Can I Have A Little Cheese...

[redwind30]

This is one of those days when I just need to "whine" a little. I am so tired of dealing with EVERYTHING!!! It has only been 8 months since I lost my wonderful husband. I am just tired of dealing with all of it. Having to make all of the decisions; little and big. Working full time, cleaning the house, doing the laundry, cooking for ONE which is just about impossible, no one to share good or bad stuff with, no one to help me make decisions, getting gas, taking out the trash, raking the leaves,taking care of the car, paying the bills....it never ends. People keep telling me I need to take some time for myself; but there is no time to take. I worry about everything; constantly doubt myself and my decisions. It takes me forever to make silly little decisions and then I doubt myself. I am driving myself and everyone around me crazy. I especially worry about our little yorkie, always wondering if I am taking good enough care of him. I doubt every decision I make. I am miserable! I miss my husband so much I don't think I can stand it! I don't see any end in sight. People keep saying "aren't you feeling any better" I want to scream... NO I AM NOT BETTER!!!...But I don't, I just try to be polite.

Thanks once again for listening.

[LostmyHoney]

I can totaly relate to everything you have said.

Rachel

[mfh]

I'm with you and if anymore people tell me how good I look or I must be feeling better....I might pop them one. I do it all also and have been for 4 years as I was a caregiver for my husband until he died 9 months ago. I do not expect to feel better for a LONG time....I am taking pressure off myself. I understand but only those who have been there get it....mfh

[Lainey]

Yep, been there, done that. I was the caregiver for two years and it drained me. The jobs are overwhelming, there seems to never be an end to them. My solution is to e-mail my kids with a list of to-do jobs with a promise of a meal, it works every time. If you don't have family to help, maybe you could hire out some things. I've learned that some decisions can wait, they will still be waiting to be made tomorrow or next week.

We really must look after ourselves,our whole system has been battered by grief and we are vulnerable to picking up sicknesses, and if you're like me, there are days when it seems my brain isn't functionong.

Lainey

[kayc]

Redwind,

That could have been written by me...I've gotten used to the fact that there's just me to do things, and of course some things I can't...I need someone to help me move the refrigerator so I can clean behind it. And there's that piece of wood I just noticed falling down from the outside soffitt...what do I do about that? I don't know, I've been doing this for 5 1/2 years, and somehow I've survived this far, I suppose I'll continue. I try not to look too far into the future, that can get overwhelming. I have some vague general ideas about my future...I know I can't stay in this place forever, but aim to as long as I can do it...I need to now that the recession killed the market value of my home and I still have to pay some down on the mortgage before I can consider selling...and there's my dog to consider, I couldn't have him in just any place so I'll try to keep this place as long as I have him. But beyond general ideas, I try not to take the world on my shoulders, they just can't hold it.

I do know what you mean about so much to do...I have no idea how anyone has time to get bored. There's raking and pruning and shoveling snow and stacking wood and vacuuming and dusting and mopping and laundry and paying bills and decorating for Christmas and undoing it all when it's over, there's lawnmowing when you can get the lawnmower started, splitting wood when you can get the wood splitter started. There's cooking and oh your personal health, going to work, commuting, returning phone calls, reading email, visiting elderly family members, attending church and on and on and on the list goes! It used to be a lot easier when George was alive...he handled it when things broke down, he ran the errands, he helped around the house, he mowed the lawn and washed the car and took out garbage...now, well either I do things, I hire them done with my limited funds, or they don't get done. My house needs painted but hey, I'll sell it as a fixer-upper some day, right now I can't worry about it.

[kath]

Redwind,

I get it, too. It seems like I get really sick this time of year because there is too much to handle alone. So, the thing that gets neglected most, is me. I just saw this saying somewhere, "You can't eat an elephant in one bite." This has been my mantra to deal with the insanity of everything. Just keep taking little bites. And maybe invest in one of those bag sealers. That way you can cook a "regular" amount and seal the rest for an easy meal later on.

Take good care,

Kath

[kath]

I wanted to add, that 8 months is really early on this journey. You reach a point where even though the decisions are still difficult, you don't feel like you're alone in reaching them. Somehow, your husband's voice will echo in your thoughts and guide you on your way. Just keep hanging on. You are doing the impossible every day. In that respect, you are doing great. It's just so hard we don't recognize the progress.

[Queeniemary]

Redwind30, I can totally relate. Sometimes everything that has to be done is just overwhelming. I had to chuckle at your post title. When I would "whine" about something, Mike would ask me, "would you like a little cheese with that whine". It would always make me laugh.

You are right that it never ends, always decisions, stuff to do. Just do what you can, and don't worry about the rest. I know you have to make some decisions, and do some stuff, but try not to obsess over everything at once. Just do a little at a time, and if something is too hard.....well, just put it off until you have a fresh perspective.

I know those are just platitudes, but don't try to handle everything all the time, just pick the most important and concentrate on that.

Thanks for making me chuckle at the "cheese and whine"

Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas