Lost 2 Spouses

[Syl]

I was happliy married for 38 years to my husband. He had been in good health. We had just bought a beautiful vacation home when he was diagnosed with cancer and in 6 weeks he was dead. I was devastated and it took me a long time to recover. At first I worked 80 hours a week and stuffed the grief down. After 2 years I finally sought help from a support group and a grief counselor. 3 years after he died I met a wonderful man who had also lost his wife to cancer. We dated for a long time and after 5 years we married. We were very happy and having fun. We were traveling a lot and last October while we were snorkling in Mexico, he died in my arms. I can still feel life leaving his body. We were only married 2 1/2 years. I am not sure I can get over this a second time. The first time was the worst thing I have ever gone through and here I am going through it again only now I have nightmares of the way he died. I am seeing the same grief counselor and in a support group but I am finding most people do not know what to say to me so they avoid me. Thank you for listening to me.

[melina]

Syl,

I'm so sorry you've had to go through this - especially twice. I'm sure the pain is devastating and life must feel cruel. I lost my husband to cancer too. He was very healthy and physically active, but died one year after his diagnosis, about 7 1/2 months ago. We were together nearly 30 years, and the grief has been excruciatingly painful.

Oddly enough - I feel hope when I read that you did manage to work your way through the grief the first time, even if it took a while, and that you met someone new that brought you joy. To have been in love twice and happily married, traveling and enjoying yourself sounds wonderful, despite the pain you've had to endure. That idea that this is possible is encouraging, though I'm sure you don't feel that way right now.

This site has been a godsend for me - and there are wonderful, supportive people here who have patiently listened to my wailings and shared their own grief experiences. Another site you might want to check out is Widowed Village. They have different groups there - one of which is for those who have had more than one loss. You have to register so they know you're a real person. They also have other groups that you might identify with.

I get through the days with the help of a good grief counselor and a couple of friends who are willing to listen. I tried a support group, but it didn't work for me. I guess you just have to find what works. Hang in there.

Melina

[kayc]

I am sorry you are having to go through this again. I have had many friends who have gone through this twice, it is very hard as you relive it all over again and I think it compounds your grief. Doublejo here has gone through it twice. You will get through it, but it will take you time and patience...try to remember the things you learned the first time, being patient with yourself, realize your feelings are normal, etc. I'm glad you've reconnected with your grief group and counselor, after a time they should be able to respond to you better, if not, maybe try a different group?

You're in our thoughts and prayers here, that's for sure.

[mfh]

I reach out to you. What does one say. Going through the loss of a spouse once is one thing...going through it a second time...is beyond. I am glad you are on line here...the folks here all get it. Somehow we make it. You made it once and you WILL make it again...we just do it one step at a time. We are all here for you. MFH

[Country Sunshine]

I cannot even begin to imagine losing two spouses.... One is almost more than I can bear. But everyone tells me that although the pain will never go away, that it will eventually dull and become more of an ache instead of exquisite agony... There are lots of supportive folks here and we all know that kind of pain. So, you are in good company.

For me, when my beloved Bob died last January 31, it was as if someone had taken an ax and cut me in half.. but I am so very thankful that the Lord has taken over and been my support for that missing half so that I could get up and walk each day alongside of Him.

My thoughts are with you..

Carolyn

[Deb625]

I am so sorry for your loss and I'm sorry that your your friends and family are not there for you. You have found a safe place to tell us about your loss and how you feel - this site has been a godsend and as we all say - this is a group no one wants to join, but glad you found this site. Please take care of yourself, baby steps in all you do, drink plenty of water, eat and sleep when you can... Deb

[HAP]

Bless you.

Bless you for having the courage to risk your heart again.

Bless you for the story you have shared.

Bless you.

HAP

[Lainey]

You have to be a very strong woman to lose a husband, grieve his loss and be able to love another man. I applaud you for your strength.

I can't imagine how much you must be suffering, and I would expect that your second loss is bringing back memories of your first husbands passing. My heart goes out to you.

This is a good place to come to, we all know pain very well, and are ready to listen .

Lainey

[nats]

Syl,

I have just said a prayer for you that God will comfort you with warmth, courage and strength....my wife passed on Febuary 14th 2010 after a 9 month battle with lung cancer and I still grieve and miss her greatly....I have had another relationship blindside me in May of 2010 with my wife's niece Brenda who lost her husband in Aug. of 2009, Brenda visited Ruth several times during her battle to discuss the loss of Glenn her husband and Ruth would speak to her about what would happen to me after she passed, Brenda nor myself had no clue what would happen between us during the months to come, it started with her just taliking me thru the grief at first then we started going to dinner on Mondays as that is one of my days off, she helped me clean out Ruth's things and has been a true God send for me, but the first night we kissed and shared our feelings she looked at me and ask are you sure you want this and are ready? I was puzzled by the question and ask her what she meant, and then Brenda being very outspoken, more than anyone I've ever met stated "you know one of us will have to endure this grief again", WOW what a reality check and so right, but we must continue our lives and can not put on hold what might be to come, I can not imagine what you are going thru as this is a fear I have and now to read that someone is going thru this makes my heart so sad...I will continue to Pray for you and follow your posts closely, know you have found a comfort zone here and I'm sure all of us can offer some ray of positve energy somehow...

May God Bless You

NATS