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Anniversary Tomorrow


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I've been crying more or less all day, for some reason. I felt miserable when I got up, felt worse instead of better after talking to my grief counselor and cried throughout my walk in the woods with the dog. Now I'm supposed to go to a concert with some friends, but I don't how I'm going to get through it.

About an hour ago I realized that tomorrow is - or would have been - my wedding anniversary. I don't know if my mood has anything to do with that. Maybe it's just the rain. We actually often forgot our anniversary, since at this time of year we'd generally be on vacation. But we did talk about what we were going to do on our 30th anniversary - tomorrow would have been the 29th. We would have been together 31 years.

Today I've felt as though this misery would last forever. I was doing so well on vacation, but since I got back I've been more or less in despair. Nothing seems to help. I just want time to speed up so I can leave this world.

Sorry to be such a drag - but I think this must be a new grief phase. Hopefully things will get better.

Melina

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Dear Melina,

I am holding you in gentle thought and prayer as you move through your wedding anniversary. I wonder if there is anything you might do and/or write in response to tomorrow being the anniversary of your wedding that may help bring comfort and solace for you.

You need not apologize for your how you are feeling at all...not ever. We all understand so well and it is so normal. I encourage you to embrace whatever your feelings are and let them be expressed and released to the universe without judgement.

I want to encourage you that it will get better again Melina. This grief journey ebbs and flows with time. I am sorry that right now for you it is a time of ebbing and the pain is acute---it will flow again and you will move further along this healing journey.

Blessings and Courage, Carol Ann

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Hi Melina

I am sorry the pain has been so treacherous since you returned. I fear I am not much help as I am going through the same thing. Crying everywhere, in the car, with friends at the drop of a hat, no energy, pain in every joint. I know it feels like a new phase to you but I am wondering if it is just the ebb and flow, the waves rolling in, pre-anniversary stuff (that was worse than the day itself for me a couple weeks ago). I, too, feel like I am just biding time...waiting. Do not apologize. This is what we are for each other...a soft place to fall when it hurts so much and no explanations or apologies needed. Mary

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Dear Melina...I also just celebrated an anniversary...54th...alone. I dreaded the thought of that day...but as I posted here earlier, I closed the blinds...put on one of our favorite songs..held out my arms...and danced...It actually felt good...and no matter what anyone else thinks...in my heart I know Bill was holding me. It may not be for everyone...but I had to do it...was being pulled into that dance from somewhere........Not to say the tears did not flow...but a feeling I can't explain came over me.

Wish your husband a Happy Anniversary...kiss his picture...he'll be there....the love never dies. Thinking of you....Carol

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Melina, You were doing well and have to acknowledge that but also it's to be expected that there are ups and downs throughout this journey and our anniversaries are particularly hard. It is such a reminder of all of our hopes and dreams and that we wished to spend the rest of our lives together. It comes like a slap in the face and we just don't quite know how to respond. I'm sorry, you have a lot of people here who understand.

(((hugs)))

Kay

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I have been going through this too. Crying now for two weeks off and on . I pick up the phone and usually call someone who will just talk about nothing Special dates will make you feel a little more sad. It has been exactly 2 mos as of the 8th for me. I try hard to take in some of the great advice I read on here.It does help. I want to share something that happened last night with you and all who read these posts.

I know it may sound crazy..And I for one am sceptical of some of the things I hear or read about. But, last night one of my dogs (I have a border collie austrailian shep mix named Matilda-very smart. And a Large lab/great dane mix named Echo- very doofy!) Well Echo who is normally a laid back dog started around 8pm last night acting all freaked out.I thought she was sick or saw something. I took her through the house opened all doors and showed her nothing was there. She wouldn't drink water even though she was panting heavy and she would sit or lay down for a few seconds but be back at the pacing. She would not go outside either. She crwled up behind my head in bed got next to me and stuck to me like glue. Again only for a few seconds. I called my sister. Explained what was going on because I got concerned. She said dogs are very intuitive and maybe she felt Jeff's spirit? I really believe that because he loved our animals. And since Echo really didn't want to be on the couch with me like always. I think Jeff was on the couch and roaming the house. This morning she is fine.

I really hope we all can stay positive and beat these blues and get through these tough times. I know most of us want some normalcy back. We won't get it 100% but any little bit I am willing to grab onto along with some change that we all have to accept. Everyone have a good day today. Even if you have a bad day find something , any little thing to make you feel better! PBJB

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Hi Melina,

I know today is your anniversary and just wanted you to know I was thinking about you. I guess it is a day to remember good times, cry, and be grateful. I hope it is not too difficult. Mary

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Dear Melina,

The subconscious forgets nothing. You now know there was a good reason for how you feel. Try to relax into the pain and the day. But we all do understand you. No apologies necessary. My own anniversary is in less than two months--and i already look at the date with real concern. To be on the date...

As Carol says, kiss his picture, dance with him. Not just our bodies are joined in true marriage. Our souls become as one. Today you both mourn the loss of his body. But your spirits remain joined. Take what comfort you can in that.

We are all with you when you need us.

I will think of you often today and send you all the positive energy i can.

Peace,

Harry

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Thanks again to the rest of you for warm thoughts and caring words. The day was more difficult than I'd expected - just feeling really low. But my son and I went and worked out at the gym - which actually helped a little. I think physical exercise is probably helpful.

Metteline

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Dear Melina,

I to have an anniversary coming up on August 13, That was the big day I picked Pauline up at the bus station around 9:00 PM. She had came back to Fall River to tell her parents about me. We seen that as our big anniversary. Then September 5 would have made 31 years married. I will be having all the same thing you are going through now. That what makes this place work, we all lift each other up when we need to and are lifted when we are so down. I pray you find some peace in your broken heart and calm your soul.

My God Bless, you in you time of need, as he has done for me so many times

Dwayne

It has been said, TIME HEALS all WOUNDS. I do not agree. The WOUNDS remain. In TIME the MIND protecting its SANITY, cover them with scar tissue, and the PAIN LESSENS, but is NEVER GONE.!!!!! ROSE KENNEDY

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