Food And Memories

[ksbeachbum]

Anybody else have those favorite dishes that your spouse loved and now you can't make it? Wow.... my husband loved my beef enchiladas with home made New Mexico red chile sauce and green chiles. I have not had that for a very long time so Ithought I would make it. It just was not a good day making and eating that w/o him there to enjoy it. I guess I will have to put that recipe at the bottom of the drawer. The memories are too painful now to make those dishes that he/we loved together. Guess I'll stick with eating a sandwich over the sink. No joy in eating meals any more.

Becky

[mfh]

Hi Becky,

I, too, find it difficult to prepare meals for myself and eat alone. Bill and I cooked together a lot and ate together, of course. I find myself making plans to eat out with friends more than I should or even want to. I do understand your not wanting to make those favorite dishes and I have eaten sandwiches with Rachel Maddow (TV-she is on right now) for company. This is one of those things that those who have not lost a spouse/partner just do not get. I am sorry this is so painful for you and for all of us. Mary

[Dwaynecg]

Becky,

I have done all the cooking for many years under Pauline's guidance of course. After she passed I have only been able to cook once. That was the Portuguese beans and pork chops. Pauline was a great cook. She taught me very well. But now I just cannot bring myself to cook. I am stuck. It is funny you brought this up today, because we talked about this very same thing, last night in hospice meeting. Most of them there found it hard to cook after the Death of their spouse. I guess it just takes time, I don't know.

God Bless

Dwayne

[Anne E]

I agree with you all. I used to love to cook for Dick. He was willing to try anything and loved to eat. I was always so proud when he would brag about how lucky he was to have a wife to loved to cook and did it so well. I ate many a bowl of cereal over the kitchen sink that first year before I moved to Colorado.

Our son is not a very good person to cook for. He's pretty picky, although he will not admit it. He just doesn't enjoy food as much as his father.

I really don't get very excited about cooking anymore and rarely try a new recipe. Why waste the time and money when Richard will probably find something to pick out of the food. That just pisses me off!!!!!

It is interesting to try to find something to make you feel good about your efforts after the one who always made you feel terrific is gone, isn't it?

This journey towards the "new normal" isn't for the faint of heart!

Anne

[kayc]

I do still cook because I recognize that it's important to care for myself whether married or single, but I have to admit that it was absolutely a joy to cook for George (he LOVED food!) and he appreciated and like everything I fixed so it doesn't seem the same anymore. I find I don't go to as much effort as I used to, at least not on a regular basis. Sometimes I like to invite the neighbor over to share in a meal because it gives him a break in cooking and I don't have to eat alone (he's widowed too) but his wife was Asian so my cooking is very different than hers was but still, at least it's not a t.v. dinner.

[Susie Q]

It's not the coooking that's the problem - it's the sheer magnitude of sitting down alone to a meal. As I've said before, I'm an expert at 'bowl food' now which can be eaten in front of the TV and I am also a signed up member of the 'sandwich while standing at the kitchen bench' club.

Food is so much more than nourishment and just a vivid reminder of what's gone. Trying to navigate a meal alone puts me into a terrible state - so, for me, it's best avoided as an activity.

[Cheryl]

I have to agree. Cooking for one is just plain sad and depressing, but of course unavaoidable in our situation! I have two teenagers and it does make it a lot easier, as long as I make something they love.

One thing that has really helped is a set dinner night with a neighbor. I go to one of my neighbors every thursday night. We switch off on making the main dish. Last night I was the mash potatoes and veggie person. She made meatloaf. The kids were happy to hang out and I got to share a glass of wine with her and her husband. On either saturday or sunday I have another neighbor over. They don't have kids so its nice for them to be a part of our family. We also switch off on making the main dish. Two nights a week I am gauranteed company and I have started to have a lot of fun trying new recipes. At first I thought it was a pity party and resented the offer but now I realize how nice it is to have the companionship. It not only helps me but helps them as well.