by me for that is not something I have intended.

Blessings and Courage, Carol Ann

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